A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Friday nightMy girlfriend is going out this Friday night and I am beginning to feel anxious. I just need someone to talk to about it to as I get a bit paranoid. Basically she will be going out after work at about half 9 with her friends in a different town. Most of my friends play sport on the Saturday so wont want to go out and the ones that will will want to go to a different town for maybe a few pints until 11pm.If my girlfriend goes out she will be out till 2-3pm when the clubs close. We spend a lot of time together and when she is out and I am not with her all sorts tends to run through my head. It is worse when I get home at 11pm and have to go to bed knowing she will be out until 3pm and anything could happen to her and I would not be there to help. Deep down I don’t really think anything will happen but I am looking for advice from people as to how to not feel anxious and worried about my girlfriend being out without me.I think it all stems back to another girl I went out with who was out of control and drank too much and really hurt me. When your out and you partner is not how do you relax and enjoy your night??Thanks in advance for the help. It is appreciated. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Happytochat
Thanks for the response.
I guess that my insecurities come from the way we met.
We were both in dead end relationships and both cheated on our other half’s to be together.
I do trust her or at least I want to but can you ever really trust someone 100%?
As a general rule she does not get hammered or wasted she has a laugh. Occasionally she gets a bit drunk and cranky but don’t we all!
I think my last relationship has messed things up and I don’t want it to. Sometimes I know I have trust issues but don’t know what to do about it.
It is not fair on her to always have to talk about it either as she has done nothing wrong!
A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 September 2009):
I know how you feel. My ex bf used to always go clubbing without me and I would worry so much. I would worry that he might do something stupid beause he would get so drunk, or that other girls might make moves on him and he might make moves on them too! I would lay awake, getting no sleep, crying, feeling so sick because I was so anxious. It wore me down emotionally and physically because I would do this everytime he went out and it hapened alot.
However, if there is one thing I have learnt from the situation it is that trust is the key issue. Personally, from my situation I had good reasons not to trust my bf, so it wasnt steming from any personal inseucrities of mien. I am now with a different guy who I trust completely and if he goes out I dont worry at all. I never get worried about the thought of a girl making a move on him because I know he will deal with it appropiately.
So I guess my question for you is, do you trust your gf? If not, you need to think about why you dont trust her. Has she given you reasons to not trust her? Or is it more to do with personal insecurities you could have?
As for your being worried that she might get hurt etc. I understand, clubbing can be pretty dangerous. Does your gf drink alot? If she doesnt drink alot, then she will be safer because she wont be as vulnerable. Remember she is also going out in a big group- safety in numbers. Will any of her friends be sober? Usualy when I go out with friends there is atleast one person who is sober to look out for everyone. But I can understand your worry, but there isnt much you can do apart from have faith that she will be sensible by not geting really drunk, watch her drinks etc. How does she act when you have been out with her? Is she sensible?
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