A
male
age
41-50,
*efstar187
writes:heres my questionim in love with a woman who ive been with for the last three years on and off, we are talking again. the problem is that she is a stripper. i have mixed feelings about the whole thing, she has quit for me in the past but this time around she refuses. i dont want to lose her but the idea of her spending time with these "customers" is driving me crazy, is lap dancing cheating?she takes the mens phone numbers but deletes them when she gets home, or in front of me. thoughts feelings comments i've tryed to leave her alone, we did not talk for a whole year but every girl i date is nothing compared to her beauty and personalityplz help
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male
reader, Popyseed +, writes (2 December 2008):
Isn't catering to a gullible crowd of men frowned upon?You ladies can put it any which way you want, and typicaly I find that women do things without thinking about how it affects their men.Not one of you has said how important it is to you to make sure your man feels secure in the relationship. Women want the fairy tale, they want trust, and freedom to have fun.... you want your cake and to eat it too.It's not just a job... it's taking advantage of single lonely people for a LIVING... and even the most ignorant amongst us can tell that it's wrong.What decent man in his right mind wants the woman he has a relationship with pulling her clothes off in front of just anyone? How does that make a man feel to know he isn't special in that regard?Do I have to have dollar bills to get my girlfriends affection???? she gives it to everyone else for pennies on the dollar.And mostly we aren't talking about strong women that seperate their life from their job, we are talking about women with a bad self image taking advantage of not only the customers, but the man who loves them most as well....If you spend 8 hours doing somthing it isn't just a job it IS your life, hence you are what you do, and you approach the rest of your life with a similar attitude.Just a job.... Yeah and for the guy pulling the switch for an electric chair it's just a job.
A
male
reader, Popyseed +, writes (28 November 2008):
Women will allways say, "it's just a job, and why should what she does at work make a diffrence?"
My Girlfriend just started stripping a week ago, and I dropped her off on her first day, sticking around because she asked me to.
10 minutes into it she comes out dressed up like she never does for me, and tells me to leave...
She's 19 years old and is passing this whole thing off as somthing she has to do to get out of debt,(she works another job full time in a resteraunt) she hasnt told her father, and she has lied to her mother about it...(though her mom is a smart lady and emediatly saw through the B.S.)
For the lady's sayiing its just a job...hey theres being nice to a customer in a resteraunt because you serve food and would like a tip...
then theres letting a guy rub his manhood on you through a pair of jeans, or shaking your breasts at him for a dollar bill. I love her, and she knows it, and this whole thing is tearing me apart.
What if I run into one of her "customers" while we are out?
TRUST!? do you know strippers? the way they act? "can I please take you in a dark room and shake my tail on your lap!!!???"
asking a man to take that is to much,... that say otherwise.
If you love a man...you dont put him through hell for a dead end job that when you turn 40 you cant do anymore...you dont see men going to strip clubs every night when thier women tell them not to, yet she goes there 3 times a week.
None of you would put up with the male equivilant for a second, and if you would than you are truly sad....me and her are over the next time I see her...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): Hi everybody male and female reader,
I have been in that entertainment for 6 months and make very good money that you can not even imagine and I mean it..just only doing lap dances at the club. We often make joke when we talk about some old horny drunkers offer us to go to hotels for a hummhum for couple hundred dollars and yes they offered us like they spend ten thousand dollars offer.You know what if they know that how much I make just at the club then they could shut up their mouth and feel ridiculous for their offers. We are dancers, not a hookers, jerks!..go to the block..dummass. And if your girlfriend work at nice clubs, then you don't have to worry about because everywhere in the club have the camera on you, the club is more strick with dancers and customers. They care about their big business & other hundred employees than to let one bad dancer being caught by the cops and bring troubles into the club. Every dancers are smart to make a math that if she get caught to do outside job with ugly stinky customers for couple hundreds, she would loss $ thoudsand thousand for lossing a chance to work with a big income club ever again.If the dancers wants to be an escort then she should go Vegas to do legaly and make a huge money there without being charged as a prostitute at other states.
Regarding customers give phone numbers and business cards. Everybody gives their phones number and business cards in any kind of field in business whereever you go and they expect other people receive them with respects and hope you to call them back for business. In my business, Do I call them back? ..NO..bad idea..my business is to make them fantasy about me and bring themself back & spend on me at the club. Is that sound too shallow, right?. No, it is just a business that you want to buy a happy relax timming for yourself and we make it that happened for you. It is all about the game..nobody working for free, including you to be honest.
I m not going to say here there is no bad dancers to do bad things, but it is happened just for dancers who is not beautiful & have a sexy body enough and work at small tiny club that they could not make any money by dancing or you could say they convert by changing the job from hookers to dancers then they do bad...
I also agree with you about the job it is hard for any guys be able to tell his parents or social circles that he dates a stripper at the time she is a dancer, but most of dancers be able to married like all others woman at the end. she also change her situatiaton in difference jobs with a strong financial secure background, street smart, and super know how to please their man and look sexy in many years to come, instead of let her husband spend money at the strip club or down the block...
it is time for everybody think differenly about dancers and others type of jobs in general. Dancers bring man or woman's the fantasy in their own world. Waitress bring food and serve you like your lovely mother at home. Nurse take care of you and wipe your ass when you are so sick in bed, nail technicians do pedicure to make your ugly feets become beautiful feets...more and more jobs that you should not judge and laugh about..dont be too high class and more educated than others people..you never know one day in your entire life that would happened some rainning day to you and your family and look up to see those people you judged about they have more money that you wish to have..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2008): It is just her JOB, get over it. Just like a barmaid or nurse, she has to talk to men during her shift.Her job is to entertain, not everyone can do that job it takes a strong, hard working woman to put up with drunken men for 12 hours at a time when all\she really wants to do is to be curled up on her sofa watching tv.Try visiting a strip club every night for a fortnight, go when its really quiet, and stay for hours even when you are really hungry and tired.... thats what its like for a stripper. Not a fun, horny place. Its boring. Just like any dull, samey job.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): it'd defstar i forgot my password
heres the answer to yr questions
1. she dont have any guy friendsshe has a daughter and spends all her free time with her or her family
i check her phone for new numbers
and i never find anything.
2. she works at a dive bar and ive been there
i trust that she never has sex for money
ive know her for four years and shes not a slut
in fact she hates sex and the strip club makes her hate it more
3. like i said she has a daughter who she see all the time
she calls me and i know shes with her child,
i agree the $ is too good and you cant change anyone
she's quit for me in the past but it's not real till she quits for herself
i can tell when she's almost ready to quit
she quit once for herself and did not go back to the club for years... i think she wants out again
she has a plan and i believe her thus far
i know she loves me, its a four year love
she's not some slut i just started falling for ,
we have a very deep conection and a history
my mind however is killing itself cause the thoughts i have while she is working hurts more than i could describe
you have some good points but like every relationship and woman are different not all strippers are alike
thanks everyone
only time will tell ive put in four years why not a few more months, the girl dont change but the sisuation can
defstar
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Defstar....I feel for you buddy. Man, I know your pain I was recently in a similar predicament. Let's start by asking a couple of tough questions.1. How many guys does she know that are "friends"? Did she develop any of these friendships during your off times. Do her "friends" hang around? Do they show up at your place on her off days, and tag along with you when you just want to have some time alone? Do you frequently "run into" guys that know her a little too well who then when you ask about she says "just a friend?" 2. Does she work at a dive or a gentleman's club? Not that there is much of a difference. Does she tell you she has never dated the customers? Guess what? If she tells you that and says that the other girls do, she is sure to have given more than one customer a hummer in the parking lot at some point in time. 3. Does she leave for long periods of time on you, where she wont pick up the phone, or comes back home to start a fight with you in the middle of the night and leaves again? Then shows up 3 days later looking like 90 miles of bad road?The realization, and it is a hard one to come to when you are as smitten as we both are is that 1)the money is too good for her to quit dancing 2)there is little that you can do to ever change her. Don't even try. 3) there will alway be the thought in your mind about what she is doing. Man,I know about the sleepless nights, and the horrible thoughts that come with all the baggage. But I also know that the reality is probably more horrendous than you can possibly imagine. Remember that her job is to shake her boobs and her ass in front of strangers for MONEY. It will all lead to more damage for yourself. Love may conquer all, but messing with strippers is the best way of letting your own mind kill itself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): Although this lady does have a right to choose her career, i believe you shouldn't have to come second to that. A good relationship should be based on trust and with such an occupation it must be very difficult for you to trust her. As much as you love her, if she isn't willing to move to a profession in which you both feel comfortable, you probably shouldn't be together. In regard to other girls not measuring up, until you get this one out of your head, all other women will pale in comparison. It's your choice, but I would leave her and move on.
Hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, defstar187 +, writes (24 December 2007):
defstar187 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your timeyou make sensehappy hoildays to you
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A
female
reader, Butterflyfly  +, writes (23 December 2007):
 what leanne has said fits in with what i know about strippers. i have a very good friend who is a stripper and to her her job is her job, she is extremely professional about it. she's 'catering' for a gullable crowd of men and sells a fantasy. every person is different but from her i've never herd of man-eater strippers, some of them are even lesbians but who can tell! i think these girls are very smart indeed!
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A
male
reader, Uraz  +, writes (23 December 2007):
 Who wont be bothered by such kind of job. I mean no normal man for God's sake would tolerate such a situation.
Will you be able to tell your parents or social circles you date a stripper, lap dancer. Is it do you think a job which doesn't involve sex?
isn't she selling her body in one sense, isn't it sexual play?
Have you gone out of your mind?
You can be with her if you chose to, but don't call it a relationship.
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A
female
reader, leanne.od +, writes (23 December 2007):
 well, you will need to accept that this is her career choice and whether you approve or not, it is her decision. i don't beleive it to be cheating, she isn't doing anything untowards with these clients. she isn't having sexual contact with them, for her it is a job and for them it is sexual stimulation. okay, it is saucy and some guys may get carried away but the rules are clear, no touching or groping the girls, every man who goes to a strip club knows this. you need to trust her that she is just doing a job, even though it is not thought of as a highly rated job, more girls are getting interested in it, because they are good dancers and performers, but that is it, they are performing. not cheating. and if she takes a number from one of the guys she dances for it is probably to increase the chance of getting a tip, like waitresses are extra polite, dancers seem extra keen. even though the guys are more likely than not half cut and won't remember a thing come th morning. it's entertainment, and you need to figure out whether you can accept it and put it out of your mind because until you can honestly answer yes, then it is unfair on you both to be in a relationship.
trust her, beleive her and don't judge her by her job.
merry christmas.
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