A
male
age
36-40,
*whsmooth
writes:Hey, i've been dating this 31 year old women with a kid already, im 25 no kids and on the track of geting a IT degree. I been dating this girl for 7months, then she tells me she is pregnant AND she tells me she dont want it and wants to have an abortion. So i told her ill support whatever choice she decides. Of course i told her i would like to keep the child and try to work things out, from this she has pushed me away, were not dating anymore, we talk occassionally, she tells me its her hormones thats pushing me away and she dont know why cause she likes me, she tells me its not me, its her and she feels like she's not a good mom and dont want to mess another child's life up. Im not sure what to do or think, cause she still tells me she loves me, but cut me off completely. I dont want to let go, and i keep telling myself maybe it'll just work out, but i dont understand why being pregnant she's doing this, i understand women have hormones flying around and not sure whats going on when they are pregnant, just not sure why we can't stay together and work through something like this. I fell in love with this girl, and i understand i probably care for her more then she does for me. Please any advice or anything. not sure if im just being stupid for trying to hang on...
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male
reader, rwhsmooth +, writes (22 February 2010):
rwhsmooth is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response! As it does have some truth in it.. and thats all you can tell me from what i told you.. but there is much more going on.. that was i guess... the generalization of the whole thing... thanks again!
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (19 February 2010):
 Is it possible that she's scared that if she has the child, you will eventually change your mind about the relationship (there'll be 2 kids in the picture) and leave her?
I'm guessing that's what already happened to her once and now she's a single mother. She doesn't want another child if she's not sure she'll have a partner who'll be there to support her.
Perhaps she's looking for marriage before she has another child...you know, to feel a bit more safe in terms of the future. I'm not saying you need to marry her but this might be something she's thinking about.
You're 25, you have no kids and you're getting an education. Perhaps she feels like that once you get your life and education sorted you won't want to deal with two kids...and so you'll walk away and she'll be left wito care for them by herself. That's difficult and I wouldn't want to be in her position should that happen.
And even if you assure her this won't happen, it's already happened to her once and of course she's scared. There isn't much you can do here but be supportive, and it sounds like you have been. And there also is no point in making promises that you will stay with her...no one knows what will happen.
So all you can do is offer your support and be there for her if she asks for your help. Give her the time she needs and tell her you're there if she needs you.
All the best :)
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