A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm married with 2 kids, there isn't any real issues with my marriage nor my husband.For some time now I have felt like I don't love my husband anymore, it been over a year now, I don't enjoy his company, he doesn't interest me and I really struggle to get myself to be intimate with him, I have not talked about my feelings because there is no going back from telling someone you care about and have kids together that you don't love them.I tried everything to spike up my life, going out for romantic dinners, doing the effort but anything I do won't change the fact that I'm not in love with him.I previously decided that marriages doesn't have to be based solely on love because we have kids who deserve stability and both a loving father and a mother and we have a home and already planned out life , add to that, my husband loves me dearly and this would break his heart.I don't want to hurt my family neither my husband.The only problem with that, I've starting fantasizing about other people, started to wish I could date or take my chances to find the one I should feel happy spending the rest of my life with.Then I say to my self, what love ? You are not a teen, you are a mature woman WITH kids !! I don't think I would actually meet Prince charming and run away together to have a happy ever after, this is just plain silly.But, truth remain, I'm unhappy in my marriage for no other reason than compatibility.(This is my 2nd marriage, my 1st I was abused so much I ended up with PTSD) that's when I met my current husband, I never managed to get over the 1st trauma, I've been getting clinical help and therapy just recently) this is when the therapy help me to understand aspect of my trauma, one of them, is my marriage, why did I got married so quick was to only run away from my feelings at the time, trying to start over was my way of coping) so, I'm now feeling double guilty because if from the very beginning I sorted out my head I would have never gotten married again and let alone won't be putting myself down because I always feel other people deserve to be happy more than me.Now, the real issue is, well done for my breaking through realizations, I have a family and a husband who done nothing wrong and a mess of life.I'm so stuck and paralyzed on thoughts I just don't know what to do now. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2019): Hi I read your story and was wondering how everything turned out? I married a man I didn’t love and have absolutely no feelings for him anymore. I am stuck and I don’t know if it gets better?
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2017):
 You don't have a mess of life. You need to get out off that frame of thinking. Surely you can see life could be so much worse. Off course you do need to talk to your husband about how you feel, and no their won't be no going back but at least you will have been honest. You need to work through this together not alone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): I think you are stuck in half wayu land and as you are only half way through your therapy its not surprising!
If you took away your guilt about making bad decisions and your mental paralysis about future ones you would realise that you are left in a halfway place where so many of us reside.
You are not in 'happily ever after' because there is no such thing and you are not in hell on earth because your situation is not so bad!
You have what people want! A loving husband and decent kids!
This is no time to consider throwing away the family because your feelings are muddled!
If you must throw anything away it should be your therapist because you shouldnt be left with overriding guilt and a feeling that you made stupid decisions to do the best thing in the world which is to get married and have a family!
Dont abandon your family! Find something every day to be thankful about and get to the doctors for some anti depressants so that you can actually enjoy the love you have without these useless feelings of guilt and unrealistic fantasies of tv love that last 30 mins in a film or daydream!
You are living in reality now so own it!
Reality is never perfect nor is love!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2017): Sometimes there's nothing you can do. You cant decide who you love. If you could life would be a lot easier.
Maybe try some more romantic things with your husband? A romantic holiday or something.
But honestly, if your main purpose for staying with him is stability, its not fair on both of you. He loves you but you don't love him. Its not fair to keep him in a relationship in which you are unhappy. He deserves someone who loves him too. And you deserve to be with someone you love.
Of course, fantasies are natural. Don't get too carried away with them. You're not a teenager.
I think you should try to work on your marriage first. Try marriage counselling. But if marriage counselling doesn't work, you should get a divorce. I know you have kids and they will be upset, but they'll later realise that you weren't happy with him. And they will want you to be happy.
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