| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend will never admit she's wrong. I always have to say sorry to her first if we argue. Then she doesn't even say sorry back. She has never said sorry once in our 2 yr relationship. Things that are clearly her fault; she won't say sorry just fall out with me. So I have to say sorry ,when I have nothing to be sorry for. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2015): I have lived with my wife of 21 years who does not apologize or accept apologies. Definitely a personality flaw. I did not know this was her behavior until long into the marriage since we seldom had things to apologize for. deal with it now, let her know it's unacceptable for long term before marriage.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2011): You are not the only one who's going through this.i also have a friend who does that and because i love her so much i find my self saying sorry instead.such people cause too much pain at times you even get to think they don't love you.they never want to talk about their wrongs and when it is too much,we have to let them go
...............................
A
male
reader, jimelin  +, writes (13 October 2010):
My girlfriend is the same way... I really don't know what to do about it besides confronting her. I'd suggest you do the same, and, like Bev says, let her weigh what's more important: carrying on a relationship with you or being "correct". If she chooses the latter, you probably don't want to be with her anyway.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005):
How are you going to have a marriage with someone like that?!? You cant, its impossible.
Either move on or limit your relationship with her to casual dating, no matter how appealing her other qualities are.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005): I agree with Bev's advice and would like to add my own thoughts. I know a lot of people like this and I find it rather sad. They commit hurtful acts or say offensive things but never express sorrow to the offended victim. Some people believe it to be a sign of weakness, some people come from families where they weren't taught to be gracious and to be accountable to others. Personally, I think it is only fitting that people sincerely express their sorrow for acting inappropriately.
Sometimes in relationships, couples say things that are minor and we can let it go but if your gf offends you blatantly, she's done the wrong thing and then apologizing is to refuse to do the right thing and will compound her offense and the hurt feelings in you. Some people have the notion that refusing to apologize is a sign of weakness but it's actually a sign of strength. After all, one who refuses to say they're sorry acts out of fear, but one who admits they were wrong and asks for forgiveness acts out of courage.
I would talk to her and express the feelings you experience when she's like this. It's just not being respectful. Ironically, our misconduct can act as a blessing in disguise, for it is an opportunity to awaken to our faults, express remorse, and change our ways. It is an opportunity for her to experience some spiritual growth. Remember, however, that this opportunity came about at the expense of your feelings, so she shouldn't forget the pain she inflicted and do everything in her power to eliminate it. Apologies, admitting a wrong and forgiveness, like love and trust, begin with a decision, so make a decision today to never take your loved ones for granted.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005): dear friendsin my opinion; you dont always have to say. if you dont make a mistake you dont need TO apolOgIze. when you argue, maybe your girlfriend can be aT fault. so i think, you should speak to your girlfriend and you should say to her mistake. this situation can't contiune all of the life. if i were you, first i WOULD spEAK tO her. if you CAN't cHANGE ANYTHING, YOU SHOULD SPLIT UPBYEEEE
...............................
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (8 December 2005):
 This is not meant to excuse your girlfriend's behaviour, but only to try to help you understand it.
People who can never admit that they're wrong have learnt somewhere along the way that being wrong is a weakness. They feel that if they admit to that weakness that they'll be attacked and that makes them feel vulnerable and frightened. Lying about their errors and making you feel responsible for everything that goes wrong is a reaction to that fear.
A lot of people come by this mindset by having a family member who berated them, or harped on their mistakes. It's a very hard "lesson" for them to un-learn.
If you stay with your girlfriend, you're going to have to accept that this is part of her personality that is very, very unlikely to change. As with most personality flaws, it won't change unless she decides herself that she's ready to correct it. But unlike most personality flaws, she will have to admit that what she's doing is wrong before she can see that she needs to fix it. But she won't admit that she's wrong. Catch-22.
With some problems between couples it's possible to address the matter with gentle good humour, by pointing it out in a loving way. This is not one of those problems. Pointing out to your girlfriend that her "I'm always right" attitude is ludicrous won't help her see it, simply because she's already on guard against having any faults.
You can weigh up her good traits in your mind, and see if - to you - they're more important than this personality flaw. Maybe they are. Maybe this is a smallish thing to you, that you can overlook because she's wonderful in other ways. Because she's not going to change and you WILL have to overlook it.
But my instinct is that this problem is going to continue to grate on your nerves until it blots out everything else.
If that happens, you need to be truthful with her and tell her that you can't be in a relationship with someone who can never admit any wrongdoing. Tell her that you're sorry about the fights, but you really feel that sometimes she's just as much to blame as you are. (She'll argue and tell you that you're wrong, believe me.) Then you may have to walk away and let her think about whether her being "right" 100% of the time is more important to her than being with you.
Remember, this is a very difficult trait for people to change. Consider in your mind if you're willing to live with it for the long term and if you're not -- you might as well not waste your time.
...............................
|
