A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend of 7 months is very close with her ex husband and ex boyfriend even though they both left her, she considers them "good friends". She keeps her relationship with the both of them very seperate from our relationship and is insistant on keeping it that way. She dosen't want them to know the extent of our relationship to spare their feelings and feels that it is non of there business. She sees them regularly at happy hour which is at a local pub but I am excluded because that is "her place". She says there is nothing between them but friendship and I should just trust her. I have asked countless times to come to have a drink and meet them but have been denied in the past. Only after the last blow up did she agree to let me meet the ex boyfriend (only) for a drink with them at happy hour and I got a list of rules as to what I can talk about.The other rule is this is still and always will be her place and don't expect to be there regularly. When they call she lets the call go to voice mail and picks it up later. When I ask her why she says she knows it might upset me. She talks with other guy friends when I'm with her but not them. She has now agreed there is no reason to not take their call and will do so going forward, we will see. I have asked her countless times if she is done with these relationships and she assures me she is and only loves me. She tells me I am everything these guys can never be and I am all that she wants. I am reluctant to get any deeper in this relationship without some understanding of what might be going on here. I do love this woman and can see us going far if we can get past this. I feel that if she introduced me to her other friends why the reluctance to introduce me to these guys? The un known is killing me and want to see the way they interact. Her deffensive behavior when we talk about them is a red flag to me. When we are together she is loving and caring, we spend 90% of our free time together. What do you think? Please help.
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female
reader, boo22  +, writes (4 September 2009):
 Sounds quite weird that she insists on keeping one foot in the pub all the time. Tread carefully with her. Is she a boozer? If the answers yes then run for the hills.. good luck
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents +, writes (3 September 2009):
 This does not sound ok to me at all. She is insensitive, at best, and at worst, she is someone who will cheat or is cheating on you. If I were in your shoes I would be just as worried as you are. Someone who loves you will not make you put up with something like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): She also sounds like a drinker, she wants to go to her place because she gets make attention and likes to drink. She sounds like bad news, very narcissistic. She wants to keep the seriousness of your relationship a secret to these men to avoid hurting their feelings??? What about yours? I smell a cheating rat, emotional affairs are almost worse than physical ones....she is having at least that with these two exes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I knew a woman like this and she was what I would call a very self centered immature woman, and she put those relationships with male friends above her husband and even told him he had "problems" for not liking her close male friendships with exes. She ended up cheating on her husband and divorcing him and this is no pretty woman, 250 lbs and balding in front, a bald woman, feels that male attention is more important than a relationship with her husband.....obviously she has some deep self esteem issues.
Your exclusivity is being threatened here, and I think she is wrong about doing this, she can't commit to you, that is probably why these guys are still so important to her, she sees them as her property, and she is just fine without any commitment from them. She compartmentalizes her life and personally, I think she is a bad bet for a serious relationship. I know that doesn't fit with the it is all about my personal freedom culture, but frankly, I don't want to be a member and neither do you.
Time to cut your losses.
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A
female
reader, AlexCM +, writes (3 September 2009):
well, if she doesnt understand why you are not ok with this then she has to understand that you are not going to trust her and then the realtionship wont work,
she maybe is being perfectly honest but there's a very good reason for you too be upset and confused. you wont know the truth unless she explains more to you and doesnt get so defensive!
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): I would have to say that if you really love her then you should get past that but it would not be right so i think you should just go to happy hour and see for yourself whats going on then determine if you can handle this for the rest of your life.
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