A
male
age
36-40,
*edneck1
writes:so me and my girlfriend broke up about a month ago, mostly her decision to leave. She said she felt unhappy and that the spark was gone but she still loved me and could see us having kids and getting married. She finished moving about about 3 weeks after we had broken up. There is also a guy that she used to work with that has a major crush on her, and they were hanging out before we broke up and still are. We are still in contact, she will come over spontaneously, and just sit next to me and cuddle up to me, she says she worries about me and misses me and loves me. I now have a lady friend who wants to sleep with me, but im not interested in her in that way, and my ex foundout one time we were hanging out and the idea of me sleeping with someone else made her physically ill and she vomited. we talked for a bit about how now she knows how i feel and have felt for a while. as she was getting ready to leave she turned and gave me a kiss. Later that night i talked to her at work, and she said that guy was moving out of state for a new job with almost complete certainty, but he said he would stay for her if she wanted him to. She told him to go take his new job and not stay for her. When i asked her what happens if he does stay, she said then she would have to choose between the two of us. I have never liked this guy even before all this, i can just tell he is not a good person, and all her good friends say the same thing. I'm angry at her for even considering being with this guy over me, im not perfeect but im alot better than him, i want to make her choose but i dont know what good thatll do, i still love her to death, i want her again. She meant the world to me, when im home alone i feel sad and depresed, but when im with her, i feel like the old me. When she found out about the other girl she said it made her mad, that she cant have me because i was hers. She says she also wants to study abroad in australia for a year, which if she did that it wouldnt work anyways but the chance of it happening is slim to none. She also has tried on several occasions to convince me to start a family with her, saying that it would help her make her decision, but i dont want her to have to be with me but want to. I dont know what to do, i was ready to propose, i have the ring and everything, i love her yet watching her be with him, and making stupid choices makes me angry at her. Should i jsut let her go and move on or should i try to get her back. We had a happy relationship, trusted each other, loved each other, had a good sex life, and a good future together, but it seems she didnt care, and threw it away, please help me. I want her back so bad but i dont know if i should take her back, she's the one i know it, but i dont know how to fix anything. Any advice is greatly appreciated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): "My girlfriend is not clear about what she wants and I don't know how to fix the mess that's been created"
She knows exactly what she wants, and there is no mess that's been created so therefore no mess exists for you to fix because you've done nothing wrong.
"I want her back so bad but i dont know if i should take her back, she's the one i know it, but i dont know how to fix anything. Any advice is greatly appreciated"
Sorry, but here's the cold harsh reality: She knows exactly what she wants, it's not you, and she's stringing you along because it's easier for her to just move on with the new dick in her life rather than to try and hammer it into your head that whatever you thought you had with her is over and you don't stand a bleeping chance; and she's doing it this way because she knows you'll hang on in silence to every false word and empty promise she utters, accomplishing her goal of elbowing you out of the picture totally and permanently with much less effort, frustration and stress on her part.
A
male
reader, redneck1 +, writes (5 October 2012):
redneck1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for the advice, i am trying to take more time for myself, my friends have been trying to help keep me busy, and as for her being with the guy i wouldnt be suprised but i know she didnt cheat on me, she's not that kind of person. But when we broke up we said that maybe we both just need time apart to see if we really love each other, both knowing we will probly sleep with other people and date, i am having a hard time with it, but i believe she is having it worse, she had to move into her parents house and share a room with her twin sister again. Her mom is very controlling and pretty much keeps tabs on every move she makes. Im trying to move on, my biggest fear was that she is the one and i wont find someone else, but as of late im not as worried about it because i have had on 2 occasions other women approach me about wanting to date which did wonders to my self esteem. I still have hopes for me and her because we have a good history and still love each other, but if it isnt meant to be it isnt meant to be and ill just have to deal with it. thanks again ill keep everyone updated with what happens.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 October 2012):
Friend you sound just as lost as her. You are sure of your feelings and I will give you that, but in regards to everything else, it just seems all over the place.
Firstly about the girl, we both know that you can't force someone's feelings. There isn't anything you can fix, the only one who can do that is herself.
Secondly, you need to find yourself again. You have this dependence on her that isn't based on anything real because she is simply not with you. She doesn't even know what she wants. All you are really attached to are memories. Nothing's wrong with that but not when they screw up with what is happening right in front of you.
My advice would be to take some time for yourself for once. Do something fun and focus on YOU. Take as long as it needs to clear your head. Maybe the answers you seek will naturally come to you. If you lose her in the process then so be it. I think you deserve better anyway. All the best.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): Mate she is and has already been with the other guy. I am not going to say she cheated cause I don't know that but it wouldn't surprise me.Girls don't just get confused for no reason. There is usually a trigger.My ex and I went from being good, to bad, to on a break in the space of a month. She told me all the same things that your misses is telling you. In fact it is scary similar. SHe had feelings for someone else and ended up trying to be with him. He used her, dumped her, then she came running back to me. I found out 3 months later what really happended and things effectively ended.
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