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male
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anonymous
writes: Yesterday I found a dating website on my girlfriend of 3+ year's browser history that she has been going to that she said she stopped frequenting after our first year together. I clicked on it and she was still signed in. Curious, I just clicked on the Mail icon, but had no plans of reading her messages. She had an invite from some other website regarding a screenname she created. I didn't say anything about the screen name but asked her why she was still going to the site. She got defensive and said I was invading her privacy and why couldn't I trust her and now things won't be the same because I showed her a different side of me by "snooping." However, when I get home last night I did a search on the screenname I saw. One website comes up, where she has a profile for the name. I click on it, and it's a personal for a woman seeking a man or woman for a discreet sexual encounter! WTF! I'm so pissed and hurt right now. She last logged into it back in September, but I can only assume she followed through with any responses since the profile's creation in January of this year. I haven't spoken to her yet, and I don't know what to say when I do. Do I confront her about it? Not say anything? It's a strange situation. It's like I have proof without proof. Has anyone been in a similar situation? This is just too surreal, and very mindnumbing. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, boogie4  +, writes (27 August 2010):
this is a tough one here. but i agree with the others, if she's shifting the blame to you because of the snooping, she's definitely trying to rationalize it.
same thing has happened to me. at the end of the day, you have to be open and discuss, plus be ready to hear things you really don't want to hear.
most likely, its over and she's trying to lessen things a little at a time. but if you two can do counseling and be open and honest, there's no reason either should have to go online to find anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2005): Yes, you most definitely confront her! You are the other half of this relationship and you have a right to know 'what' is going on in your relationship with this woman. Those dating profiles should have been deactivated...long before the first year of dating was up, hun. You've been in a committed relationship with this woman for 3 years. She claims to have stopped going into dating sites one year after you started dating. And then you now have discovered she's playing around again..on these sites. Sorry to say this, but your gf's behaviours has blinking neon warning signs all over her. People are better read by their actions, in my opinion not by what they say. Your gf is doing an interesting piece of work on you, here. She got caught and then she tried to shift the blame back on you. Sorry hun, but she seems to have proven she isn't the sort of woman who will cherish, honor, and love you forever. My advice is-there is no turning back so you either dump her or ....unless you want to be in a relationship where the trust is shattered, or you can swallow your pride and keep her. It's you call..I wish you luck! Take care and be strong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2005): Yup. I found my boyfriend was visiting these dating sites the same way you did. In his case though he never followed through on any invites. I told him to stop! Snooping is not snooping when there is cheating going on. You have the proof. I was very brutal and showed him the sites and profiles I found. In my case I believe him. However if you don't believe your girlfriend and want to continue the relationship go to therapy or leave.
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