A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hi!I really need some help with this, so I'm going to do my best to keep everything straight so you don't get confused...lolOk, so I have this best friend, we've been friends since preschool, and we're both now 27. I'll just call her J.Ok, so I've met his great guy online, and we starting chatting rather regularly, so of course I wanted to sort of introduce him to J,I had started to have pretty intense feelings for him at that point. so when she came over to visit I called him, letting her say hello and talk to him for about 45 minutes. After they hung up she told me how much she likes him, how she's jelous of me and lonely. I was shocked, but I tried to be understanding to her. She then proceeded to ask me for my online guys phone number and email, claiming she wanted to just be friendly with him.I refused, and she left later that day without mentioning it again.The next day she showed up at my door again (which is rare, she's always claiming she's too busy to come over often) and again I was on the phone with him. so again I wanted to be nice and let them talk. I didn't want to not include her in the conversation.As time went on I told my online guy that I thought she had a bit of a thing for him, and he proceeded to tell me he's just not interested in her in that way. He never told her that, but I think she got the hint when he would ask her to give the phone back to me when she wanted to talk to him.I showed her a few pictures of him, one professionally taken and 2 of him just hanging out with friends, and to be clear he is the definition of tall dark and handsome. She loved them, telling me how lucky I am, how handsome he is...recently she's been snappy with me, telling me he might not be who he says he is, that the pictures may be fake and things like that. I told him this, hoping to see his reaction, he then proceeded to send me more current pictures, and they're most def. him.so last night I told her that he thought it was funny she accused him of faking pictures, as he is completely computer-illiterate. lol...She then says to me "well...if he really does look like that and he comes here you better watch out, because someone is going to take him from you."To me it seems that is a mean, heartless thing to say. I admit that I'm not supermodel beautiful, but he has seen pics of me, and tells me all the time how cute and pretty I am...What is going on with her? I feel like I can't talk to her about my life for some reason, and I don't want to have to be forced to choose between the two of them...Help!
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female
reader, batman +, writes (27 May 2007):
 she is soooooo NOT ur friend if she has sex with UR bf then she ain't ur friend and she might be jealus cuz ur bf is with u and not her and she might not like that a good-looking guy (i'm just guessing) is not with her!!
A
female
reader, sunrise  +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Ok how stupid do i feel, now you've given us the full picture your friend isn't your friend at all, she's someone that prefers to play around behind your back, obviously has no self respect or idea of what being a friend is all about, ditch her you really don't need her,explain to your on-line bloke what your EX friend is like and how she has treated you over the years.
You will soon find out that you really dont need her.
Be lucky in love, dump the leach x
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Don't bother with her. She's NOT your friend. She's not worth the time of talking to. What she's done in the past is unforgivable.
DV1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSunrise, I didn't call him my bloke...the person who approved the question did...lol..he and I are just in the begining stages...
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (27 May 2007):
 reply to your follow up;
I still dont think she is a nice friend. If she was she wouldnt be coming between you and every relationship you ever have. Fair enough it isnt just her - obv the blokes involved have played there parts.
I just think once - you could forgive her for but not every bloke you go out with.
Keep her and you new bloke away from each other and maybe tell him what she is like how she keeps doing this to you.
Is she really the kind of person you want to call a friend?
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (27 May 2007):
There should be no; "I'm not sure." She had sex with your ex-boyfriend? You don't need anything else to go on. She's NOT your friend. Period.
DV1
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone...but perhaps I should give you a little more info into the relationship I've had with J. We've always been sort of, inter-twined somehow with eachother. Starting in 5th grade when her BF liked me and told her so right in front of the whole class..Granted I told him to take a hike anyway, but thats just the start of it.
Then, we turned 18, I had a serious BF who I introduced her to, and hooked her up with his best friend so we could double date, seeing as she liked him.
Anyway, her BF (the one I hooked her up with) ended up asking ME out, which totally weirded me out and I told her I wouldn't anyway. the relationship with my BF went sour, and I found out years later she had slept with him!
Then, during my first real, adult relationship I didn't yet have a car, so I asked her to pick up my BF and bring him to see me on her way over. She did this all summer for about a year. I found out later on that they had been having sex every time she picked him up!!!
Now granted, the men in these situations are just as responsible as she is, I make no mistake in that...I had thought we had moved on from that, matured and I thought I could trust her...now..I'm not so sure....
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A
female
reader, sunrise +, writes (27 May 2007):
I just think she is lonely and a little jealous that you have a new friend that you obviously talk to quite a bit. She wants to be included in the friendship and i also think that she may be a little wary about you meeting this guy as she could lose spending time with you, she may also be concerned for your safety and your feelings, after all you call him 'your bloke' and you haven't even met him in the flesh.
i think that when you finally meet him you should take your friend along and ask him to do the same, you have to remember that this guy is still just a voice at the end of a phone...safety in numbers and hey you may not like him in the flesh and having your friend with you gives you someone to leave with.
your friend has been your friend a long time why would she want to hurt you?
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (27 May 2007):
 Dont choose. You live your life the way you want to live it regardless of her unreciprocated feelings for your online mate. You need to be focusing on your relationship with this guy rather than get tied up in her problesm with your happiness.
If she was any kind of real friend she would never say these things to you and would be supportive of your situation. Yes, she may be lonely and have some feelings for your mate but to say those things and insinuate those kind of intentions is wrong, especially coming from a friend.
My advice would be to give her space and distance yourself from her while you cement your relationship foundations with the new guy. If she cant respect your wishes than her friendship is based on selfish reasons rather than what a real friendship should be based on.
Focus on your goals and not her problems she is bringing to you.
R
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (27 May 2007):
She's jealous of you, and you need to get her out of your life. If she's willing to hurt you to get what she wants, she's not your friend.
DV1
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A
female
reader, batman +, writes (27 May 2007):
ok well it seems to me that she just wants u to stop talking to him and everything so she can find a way to talk to him cuz shes jealus of u and him she probley does like him and she doesn't want ya'll to go out (ya'll be bf/gf) cuz she likes him.
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A
female
reader, candy00s +, writes (27 May 2007):
She doesnt sound like a very nice 'friend' to me.
Dont involve her in anything that you do online or conversations with this bloke you have been chatting to. It sounds like she is jealous of you, and is trying to muscle in on him.
She is right on one thing though you have never met him, but i dont think he is mis leading you in any way.
If you do meet him - make sure she isnt with you as im pretty sure this 'friend' will try to steal him away (as childish as that sound!).
He doesn't sound like he would be interested in meeting her though, its you he is talking to.
She doesnt normally have time for you - now she has talked to this guy she wants to come round more. Id watch her.....
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