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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: The thing is, I have some insecurities about the size of my butt. I've been together with my bf for around 3 years and from the beginning he has wished my bottom was bigger. I have gained some weight (around 9 kg)and done exercise and as a result my butt is (in my opinion at least) nice looking, round and perky, but still my bf says it could be bigger. His comments have made me feel somewhat insecure about my body. It also annoys me when he sometimes says that his sister has a "womanly" figure and that "men like women with curves". I've been trying to discuss with him about this and I've repeatedly told him that it doesn't feel nice when he's saying things that hurt my feelings, specially when I have worked hard to get the butt I have now. But he doesn't seem to get the point.Dear people, what should I do? Am I being too sensitive to his comments?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2014): Lets ask you a question... on the basis that all women like a guy with muscles and zero fat obviously (well obviously that is not the case but anyway...) Would you tell him that you think he needed more toned abs? huge pecs or biceps? I don't think you are being overly sensitive but I do think you are being a doormat. If you don't like his comments you want to look him up and down and say "Well yeah I would like Brad Pitt but we can't have everything we want can we". Failing that maybe pin a picture of a totally hot guy semi naked to the front of your fridge. I hope this helps. Personally I would tell a bloke to stick it that spoke to me like that because no man should ever make you feel not good enough. By your response however, I think you have a way to go on realising that. I hope you don't get hurt any more in the process.
A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 November 2014):
 Everyone knows the impact of words!!! Some just do not care enough about the person they are saying to....your own words..."because if someone comments or says something rude to him about his body he could care less." He could care less. No person who truly "loves" someone would would say things to bring them down.How would he like it if you said "I wish your D*ck was bigger". Guess who would be feeling insecure. He says these things to you because he gets away with it, and you just make excuses to protect his wrong behaviour.Imagine if you guys had kids. One of those kids is not up to his standard. So you will just sit back while he puts down your child, and say to them "Daddy doesn't fully understand the impact of his words"....Really!!! These are thing you have to think about with anyone who puts you down. What will things be like 5 years from now?This is just a seed now...You allowing it to happen over and over is like adding water to that seed. Soon it will grow into a tree that will destroy your self-esteem. Then it will take you another 3 years to repair the damage. Think!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2014): Thank you for all the replies and specially to Euphoric29 and Chigirl for the help. Some of you had maybe interpreted my text wrong. I would like to clarify that I did not gain weight for him, that was something I wanted to do for myself and same goes for the exercise too. Of course my bf has some really wonderful sides in him too, and that is also the reason why I don't want to break up with him. I think he doesn't fully understand the impact of his words when he comments my butt, because if someone comments or says something rude to him about his body he could care less. He is very confident and doesn't give much importance to words. So he's not hurting me or being a jerk on purpose.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (10 November 2014):
 Oh f*** him. Hes superficial and stupid. Next hell tell you not enough makeup or your boobs arent big enough
This is just the beginning. He is stupid and not all men prefer curvy women i sure dont mind them but his specific preference is equivalent to a woman saying your d*** isnt big enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): Cannot believe you'd stay with such a selfish, insensitive fool. You've actually changed for him, he met you and felt he had to change you. No way, you are who you are and if he didn't like that well then he should've left.
Don't let him define you or rule you. I couldn't be with someone like that, you deserve a lot better.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 I think he is being an ass - QUITE literally.
If you PREFERRED a bigger penis then what he's got, and it's something he CAN NOT alter, how would he feel if you KEPT bring up his "smaller" size?
Is he seriously intellectually impaired?
I have to say, I don;t understand why you went to such extremes to "please" him. However, IF YOU are please with your rear-end and he is not... TELL HIM to go kick rock and find a women with a bottom big enough for him, because you are FREAKING FLY as it is and can not, will not CHANGE for him.
What is he expecting? Butt-implants?
Why do you allow this crap from him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2014): Tell him he can leave at any time to pursue the perfect butt or he can stop his ridiculous campaign. Make it clear that you won't tolerate this anymore.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (9 November 2014):
Dear OP,
You're not too sensitive at all, I totally get you. This is so hurtful!
What I find very sad is that you let him make you so insecure, that you changed your body for him, even if you initially didn't have the wish to do so. This shows his words hurt you and that he puts pressure on you to conform to his ideas, yet he's never pleased with you, no matter what you do.
My advice is to put an end to this sick game. Tell him straight out that if he's not happy with you, he can leave. You also need to mean it. YOU are the most important person in your life and now it's enough. You tried to please him, but he's like a spoilt kid, you can't give any more, you should stop to exhaust yourself trying to be someone you are not.
He needs to realize that the love you give to him is not just this comfortable pillow, that he can lie on to make commands and to nag. Your love is a gift, and he needs to prove worthy of it.
You know, I believe some people don't realize what great things they have in their lives, until they realize that they can be taken away from them, again. If you're too dependent on him and hang in there no-matter-what, he might be the kind of man to lose respect and to forget what a great person you are. You need to remind him that you have an opinion of your own, and that you are an individual, not just a mirror of his dreams. You might not be perfect.. but well, he is not perfect either. He can either start to live in reality, and appreciate the woman he has, or continue to dream about the perfect woman..on his own.
Because I'm sure, as soon as he finds a woman with the perfect butt, he will start to criticize something else about her, physical or emotional, and he will use you as a comparison to make her feel bad about herself.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 You can't be serious. If you are and this bf of yours is as you describe then what on earth are you still even talking to him for? He's not only a looney tune but the ultimate control freak.Good Luck...but run to the hills.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 November 2014):
 He's being dumb to say these things to you. Just tell him flat out that if he's not happy with your butt, then it's time he gets out of the relationship and starts to date the butt of his dreams. Or, he needs to shut up about it and love you the way you are. You look the way you look, and nothing wrong with that. If he didn't like it then he shouldn't have gotten with you. So if it's such a big problem for him, then he needs to DEAL with it and get out of the relationship, instead of pushing HIS problem over on you. You're not the one who's got a problem with the way you look, he's the one with a problem.
Then again, if you truly are insecure and are always asking him to approve of your appearance, then perhaps he's just tired of always having to tell you the same answer and is just being honest with you, no harm intended.
How would you describe the conversation when the topic of your butt comes up? Who brings it up? If it's you who bring it up: STOP BRINGING IT UP. If it's him who brings it up: tell him he needs to end the relationship if it's such a big problem for him, or that he must accept the way you look and shut up about it.
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