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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: my girlfriend is an alcholic and says she loves me and wants to spend time with me but always uninvites me to events she's asked me to go with her , won't let me come with her to do things an will only spend time with me for maybe 3hours per week i feel like she 'really doesn't want this relationship and very confused i call her and ask if she wats to do things and she is not blunt in saying no which ido not like she has started aa when i first met her 5 months ago and now claims she hsa no time for me ??????????
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): My ex girlfriend was an alcoholic and did the exact same thing to me...uninviting me to events she had invited me to. One time she invited me, uninvited me, then invited me again to an event.... all within a 24 over period. She would say things like, "oh you don't have to go" What? I knew that already, are you saying you don't want me to go? Etc. They can be quite good at manipulation, but I wasn't having it.
Are you sure she is not still drinking...perhaps she is experiencing the dry drunk phenomenon..they totally withdraw into themselves. My solution was to leave after a few months of the uninviting and spending one day together every week or two. She would email every day, but claimed to be insular I just decided I had enough and left her behind. There are only two ways to recover from an alcoholic relationship, they recover or you leave. Some believe that leaving is the only solution, that life is to short for the anxiety, anger, and loneliness of being involved with an alcoholic. This is the only guaranteed solution for YOU.
I know you are feeling these things, have you ever been lonelier in your life? I will tell you, leaving an alcoholic that you are hooked on can be as hard as an alcoholic leaving the bottle. The results of staying addicted can be destructive to the point of being life threatening. So my vote is to leave her, take your freakin power back before the damage becomes too great. Best Wishes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): You need to get yourself into an AL-ANON meeting. AL-ANON is a fellowship of men and women who are families or partners of alcholics, practising or recovering, and it doesn't cost a penny.I bet she has told you that already!She is going to AA so presumably she has stopped drinking. You think she doesn't have time for you now. That may be because she is afraid that you facilitate her drinking. Ask yourself honestly, would you rather she was still drinking?
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A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (17 August 2007):
 IF I am understanding your write up and question correctly, you've been with your girlfriend who is an alcoholic and she started in AA about 5 months ago and apparently DURING that time has left you out of events and her social life. Sound right? IF this is what has happened, the reason is because in AA, EACH suffering alcoholic MUST commit themselves to literally living a "healthy" lifestyle and to be free from any possible "danger" until they can handle it. They must commit themselves by attending meetings, sometimes every day, sometimes helping other alcoholics and to be there for them when they fall. They can only depend on those in "there" circle, not you. IF this is the problem, either you will need to talk to her and be patient IF she is still wanting to continue on in a relationship or, move on from it. I was married to an alcoholic for many years, and I stood by him to "help" him, realizing much later, it wasn't my "job" to help him, but for him to help not only himself, but if he needed to others. I used to be very jealous because he was always with someone else and never me. It's how he was able to stay sober and still is AFTER our divorce. There were more reasons of why we divorced, but the thing is and just being very truthful here, it's like saying he had his "new family", and I wasn't part of it. I tried so hard to be a part of it, to want to see him, but it really made things even worse.
My thoughts: Both of you need to make the time to see if this is something SHE even wants to continue with you, because she may not want to and is not telling you this. Both of you need to be very honest with each other completely. At that point, you will know what and how you should handle things. If you are to work it out, you should be very supportive and understanding what she is trying to do and succeed in doing, but it is very hard and you MUST be a patient person.
Best of Luck to BOTH of you!
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A
female
reader, x_goddess_x  +, writes (16 August 2007):
 she NEEDS to stop drinking and she NEEDS to think about wat she wants and btw you should make ur self happy if she has no time for you y shoud you have tiome for her get someone tht cares about and tht has time for you also hu dnt have a drink problem
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A
male
reader, Everlasting Love +, writes (16 August 2007):
I believe that the both of you need to talk this out, tell her how you feel about her drinking and all, it seems to me that she's a bit on the wild side but it's exclusive, not being able to come to social events with her shows that maybe this relationship isn't what's best for the both of you, so the bottom line is a choice: you or the alcohol.
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A
female
reader, lawoods +, writes (16 August 2007):
Hey. This sounds very stressful, but it's OK! I think when you first met her you thought she's different and no she has obviously changed (for the worse). I think you need to break up with her. Think of what the future would be with her! Never having time for you, and life would be miserable for your kids! But if you really love her, you'd get her the help she needs to change her life. Get her to see a counselor, or a priest to help. You cant go on like this forever, and neither can she.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (16 August 2007):
 Hi
What a nightmare.
Its a toughie being with an alcoholic. I was with one a year. To be honest it was just one of the reasons i split from him in the end, 2 months ago. He is still the same, sits in the beer garden of the pub next to my house. His van is out there now. And he will probably drive it home. Ive tried letting the police know, because he also has a car thats not taxed & mot'd, but they dont know when he is going to leave & i guess they cant sit waiting all evening.
The trouble with alcoholics is they wont stop til they are ready & dont have any staying power when it comes to time tables & punctuality. Especially if booze is involved.
When you know if it came down to it, the bottle is what they love more than you, you need to get out really.
I dont know what to suggest to be honest.
Only that your life can be so much better without an alcoholic in it. I wouldnt mind my ex being banned from driving at least so we dont have to walk past him at the pub, when we go round to the shop.
They are not my faveourite people ive gotta admit.
C xxxxx
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