A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is pregnant by another man!I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 years. Over the last 3 years or so she has had an increasing problem with drink and because of this, she has been telling lies over the most stupid things. I first discovered about her dishonesty after watching her antics on the computer, chat rooms etc. She had denied everything. I took drastic steps and installed a program to 'spy' on her. I found out 3 weeks ago she had met a man through one of her friends and had spent time at his flat. She did eventually own up and promised nothing had gone on and she wouldnt do it again. The week after I found her car outside his flat again, I phoned her to ask her to come home with me. She didn't but the next day she came back and once again promised nothing had happened. I have now discovered that with the spy program she is pregnant, the chances of the baby been mine are very small indeed. She says she loves me, not him and that she had made a big mistake. I am distraght. What should I do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): I'd leave her. The sooner the better. It hurts a lot, but investing more years of your life into this mess will eventually hurt even more.
I'm sure you care about her and I'm sure there a lot of good qualities about her too, but you've got to respect yourself. If you don't, neither she nor anyone else ever will.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2008): She cheated on you more than once and lied to you about it. Didn't even have the decency to come home when sprung! You don't get pregnant by "doing nothing". I can't see a woman like this improving. It's going to be hell going through life with her, heartache after heartache.
My advice is to forget her and move on. There are better people out there, and you deserve one of them. She can raise the child herself, or with her lover, whichever she chooses. But the way she's been treating you, she can't seriously expect you to help her. You're not her husband; you don't have any responsibility to accept either her or her baby.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): I'm having a similar problem with my girlfriend. We've been living together for 4 years, and our relationship started very well. Some problems came up, mostly when she restarted her drug habits. This led to severe financial problems for us. She started stripping again to bring in an income (to help feed her habit). She met some guys at the club and had relationships with them. She told me about it after a while, and I forgave her. Then she met this other guy and spent a weekend with him. Again, I forgave her. Then she went away for a month, to get over her drug habit. She ended up staying by this guy's house. I accepted our relationship was over, but she said she wanted to come back. Again, I forgave her. Now she's dissappeared again for the weekend, and I find out she had a misscarriage with this guy's baby. It's driving me crazy. I don't think I've got it in me to forgive her again, especially since she didn't take me into her confidence to tell me what was going on - she was scheming and plotting behind my back with this guy and some of her friends to take care of the miscarriage. What if she didn't have a miscarriage, when would she have told me she was pregnant. I'm so pissed off about this, especially since I gave up a lot to be with her!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): stick around until you find out, if ifs not yours dont get stuck with someone who made you suffer and will most likely do it again. 1 thing for sure she doesnt love you she loves being around you and your comfort. What a fool that makes you look like carrying another mans child let alone the epidemic of stds growing. If you think you girl is one of a kind, its really 6 out of tengirls are the right kind for you. Dont be a sucker get a new one its for the best towards your future
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A
male
reader, ppez +, writes (29 November 2007):
Can i add some more info, we both went to get a private scan yesterday and the dates show that she may be 5 weeks pregnant in which case we were in Egypt. If this scan is out by only a week then the parentage is still in question. She does say her one night was a mistake and seems quite upset but wont sit down and explain things further. She does admit she was aware, ie not drunk, that she was about to have sex with this man. I am now in a more difficult situation as the baby may be mine. What would you do?...Stick by her and wait til the baby is born for a paternaty test. To be honest, I really want to know why she felt the need to 'shag' someone else when she says the sex with me is not a problem. Thanks again
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A
female
reader, Jez_rocks  +, writes (29 November 2007):
Yo homey, don't listen to the guys seriously if you like the girl then her having a baby would be okay, even if it is not yours. and throughing her out at the next curb is not the answer, you have to support her in the way that she needs it, but personal if you don't feel comfortable with it then don't do it but remember every one makes mistakes and you have to forgive her! and well she did get what was coming for her in a way!!! lol!! i hope that you do what you think is right because that is the most important thing in the world!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Leave her right now. No discussion. No extenuating circumstances are possible.
There are a whole lot of times when relationship problems can sound bad at first, but the longer version of the story paints a more complicated picture and the decisions aren't very easy anymore.
This is not one of those times.
This is one of those small number of OTHER times, when the story is so far out of whack that you don't even need to hear the longer version of it to make a decision. Because nothing will excuse the basic facts that were originally being explained here.
Leave her. I don't care whether or not you love her & care about her, it's not even about that. At this point you will not help her by continuing to let her walk all over you, but you will definitely be hurting yourself in the process. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by staying with her.
LEAVE HER. Do it for her and do it for yourself.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): Not only is this bird in serious trouble with problems, but she is also taking the piss out of you.
Drop her in her own mess and don't clean up after her! She is going to break your heart and then stomp on it! If the baby is yours, and your going to have to make sure it is with a DNA test, then clearly you will have a responsibility to the child, not her though!
Don't get conned into raising someone elses child. She needs to sort her shit out! good luck and be strong.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Drop her off at the next curb, pal. If it is your baby, and likely it isn't, then wait for her to come after you with the proof. Otherwise, it’s by bye, baby. I am known to be blunt, I will but crystal clear with you: She betrayed you, the child is not yours, she is not worth your time and tears. I know you feel like shit now, and six years is a lot of time to invest in a woman who has so obviously betrayed you, but you have to do a little growing up here and get her out of your life...now.
And by the way, you did good in spying on her. You got your answers. Now move on.
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A
female
reader, carergal +, writes (28 November 2007):
 She needs help from the Alchoal Awarness meetings.Also councling for both or you may help.I know she has had another mans baby but you two need to think of that baby and what life it deserves.You both need to concentrate on what is improtant.XX
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Hi,
What an awfull thing to go through. Should you get rid of her!! I guess the obvious answer would be Yes.
The thing is, you are going to have to put up with so much if you stay with her. The arguments, the trust issue, and to top it all bringing up another guys child.
You obviously love her, but are you willing to be in misery buy staying there. I think you sound like a nice guy really, despite the spying. You deserve more than this.
XX
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A
male
reader, ppez +, writes (28 November 2007):
OK, I have now registered and my nick name PPEZ. Thanks in advance for your answers. Believe me it helps.Distraught :-(
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (28 November 2007):
 I am sorry to hear about how she has been leading you on a merry chase. Its most certainly not fair on you!
I think the fact that she has been so dishonest on more than one occasion begs the question whether she seriously wants a relationship with you, or with the other man and a bottle to boot.
You may love her, but all the love in the world isnt going to change her if she doesnt want changed! At this very point in time, the baby is not the issue. The issue is how you feel about fidelity? Personally, I feel that you betray my trust once by cheating, you dont deserve a second chance, but I know there are many out there that feel differently to that! So you need to work out how you feel about it before you can move on and do what you need to do.
Her making promises that she cant keep isnt fair on you! You take her word at face value then find out she's a liar and that hurts more than anything. I know I have been there! I've been in your situation where my boyfriend of 4 years was cheating on me, right under my nose and I like you was suspicious enough to start doing investigative work. Only to find my suspicions true and it hurt. More so because I loved him and I was told on so many occasions that he wouldnt do that to me and that his "friend" was only a friend, nothing more. Till I caught him with his pants down. (Seriously! with his pants down!)
At that point, he was out of my life. I was prepared to do anything for him and he betrayed me in the worst possible way. You need to decide if you are prepared to give her another chance? If you give her another chance what the perameters are and what you expect from her? Finally what you propose doing about the baby?
I hope that this give you any clarity at all. But you have some big decisions to make now!
Let me know how you get on!
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A
male
reader, TomWilkinson +, writes (28 November 2007):
 Erm well the obvious thing is get rid of her! There's not a chance in hell you're happy when you're having to spy on her, which in itself is so wrong on your part! Find someone who doesn't cheat, lie and get pregnant off other blokes!
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