A
male
age
30-35,
*rady
writes:I could really use some advice on my current situation with my girl friend.My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year and half and we get along great. Her parents liked me for the most part. Her dad and I had a few issues with her being a few minutes late past curfew but no major issues. I was always respetful towards them and her. On valetines day with also happened to be my 19th birthday we found out she was pregnant. The baby is due a month after her 17th birthday. I knew our parents were going to be upset about the pregnant but her parents reaction shocked me. her mom called the police and said I rape their daughter. I was taken in and question for over 2 hours. No charges were pressed but I cannt believe they did that. I am a good guy and love their daughter. i would never do something like that. A few nights later she called me from her neighbours house in tears saying that her parents took away her cell phone so she couldnt callme and said that they told he she had to give up the baby for adoption. My parents and I went over to talk to them and they called the police again and put a no contact order so we couldnt see each other. My parents got a lawyer but he said they wasnt a lot we could do until the baby is born and we get a DNA test to prove I am the father and go after rights. But in the mean tie what can I do. I am missing out on doctors appointments and ultrasounds and I cant be there to cofort my girl friend. I have went to her friends house a few times to see her and I hate leaving her there in tears. i understand her parents being upset but why would they go this far to keep us away from each other and what can I do to get them to relize I love their daughter. Is what they are doing legal , can they really keep her locked up this way
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 You are lucky you are not in Jail
at 19 with a 16 year old you could have been put in jail down here...
Her parents are over the top shutting the barn door after the horse got out but until she is 18 they have every right to do as they please sadly.
Cerberus is right... you need to prepare for the birth and the fight to keep custody of your child and prepare for those expenses and effort.
Doctors appointments and ultrasounds are not important.
DNA tests take a few weeks btw so you will have to make sure that the adoption is tabled till you can prove it's your child and you refuse to sign the adoption papers.
You two have a long battle ahead and since she is still a minor dependent on her parents the only option you have is to toe their line.
If you and your parents and your gf want her with you, then you can help her file for emancipated minor rights and she can leave her parents home but then you would be 100% responsible for her, her health care and the care of the baby....
but since you made this bed it seems like the right thing to do.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 June 2012):
 Until she is 18, well, sorry, but her parents decide over her legally. They can't force her to put her child to adoption though. But they can make her if she's not strong enough/willing to face the consequences, they might after all kick her out of home and cut off all her financial support, which isn't a good situation for her to be in. Especially not if she's just given birth.. living on the streets wouldn't really be an option.
But what you can do now is start PLANNING with her. Decide on what you and her want to do, regardless of her parents. You're legally an adult now, and she'll be in a few years. Think ahead, make plans for the future. Here's what I suggest:
Don't get too wrapped up in here and nows. Things are what they are. Work with what you've got! She can't be forced to give her child up for adoption, so do you want to keep it? She can secretly hand you ultrasound pictures etc, don't fret out about that small stuff. Focus on the years to come because THEY are what matter. Not doctors appointments. Do you want to keep the child?
If yes then agree to do so with her. If she gets kicked out of home: can she come live with you? You and your parents? Or can you move out and get your own place? Do you have a job to support a family? Figure it out.
If she gets to stay with her parents, or if her parents force her to stay until she is 18.. well, that's financially a much better situation to be honest. It might not be what you WANT, but it could very well be what it for the best. You'll get your rights to see your child once the child is born and the DNA tests have been done. You can even apply for full custody.
Plan ahead. Don't get wrapped up in here and now. Don't try to change what you can't change, but focus on the things you CAN do something about, which is planning ahead. Talk to your girlfriend about this whenever chance you have, or write her letters which you give her if you only have brief times to meet.
You are both so young and are getting a rough start at parenthood, but hang in there. Think ahead like I said, the doctors appointments as so-so important. Being there where the child grows up is by far more important. Make sure you plan for what happens after the baby is born and then possible outcomes and prepare for the worst: she could get kicked out at 18 (or at 16, but her parents are by law required to care for her until 18) and will need a place to live.
Get yourself on track, get a job, or work out a financial plan, apply for financial support for teenage parents or look into support plans, day care costs etc. Figure out how this will work once the baby gets here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2012): She's not being kept locked up so they're doing nothing illegal. There's nothing you can do really and I wouldn't break the contact order.
I don't know what you expected from such strict parents after impregnating their teenage daughter. You should have been smarter than that and now you have to deal with the consequences.
They are exceptionally over the top though, really crazy people and that makes them very dangerous OP. You have to ride it out until the baby is born and you have to focus on preparing for that. Just make do with the times you get to see her and instead of worrying about meaningless things like ultrasounds and stuff, start getting prepared financially, start reading up on parenting, stay in contact with your lawyer and be prepared for a long hard battle to see your kid. You're priorities are all wrong at the moment OP, being a good father is priority number one, not being a white knight boyfriend. Just keep in contact whatever legal way you can and get your shit together for fatherhood. You have a few months now to prepare for the battle of your life, don't spend that time worrying about missing useless routine doctors appointments, there is every chance you won't see your kids first steps, hear them say dada for the first time, you need to look to the future and prepare to fight to ensure you get to have those moments with your kid.
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