A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, so i have a kinda Big problem here. the thing is that my gf thinks that its her goal in life to make everyone happy and please them all the time, even though she says she doesnt know why she thinks that, but she still feels she Has to. one of her "friends" started spreading rumors about us ad when she asked him about it he lied to her, like always because it hasnt been the first time, and she didnt say anything to him! i told her that it was obvious, and that she should just go straight up to him and tell him that she knows all thats lies and everything else, but she says he doesnt want to hurt anyone, and that maybe they can still be friends if she gives him another chance. the thing is that he has done this many times, and yet she doesnt seem to do anything about it for that reason, and ive told her that i think all the chances shes given him are more than enough and that he probably wont change but she still Doesnt want to see that. how can i make her see that not all people will change and how can i help her get rid of that fear of hurting people by doing somthing like not being their friend anymore if they show theyre not true friends? also, how can i make her see that she doesnt have to make everyone happy, and that its not alwas her fault if she cant make someone happy. Some time ago she ran away from her house for a while, and she said she was glad she did that because if she hadnt done that it couldve been worse. i am kinda scared because of that now. What can i do to change all these things ?! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 February 2010):
You can't do a thing to change it. Her need to make everyone happy comes from her needing to feel cherished and appreciated, because it's clear her home life is a bit difficult. Basically, she wants to be loved. So rather than try to change her and offer her suggestions, you need to really listen to her and understand that right now she is very insecure.
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