A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've worked with my boss (a woman in her late 60's!) ever since I finished mt master's degree 6 years ago. I did a few internships for the company, worked under a contract for two years and then got a permanent appointment. I won't lie. It's a low paying, dead-end job for which I am overqualified and where I don't get to make any new contacts. But I do it with respect and never complain. A foreigner in a country with high unemployment rate, I don't get to be very picky. I do my job well, have a positive attitude and have had no complaints so far.Here's what's been bugging me. I've made a BIG mistake that I don't know how to correct. While I call my boss Mrs. XY, she calls me by my first name and has never ever offered me to be on first name basis with her. That in itself wouldn't be odd hadn't I noticed over time that she's on the first name basis with other coworkers and even some of the interns (the latest thing)!My other boss (a man) is on the first name basis with me as is the case with everybody else. I have no idea how to correct this, because honestly I sometimes feel disrespected by her. It's mostly visible on small things, but on the bigger ones too. She tends not to give me ANY responsibility and avoids inviting me to any important meetings with outside parties. All of this is not the case with the other boss. But he's far less around and is not as much involved in daily functioning of the company. But otherwise I can't complain. She's not mean and doesn't treat others better than me. It's not that I don't care what the root of the problem is. I just don't know, can't even guess. (jealousy? cultural racism? fear I might replace her? ...) Is there anything I could do?Trouble is that by nature, I'm mostly quiet, reserved, I can't see myself just starting addressing her by her first name or directly asking her.By the way, this is not my first long-term job. I've never had a similar problem.
View related questions:
at work, co-worker, my boss Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2016): Hey, I think this might be an easy answer for you. You will have to risk a little ego and put aside your shyness for like 5 seconds...
Next time you are speaking with her, after you use her name, say "Mrs. XY, can I call you Mary?" Then wait for her response. If she is on a first name basis with everyone else there, I assume she will be fine with you calling her by her first name too, regardless of if she really likes you much or not.
The other option would be to start calling her by her first name & see if she corrects you.
The other issues you mention about the atmosphere in the office, and her attitude of distrust toward you; Those can only be fixed by finding a new job at another company. If you have been there 6 years already this is not likely to change. You will need to decide if you can live this way going forward or if you are uncomfortable enough to take a risk and make a change.
I hope the name thing can be at least one straw off that camel's back though!
Best of luck.
A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (13 June 2016):
 You feel overqualified for your job. You are not in your own country and you don't use your manager's Christian name when everyone else does.
It appears your self confidence needs a boost. As far as your manager is concerned either just call her by her Christian name (what's the worst that can happen?), or if you are worried then ask her, 'Do you mind if I call you ....?' She might well be asking herself why you are being so formal when everyone else uses her first name.
Second, look for another job fitting your skills, experience and qualifications.
Third, is it possible for you to go home to your own country? You will be more comfortable on your home soil.
The main point you must take on board - and this is important to everyone - is that if you are not valued where you work you only really have one option.
...............................
|
