A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A little background. i have been with my girlfriend for around 2 1/2 years, it was very good and still is when there is no trouble. She ended up cheating on me over a year ago, slept in a hotel with her ex (but never did anything) though they were naked, and did sleep with each other in her ex's flat. then She just recently told me that apparently she never did sleep with him in his flat. Why she decided to put me through that all this time i dont know. She gets very jealous to the point where she see's things that arnt there, she questions everything i do, for example when i go to college she wants to know who i talked to, what about, what girls i talk to etc.recently she has been overly obsessed with one particular girl in my class which has led to a lot of problems. This has been getting worse and worse.In the end ive always ended up losing my ground, i know ive done no wrong but end up doing as she wants, for example steering away from people in my class or not talking to my parents.Its come to the point where for a while now i dont even talk to the people i used to talk to online anymore andim scared of talking to people in class. The problem is that I would like to have friends online and in real life ive come to a point where I actually feel able to be more social where before I couldn't. But she thinks im just saying this because I want to talk to girls, and that i had no friends before why do i want them now.(i should point out that ive never had many friends because ive always found it hard, like im always behind sociallyfrom everyone else)the past few weeks have been the worst. she has gone through my emails(something she does all the time) and found an email i sent to the girl she has been fixated on, the email was just a link for college related stuff she had asked me to send her in class but she went crazy at me about it coming to my college to "catch me out" i ended up talking to the girl and mentioned the problems ive been having, admittedly i probably should have talked to someone else if i needed an outlet, but my gf saw my walking down the stairs with her and she ended up basically screaming at her in the street over something that didnt even exist. she broke both my phone and glasses and did all her usual shouting and accusing stuff and we split up for a day.Another similar incident happened when i got an email asking if i had a work sheet that no one had, i told my gf i got an email (shed think i was hiding something otherwise) and she went mental at that, ending up emailing her pretending to be me, i felt violated, she basically stole my identity by emailing someone pretending to be me.::The Point::I ended up having unprotected sex with her and stuff happened, and I know how stupid i am for doing it. I wanted to say no to her and even did say no but be it that she has a control over me or i feared the consequences of not doing it or just didnt have the impulse control i should i didnt stop. Yes stupid of me.Well not long after that i had the courage to tell her that i cant have our relationship going the way it isthat i cant keep being manipulated and controlled or feeling trapped like i cant talk to anyone and that I want to talk to people, be friends with people, girls and guys and not be scared that im doing something wrong or going to get into trouble for it.I know whats right and wrong and i know that I would never cheat on her and i know that ive never done anything wrong.She completely blew up when i said thatpunching and hitting me, screaming at me, saying i just want to be with that girl, saying ive cheated on her,she kept repeating the same questions and constantly about the same girl despite that fact that what i had said to her was to do with me and not some other person. After about 3 hours i ended up just telling her what she wanted to hear just so i was able to leave her house and go home(she wouldn't let me leave despite her shouting at me to leave).So she came to my house this morning saying she is sorry that she has been controlling and that she accepts that i want to talk to people more or go the the pub with my class mates then started asking me what i had said to my mum, i was tired and didnt remember the whole conversation and she started getting annoyed that i wasn't telling her everything that was said, the only reason she wants to know is because she doesn't want to look bad (shes asked similar stuff before with the "what did you say to your parents" questions)She then said she took a pregnancy test and that she wont tell me the result until i think about what i should do but that i better make the right decision, in the kind of you better get back with me or else sort of way.On the one hand shes telling me she has made a huge decision to accept all this and on the other shes saying i better make the right "decision" or else.All this crap has got me to a point where i dont know whats real, if she really wants to make it work where we are both equals or if shes just playing a game to get me back and put everything back the way she wants it.I think I already know whats going to be said, im more scared I dont have the courage to make the right decision and that ill let this circle or problems keep on repeating themselves.
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her ex, jealous, pregnancy test, split up, trapped, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): dude run
A
male
reader, phoenix69  +, writes (20 February 2011):
 Hello ok. from my experience I have learned that my ex was too controlling because he did do something wrong and wanted to punish someone since i was the closest thing it seemed ok. I had to leave it wasnt making me happy and if you are not happy in a relationship get out.Its all about trust and honesty she has lied to you those are sighns its time to go your seperate ways. You could stay and see if things change but i doubt they will.....
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A
female
reader, The Girl with the Diver's Hair +, writes (20 February 2011):
Whoa!!!
if she did all of that even though you did not do anything you seriously should not cheat!!!
I mean honestly i would move out for a while at least. I know you probably won't take this advice but you could get hurt. and she may not mean to hurt you but it could happen.
You not being allowed to talk to anyone is ridiculous to be quiet honest and i would not stand for it. You have a life other than her. Well you did.
It's time you took control and make it a stable relationship again.
Talk to her again. tell her how you feel stand farr far back ok. I would. and just say how you feel so controlled and how you need it to go back to how it was or there is just no hope and only fear.
I hope it works out i really do because well i just do.
Good Luck
E
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