A
male
age
30-35,
*rusie
writes:Hey everyone. So me and my girlfriend have been together for just about a year and like starting a couple weeks ago she's not acting as cute and cuddly as she always did for the first like 11 months along with not wanting to have sex. To me sex is important and there's a special bond it creates that makes me feel much closer to her. Now she's saying she wants to start spending more time with her friends and like be able to go to parties and things. I said it's all fine cuz who am I to control her life, right? But now when we're together she still isn't acting like she did and it makes our time together rough for me. So then when she's off with her friends I feel unimportant and left aside. Any thoughts? What's going on with her? Am I right about sex in relationships? Am I just having trouble getting used to her being more independent? What's the deal? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): Sex is important in a long term and serious relationship, but you should not rely on that to create some sort of special bond with your gf because, when you do that, what you are indicating is that witout sex the relationship is not as important or it can't survive without it. If she is really young, she is going to want to party with people her own age...that is normal, but she should still make time for the relationship if it is worth it. But the sex thing with you needs to be worked on as well.....I think you both are in need of some therapy and advice if you are serious about this relationship.
A
male
reader, Trusie +, writes (2 April 2010):
Trusie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Lanzie,
First off thanks for your insight. Secondly, I was wondering how old you are, because we are 16. I know people generally give teenage relationships a bad wrap, but our being together for a year (about), I believe, is a testament to it's legitimacy. I'm hoping that what happened with you and your guy isn't the case with us. At first I thought she was cheating on me, which naturally bred some insecurity and of course she didn't find that appealing you know? It turned out I was wrong (obviously), but I still have this nagging doubt in the back of my mind. Tomorrow we're going to see a movie, and if things are normal with us she'll want to be intimate later in the evening. If she doesn't, I think that'll be the last sign that I need to take me out of this denial of the fact that things may be ending, and put me into the realm of what may really be going on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (2 April 2010):
You need to talk to her about what's going on.
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A
female
reader, Lanzie +, writes (1 April 2010):
Ok So I did the EXACT same thing to my boyfriend. I loved him I truely did but after about a year and 10 months I started wanting to go out more with my friends and drink and dance. I stopped having sex with him and felt less attracted to him. I loved him but more as a friend, but I had been with him so long I didn't know how to function without a relationship. After a while of me going out and denying him sex, he cheated on me. We broke up. I am MUCH happier now. All I wanted in the end was to be independent and have fun.
These may be the thoughts going through your girlfriends mind. This is my particular story, but what described it my exact behavior.
Talk to her!
My ex never did.
talk talk talk talk.
talking is the best thing EVER.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (1 April 2010):
 Ok so if she wants to spend more time with her friends why does that not include you? Why are you separate from her friends? She wants to go to parties. Why don't you go to parties together? Aren't you a couple?
You asked so here is what I think. The deal is that I think she wants to break if off with you. Sorry to say that and be so harsh but this appears to be the reality. Trust what your gut is telling you. If you feel unimportant and left aside then you probably are in her eyes. Do this - break up with her now! This will either snap her back to reality and to you or she'll go her merry way. Don't hang around just waiting to get your heart broken by this girl, she is alrady starting to crush it. Ok?
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