A
male
age
30-35,
*ustice_102
writes:My girlfriend has been addicted to porn since before we got togeather but told me she had stopped at the beginning of the relationship. I recently found out that shes been watching porn behind my back, this really pisses me off... Im not even quite sure why. I cant honestly say ive never watched porn before, but I never have while in a relationship as I feel its disrespectfull to be looking at other woman while in a comitted relationship, just not fair for peoples psyche you know? anyway, how do I get more confertable with the concept of her watching porn all the time? I feel like I cant even leave for work in the morning without that sence of mistrust. I know its not normal for a guys to have problems with this but... I do, can that ever change? is it fair to ask her to change? i just dont know what to do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2010): I have the exact same problem with my boyfriend. I wish he saw it as disrespectful like you do. Instead he tries to keep it a secret. I hate it more than anything, it's destroying our relationship. He's promised over and over again that he'll never do it again, but he always comes back to it. It makes me feel terrible about my self, and that I'll never be enough. I don't really know what to do either..I'm tired of taking the time to confront him with it, only for him to do it again a couple days later. Have you tried talking to her about it yet? Just tell her how it makes you feel..tell her you don't look at other girls behind her back and she shouldn't be looking at guys behind yours. I wish all guys were as honest and trusting as you.
A
male
reader, twinlab99  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 dude you watch porn too, so it's all cool. Next time you see her watching porn, get into it!! and have sex. :)
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 It's her body, it's her hands and it's her eyes. She has a right to masturbate and she has a right to enjoy herself this way. You watch pornography, you know why it's enjoyable. You choose not to watch it, but she dosen't see the world the way you do. She dosen't see pornography as being unfaithful, it's her way of enjoying herself and letting of steam. I suggest if you don't like it, then ask her not to do it in front of you. If your sex life is good, and you have frequent sex, I suggest you leave her alone.
People need their own private time, they need space to fantasise. If they feel controlled then they will get resentful. Try to arrange more activities out of the house together in an attempt to get closer and build intimacy. She will cut down or stop pornography if she has something more interesting to do. The more you make a fuss, the more she'll do it, if only to hold on to her independence. Making a fuss makes it seem more forbidden and that will make it sexy and exciting.
Why do you feel that pornography is a threat to you?
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (24 March 2010):
 I just want to say what a lovely guy you sound. It shows what a decent human being you are that yoiu are concerned about your partner's psyche by not watching porn when you are in a relationship. I think that's remarkable and wonderful.
The thing is, not all people understand or care about how damaging looking at porn can be to their partner's psyche. It is predominantly men who see watching porn as harmless, normal and their right. But there are more and more woman thinking this is fine. I am unbiased, there are many varied and opposing views on this subject, who's to say what is right? What is right for one person and one couple is what is right. The problem is you and your partner have different opinions on this issue.
I'd suggest talking to her about it. Just let her know how her porn addiction makes you feel. Explain your views. Ask her why she watches porn. Try to find out her motivation for watching it. Once you understand her reasons, you might be able to accept it more instead feeling pissed off about it. OR you may find she doesn't really enjoy it and its more a force of habit. Talking about it with you might help her realise she wants to stop looking at so much porn and spend her energy elsewhere, like on your relationship.
Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): Dude porn is really addicting if you get caught up in it, I used to look at it everyday, but once I ment my girlfriend I didn't need it. If you don't want her to be looking at it , you should step it up and play around with her if you know what I mean. Maybe she just wants some action. If you give her what she wants she won't need to look at porn anymore.
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