A
male
age
30-35,
*thz
writes:Hey guys,I desperately need some help. There is an issue in my relationship with my girlfriend. My Gf is 2 years elder than me and damn we love each other a lot. We intend to get married, but due to her family pressure (as we belong from an Indian society and we're both Muslims) her engagement is going to be done to another guy! Due to the family pressure she told yes for the relation, but her true intention was to make out some time for us and then break this relation off before engagement.Now it has been around 5-6 months she has been with this guy talking, meeting and stuff like that, she has sympathy for this guy because she knows that she's using him. But recently she has started to feel that she cannot call this relation off as she's feeling too scared to do that. She says that her parents would be very pissed off from her and it would create hell lot of complications for her! She even thinks that her parents would remove her from their home. We have been physical and this makes it more difficult for us to part ways. We both don't know what to do and how to get this engagement called off. If we call it off their will be consequences.We cry and say our love to each other, yesterday she told me that she thinks that she cannot do it and hence it was better for us to move on I made her remember the good times and how hard was it for us to live without each other and then she cried and told me that she will marry only me and she will do whatever is possible. We've been together for almost 3 years now. I suggested her to first detach herself from that guy and make him feel that she doesn't really feel for him that it was for her parents that she took this step but now that she has realized that she cant make such a big sacrifice. I told her that if this works then this relation with the other guy would be called off and then after sometime she will tell her parents about us. I know that what she did was wrong by agreeing to this relation but she felt that it was the right thing to do at that time. Now she thinks that the situation has gone out of hand although I had mentioned this to her to call this off ASAP.Also it might be worth mentioning that she didn't tell me that she had agreed for this guy it was only after I came to know about it. She said that she would have told me but she was too scared to tell me and lose me. What should we do? Ideas, advice's, suggestions anything is welcomed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2017): Why is she keeping you a secret after 3 years? Why wouldn't her parents approve of you? You know how serious traditional arranged marriages are; and how parents react when daughters go against their wishes. Yes, there may be consequences; and they could be quite severe.
You are pressuring her, and making things very difficult. You should have come right out with your relationship from the start, unless you know that her family would not approve of you.
It is quite unfair that you are placing such a burden on her shoulders; when you yourself don't have the courage to go to her parents and ask for her hand. That could only mean you are not the kind of man her family approves of.
Maybe they would have reconsidered an arranged marriage if they knew she was already in-love.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2017):
 The choice here is hers not yours. She really needs to either choose a life with you or else respect her family wishes and marry a guy she doesn't want to. Yes she should have been honest with you and her family, but I do understand why she was scared. I guess only she can make the choice now, but you need to tell her she needs to make it soon as it is not fair on you or the other guy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2017): I feel if you really love someone, you do anything to be with that person. I'm not from your culture but being a parent I know I would never want my daughter to give herself to a man she didn't love.
This hasn't been fair to you or to this man. Would he still want to marry her if he knew she was in love and has been physical with another man? Maybe honesty on her part should be the first step.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): I am also from a similar culture so I know the dynamics. She should have told her mother from the beginning about you and stopped this marriage but now it is too late and smoehow reading between the lines I detect that perhaps you are not ready for marriage yet and therefore she is willing to go through this marriage with this other guy. I am of the opinion that you should listen to her and let go and concentrate to build your life and have a good career and when you are ready for marriage there are a lot of other pretty indian girls to choose from.
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