A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys. I've been with my girlfriend for a while now. It's nearly been two years and she's way tooooo innocent. Like i dont mind it but it halts us from advancing from anything. Like if i try initiate dirty talk, she would immediately reply with something brief and then just silence until we started talking about something else. Like this happens a lot of the time and sometimes i want to talk about something dirty to get us in the mood but she's says she likes being innocent. I have respected her decisions for a long time but im wondering how to like advance. It's really confusing. And ive only been recently trying to advance in taking our relationship to the next level or initiating some dirty talk cause i feel super open to her. Any suggestions as to what i should do to try open her up? I do really respect her a lot. So much cause ive always made sure first priority goes to her but now i want to know what to do. Thanks everyone
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in the mood, shy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): I posted before I saw your response OP. She doesn't like it, there is nothing you can do to make her like it and she's not too innocent for not liking it either.
Leave it go.
Let me ask you a question, say your girlfriend wanted you to allow her to stick a cucumber up your arse would you let her? Probably not right? Would her constantly getting a cucumber and trying to convince you "to get you in the mood" to let her do it work? No, it would probably just piss you off wouldn't it? What if she then started telling you that you're too innocent because you won't do it? Would that work? No because it's not being too innocent it's just you don't like the idea of having a cucumber up your arse, just the same as she's not fond of dirty talk.
Before you give me some tripe about it not being the same thing, it is exactly the same thing, we all have our boundaries when it comes to sex for you it may be having penis like objects stuck up your arse, for her it may be dirty talk. It's not a matter of innocence it's a matter of taste. She finds dirty talk about as sexy as you would feel with a big cucumber up your hole.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): Not everybody likes to talk dirty. I would never ever do it because I find it nasty and disrespectful. Your girlfriend might be the same, it doesn't mean she is shy.
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 I'm an old woman, and dirty talk embarrasses me.. some people are like that... maybe she doesn't want to be like you, maybe she doesn't think dirty talk is "cool".
Talking dirty isn't advancing... for me and for your girlfriend it isn't a turn on, and it maybe quite upsetting. Leave her alone, it's not your job to try to "advance" her or "train her".
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): Moo's mum is the only one who seems to have gotten the problem here. She just doesn't like dirty talk OP. It's not unusual and for you to keep trying that to get her in the mood is only having the opposite effect.
OP the kind of girl you're with wants to be swept away subtly. She's not going to respond to you verbally telegraphing that you're horny and starting to talk about pussy and tits. In all honesty I don't know where you got the idea that would turn her on. That's crass and not very sexy for a lot of girls and actually makes them feel pressured.
You're young and inexperienced so I'll give you a pass but if you were any older I'd be laughing my ass off. To top it all off you say she's far too innocent, that's lies because all women have their buttons you just haven't found hers yet. OP girls respond to romance, to a gentle touch, to a beautiful word that makes them feel special, they respond to being led to where you want them to go in a sensual and affectionate fashion. It's not too innocent to not be turned on by a guy rubbing his willy against her leg like a dog and telling her he wants to "pound her pussy" and "make her scream". Put away the porn and watch things that girls like and you'll see what works.
Rent the notebook, rent twilight etc. and watch what effect romance has on women. Beautiful words, sweet nothings as they're called are what will open that door for you. She wants to feel special not like she's some fuck doll that you want to pound and she doesn't want to feel bad for not responding to that childish shit so don't do it anymore. I mean shit dude, 2 years and you still haven't figured this out?
If you want to take it to the next level get rid of the dirty talk. Next time you are alone set a beautiful scene, nice music, dim the lights and hold her and tell her how much she means to you. Start kissing her gently, nibbler her ear, tell her how amazing she is, then see how far she'll let you go with gently groping her outside of her clothes. if that's okay then take your time doing that for a while, then undo her top. You just slowly guide her OP, always gentle, always affectionate and you don't ask her if you can or ask her if she's okay, you just do it. If she doesn't want to or she doesn't want you going any further she'll stop you, simple as that. If she does stop you, you respect that and you stay at the level she has said is okay and then later in the session you gently try once more if she stops you again then you have to wait until the next session before you try again. Now if she does stop you don't be a petty wuss and throw a tantrum, just keep doing what you're doing up until the point she stopped you. For example she has stopped you undoing her shirt, but has allowed you to grope her, then you know you can grope her and kiss her to you don't go any further than that.
It's not hard OP, it takes time, patience and respect.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): Um sorry. This question has nothing to do with sex. We promised each other that no sex until marriage and we both arent ready. It was more or less just being open with dirty talk thats all :S. The site changed the title.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 At your age level, she certainly seems to be the prudent one, but talking is fairly innocent if it proceeds no further. I'm no prude, and was sexually active about your age and still paying for it. Sex can have lifelong consequences.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 December 2011):
 how old is your girlfriend? That is one big consideration
But by far the biggest consideration is what your girlfriend feels is right for her. The two of you have been together for 2 years. That is a serious commitment to each other. So the Respect is there within your hearts.
Your lady is saying NO.
Your friends may be boasting or embellishing what they say that have done. Take no notice.
Continue to respect that NO means NO. Do not try to push her a little each time. That is unfair to pressure her.
If it is meant her.
When she ready you will know.
It's difficult at
And she will appreciate you all the more for respecting her views on this subject
best wishesfor your future
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 I don't go for dirty talk much either, but I like watching porn. There will be something she likes for sure you just have to find out what it is. You've heard the expression there's no point beating a dead dog? You are beating a dead dog by continually trying to get her to like dirty talk. Try something else.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (11 December 2011):
You don't say how old she is - but assuming she is the same age as you she clearly is not ready for sex. [ Or maybe she just doesn't fancy you ! Either way....]
Therefore it's not really right for you to keep on at her about it. FAIR ENOUGH to approach the subject and tell her how much you need it.......... but she's said no thanks.
I think the best outcome for you both would be for you to say you respect her preference not to have sex but as you need it you are going to start going out with other girls in the hope you will find someone willing to do it with you [ all usual contraceptive precautions of course ].
Maybe you can remain friends on some level but bottom line you are entitled to look for someone who has similar needs for sex and can enjoy it with you.
She's equally entitled to wait till she feels more ready.
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A
female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (11 December 2011):
talk to her about how you feel cause at this point you being in the mood could come across to her as you only want to get in her pants so talk to her tell her exactly how you feel but make sure you tell her many times that you respect her and that you want to wait for her to be ready
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