A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So there are plenty of other forums and questions just like this but none with exactly my issues...My girlfriend and I have been dating for nearly 1 year. She is my fifth sexually, I am her 3rd-ish. My problem is that she is extremely lazy during sex. Neither of us are crazy sexual beings but sex has almost become a chore now. My other problem (probably related) is that sex happened maybe once a week and now has trickled to less than that. I am totally in love with her and I know she loves me as well but I'm at a loss of what to do. I will be 100 replies saying communicate, but she just gets angry and blames me for never making a move. She was in a relationship for 2 years where she never had to make the first move and has no intentions of doing that now. So I am hesitant in doing anything because I have denial issues. Its a huge blow to my confidence even if I get denied for a small thing (too deep of issues now...). Anyway. Any advice in getting her more active in initiating sex or participating more?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. I know in my heart that communication is the way to go, and spicing things up will definetly help. I've taken these and a few other answer from other questions and have a plan of attack! There are so many other aspects to our situation that I'm sure play factors, but I'm sure our commitment to each other will hold strong and we will come through better than ever.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): What a problem to have at your age, I would have thought you would have a healthy sex-life when you have only been dating a year too.
You have to talk about it with her before you have zero sex. Or try romance, candles etc,bath together, try a massage with scented oils but get her to massage you too, buy her some gorgeous undies and get yourself some new ...anything to get the message across.She should be equally as keen as you, not letting you do all the initiating though.
If she still can't be bothered then maybe you should think about seeing a therapist together... or moving on
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): There are a couple of issues here, first one is that it takes a lot of maturity and comittment to understand another persons sexuality, she might be open minded to doing different things but wired to 'feel taken care of' and to be courted and romanced. Sex starts with the mind it is not a physical lust thing.
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A
female
reader, OscarsMummyReturns  +, writes (17 February 2012):
she shouldnt just expect you to initiate and do all the work, its asthough she is enjoying the control - is she naturally bosy or do you take charge outside the bedroom.. it seems you are so young to be stuck in a sexual rut, why not invest in porn etc?? or maybe just an over steamy film ?? i personally dont know how you could come back from this unless you are frank with her, what have you got to lose apart from a dull sex life ??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2012): I would start small. Does she have a fantasy/role play that she likes? Encourage her to dress up, like take her to Frederick's and by her an ensemble so she could get into the mood and take risks. Start with foreplay on her, you could make it into your own fantasy, you start kissing her first and what not, and if she asks for more, dangle the pleasure in front of her. Say "what are you going to do for me?" in the most sexy way possible. If she doesn't bite, end it right there! It will get frustrating I know, but eventually, she's probably gonna want some sex that doesn't include herself. GOod luck!
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