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anonymous
writes: I really dont know how to stop hurting myself!I've been single for over a year now but every time I get close to someone I just end up hurting myself.I go with guys even though I know they're liars and cheaters. I end up falling for them and end up seriously hurting myself!I recently found out that the guy I've been seeing (and was hoping to start a relationship with) is a persistant cheat. All his frieds have warned me off him, but I can't stop myself from wanting him and wanting a steady relationship with him.But I know I'll get hurt again...What do I do??
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female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (9 December 2005):
I think perhaps the reason why you keep going out with guys who treat you badly and you mentioned in some of the times, if not most you knew they would treat you badly, is because you don't love yourself. If a person doesn't have alot of self respect and value, if they dont beleive they deserve the very best they can go for people they know arent that good because they think anyone who they would truly love and would make them happy ,they dont desereve and probably woudlnt like them back as they dont see themselves as good. Do you think you can relate to that in any way? if so, well all i can say is that no one deserves to be hurt, no1 and that includes you. everyone deserves happiness and you should aim for it! The other reason why maybe you end up like this could be due to fear that if you were to have a healhty and good relationship, if you were to open yourself up to someone truly love able and worth a serious relationship that you could get hurt (like the relationship ship ending for whatever reason) so therefor you are trying to protect yoruself from meeting someone worthy in order to save that pain for breaking up or being rejected by someone u truly love. If this is the case, then you have to remember that all great things in life, including love come with risk and effort. Nothing comes easy. You have to take a risk, the risk that you might get hurt. If you dont then you loose, you loose the chance of bieng with osmoene who might be right for you. But if you take the chance, sure you risk being heartbroekn yet you have so much you could GAIN and dont you think love is worth it?Or perhaps your judegment of people isnt very accurate? if thats the case, then dont rush into things. give yourself time to get to know them as a FRIEND and thats it. so many great relationships develop from friendships because since you both already know each other the chance of it working is high. Take the time to know the guy as a friend so you can see who he is. of course there is the chance he could change but if he does then you have to try and deal with it and remmeber that you are a good person and move on!I hope this has helped and good luck! take care
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005): You can't do anything. Sorry to burst your bubble. I used to date this girl but obviously not anymore because the chemistry was just really a bad mix! She was quick to temper, would completely misunderstand things, make small things big, was a big spender, wouldn't take good advice - eg: stop wearing those damn 3 inch heels if your lower back is killing you (!), and so on and so forth. Mind you, she was a great... Yeah...So what should you do? Like I said, you love that sort of thing. It's your ideal guy. Fun, yummy, and probably fast, but you probably want someone sweet, considerate, and patient at the same time. Wow, is that hard to find? [nods] 8] You are probably a much more independent women/girl than most other women/girls you've met. You know what you like, and will try to chase after it until you get them or get it. You love the thrill of the chase, and you love the excessive passion and heat of making love to such a man/boy. You love to fight (sub-consciously), and you love a good argument, because the making-up is awesome!Haha, I am pulling things out of my ass, yes, but I've date so many women/girls like that before I became tame(r). So what can you do? Who here can offer advice to such an inquiry. They may say try this and do that, but really in the end, you know what you are and are not capable of doing. If I said, "damn it girl, you need to stop hanging around clubs" - will you stop doing that? No.8]Okay okay... Really, I guess you'll need to be a bit more specific here - eg: how do you meet them, with who, how do you get to be friends/boyfriends with them?
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