A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my GF since I was 18. Now I'm 28. I've never had sex with anyone else. Lately, I'm finding myself very tempted by many women I see and finding myself capable of getting their attention. When I'm 50, will I regret never being with more women as a young man? I've told this to my GF. She says I'm being ridiculous. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Don't even let her sit there and tell you that your feelings are ridiculous.
Either she has had other guys before you, or else she has had these feelings at one time or another during your relationship too. Probably both.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): i am 28 years old and have been with many women. each one of them unique in there own way, and no two alike. i have also had the long term relationships. all i can say is, you know ur girl friend good enough to know how to make and keep her happy, in bed and in ur relationship. i "almost" dont regret anything ive done, but im jealous of you. it seems you have found the one for you on ur first try. no heartache, no tears, no being alone. i wouldnt give that up for the world.but if something happened and yall broke it off.... i would suggest many many many women.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): In my opinion you're in dangerous territory - the fact you are checking out other girls, trying (and succeeding) to get thei attention, worrying about 'regrets' - means that something is not feeling right for you in your relationship - and I doubt it is a simple as sex with the same person for 10 years...that would be part of it. I think you obviously care about your girlfriend - you've talked to her about your feelings on some level - but you need to more than that. What I am worried about reading your post is that you will end up cheating - you are slowly eroding your usual morals by having a "harmless" perve or flirt. next it might be a crush on a girl at work, etc, etc - gradually it gets easier to do 'more' -if you get my drift...then you're having sex with some other woman. You owe it to yourself and your girlfriend of ten yrs to figure this all out before you wind up cheating - that's no way to go! I think you should see a counsellor - either yourself or with your girlfriend - putting all this stuff out on the table also makes it harder to go down the cheating path.
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 November 2009):
 So . . you're thinking of jeopardizing a ten year relationship due to a few temptresses. Whether married or whatever, we men will always be tempted. If you're perfectly comfortable losing what you've had, go ahead. That's why I think she says that you're "being ridiculous."
Consider that I'm a 60-something year old man who has been with many women, and while not regretful about that, the best parts of my life were spent faithfully with one woman at a time. None ever broke up with me due to infidelity, because I never wandered if the relationship was avowed.
Personalities and experiences with some women were unique, but when all is said and done, the sex was pretty much the same. My advice is to stick with a quality and faithful, loving woman.
...............................
A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (10 November 2009):
 I think the fact that you actually verbalized this to your girlfriend is kinda cool. Sounds like you don't have to worry about her being horribly insecure (that can be rare).
My take on the whole "variety theory" is that if you are with a woman who is not boring in bed and willing to try new things, you are doing pretty dammed good. Some women actually are boring in bed and if that is why you are curious then try spicing things up at home. If you are not getting your emotional and sexual needs met then that is a whole different post.
I think being 50 and single would be the biggest regret of all. If you dont think you will be able to stay faithful then it would be best for both of you to move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): I've been with my boyfriend since i was 16 and am now in my mid 20s. He's the only guy I've ever slept with and I am feeling the same way as you, so it's not just a guy thing, Moggs, I think EVERYONE who gets into a committed relationship at a young age would have the same worries. I'm not at all convinced it's a gendered issue. Everyone is curious about sex, everyone finds people attractive... it can be hard for those of us who see ourselves limited to only one partner for our whole lives to come to terms with that... I am actually very very anxious about it because I sense he's going to propose to me soon and I'm not sure I'll be able to accept knowing that there's a world of guys out there that I'm missing out on. I, like you, am very attracted to many other guys and feel bad about it but... I just become more curious all the time, have even come close to cheating two or three times but have managed to miraculously restrain myself at the last minute. I don't have much practical advice for you since I'm kind of exactly the same as you. The only way I keep myself in to keep weighing the pros and the cons- there are lots of pros to being in a relationship like mine (love, security, trust, fun, great sex, companionship, stability, etc.)and they outweigh the cons (not being able to sleep with all those guys I'd be with if I were single). If the cons list outweighs the pros one day then I'll have to leave but for now I am able to keep myself in line by reminding myself why I'm with him in the first place. If your cons list outweighs your pros then it might be fairer to you both if you leave the relationship before you regret it too much.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Well, I'm getting awfully close to 50. I didn't have a great sex life as a teenager, but there was more than one girl before I got married. I'm very grateful to have the memories.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (10 November 2009):
If you're feeling like that now, then yes, you probably will. Don't cheat on your girlfriend, if you don't want to be with her then don't and don't string her along by "taking a break" so you can keep her around while you go mess around.
I don't agree it's just guys are like this. After 4 years with my first boyfriend that I started dating when I was 16 I wanted to see what else was out there. I'm glad that I did, and in the future I know I won't have any regrets about dating other people and that I will know when I've met the right person and that I won't think that I've missed out.
So it's up to you. If having sex with other women is worth losing your girlfriend over, then that's the risk you'll have to take. If you love her and don't want to lose her, then don't do it.
...............................
A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (10 November 2009):
 Wow you need to really slow down and think about what you are saying. You want to have sex with other girls because you are afraid later when you are 50 you will regret not sleeping with alot of girls? Do you plan on dumping your girlfriend to sleep around or do you plan on cheating on her?
If you are that tempted then break up with her before you cheat.
Be careful of STDs and pregnancy. You might also want to remind yourself if sex with strangers is worth losing your love over.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moggs  +, writes (10 November 2009):
The reason your GF probably said it was ridiculous is because it can sometimes be hard for girls to understand the ways guys related to sex and vice versa... let's face it - it's a very different thought process. I think the truth is that if you are content with the sex and the love in the relationship you are in, you shouldn't feel any regret... sex isn't about a brownie count of how many different partners you've had - it's about sharing yourself with someone else to achieve a heightened sense of good feeling - if you only need one other person in life to have that, then lucky you - you found her young. If not, perhaps it's time to move on. Either way - cheating is NOT the answer... it just makes everything more complicated, and painful. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): looks like you want to become a pickup artist. look up the mystery method on amazon, buy the book. I just saved you a life of boredom and misery.
...............................
|
