A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a guy who I dated best friend of himI desire him so muchwe were just friend at the beginning but some emotional reactions started and he ran awayI am thinking it is because of his best friend that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with mebut that's ok I don't want a relationship1 night stand is also accepted but i don't know how to tell him that...help?
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (21 November 2009):
 Some men, and I have always been one of them, absolutely will not cross a friend to have ANY kind of sexual relationship with the friend's woman, as long as the friend is still involved with her. For instance, I would never mess with a friend's wife, although some of the women have tempted me.
It's a matter of honor among men. On the other hand, some guys are not at all so honorable or honest. It sound as if the guy you are interested in is an honorable man, and probably the only way to "get him" would be to conclude the relationship with his friend. This might even take some time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey I dont want to be cheered up or i am not asking how to forget himI am asking advices how to get himthanks
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): Well, I must first say that you should make sure you are comfortable with something of this nature before you move any further...once it is done, it is done. Second, you may want to consider how valuable this friendship is with him. Once a friendship escalates to a sexual relationship, it is likely that things will become awkward...it may even be the end of the relationship in time. Third, you stated that you dated his best friend. This, in itself, should cause you to stop and ask yourself a few questions. If those two are really great friends, it is unlikely he will trade a life long friendship for a one night stand. Personally, I would never betray my friend like that. Are there ulterior motives behind this desire of yours, such as payback to the ex-boyfriend? Anyways, back to the core of the question. If you are still very interested in this individual, perhaps you should ask him to go out on a date and then just ask him to come over to your place after. If he actually consented to going out with you, then it might be that he is not worried about it interfering with his other friendship. Should he decide that he doesn't want to go out, you can most certainly be sure that he would not be interested in a one night stand.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2009): He may be hurt that you dated his best friend. Something like that leaves a person feeling very insecure. A one night stand may be something he doesn't want. The only thing you can do is talk to him, tell him you like him but you don't want a relationship and if he feels the same then great. But if he doesn't want that then I'm afraid you can't do much.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (20 November 2009):
 one night stand is not okay, never is! One night stands are degrading and lower your self worth, especially as you believe you are in love with him.
Far better to try to develop a little more than a passing friendship with him, maybe you showed your emotions too early before. Just build a friend ship first, when you meet or are in a group, just try to strike up conversation, ask him questions, show him you are interested in him as a person first, he may not be interested in a relationship, this could be for many reasons, but maybe for him the chemistry is just not there!
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