A
male
age
36-40,
*onystarkben
writes:My girlfriend of 6 months went to some bars last night with her best friend and some other friends and I didn't go as I had a law exam today. She messaged me at about 10pm and said she was ok and told her I was going to bed. I woke up and shed sent me a message to say she was home safe. She called me on my break today and said not to be mad but she didn't go home, she ended up getting drunk and sleeping on the couch of a male friend. I asked what about her best friend as they went out together and she said she left to go home without her and she fell asleep on the couch.She said nothing happened but she wanted me to know. I know the guy and he's an ok guy but I know in the past he has tried it on with her. I am upset and I hung up on her. She came over on the bus after work to see me and i told her to leave. She said i should trust her and i said i could not as she lied. I asked her if the guy she stayed with would cause some problems and tell / me people that something happened and she said no, as it didn't. She said if he did he is lying.I told her to leave and she went and was upset. I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 As others pointed out, the story doesn't add up. Did you re-tell it wrong or how did she go from going home to going to another guys home?
There are such things as cabs, you pay them, they take you home. There are such things as hotels, you pay them, you sleep at them. There are such things as same sex friends, you eh... buy them beer and you can crash at their place.
If what you write here is what she told you, she is lying her ass off and isn't even any good at it. I hope you just retold it wrong because being lied to happens but at least people should put in some effort. Usually when people first lie and then tell something else that also doesn't sound right, they are trying to clear their conscience. If nothing happened, why didn't she says so straight away? Why the first lie?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): I'm going to have to agree with Cerberus, this doesn't add up.
Why would she text you to say that she was home safe when she wasn't? Why then feel the need to confess that she spent the night at another man's place?
All I can think of is that she did sonething that ahe shouldn't have done and then realised how easily you would find out. Maybe her friend would mention that she left her enjoying herself. Maybe the man whose place she stayed at would say something etc. Again the comment about the bloke lying if he said something happened doesn't add up either.
The situation has a bad smell to it. It's hard to trust someone who lies to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): "she said she left to go home without her and she fell asleep on the couch." That makes no sense to me at all. How do you leave to go home with someone and then fall asleep on a couch? If she was coherent enough to be up and about getting ready to go and coherent enough to send you a message telling you she went home, then it's quite strange that she'd suddenly collapse on the couch, or that her friends wouldn't tell her to get up and get in the cab as she seemed to want to go home.
I don't believe that turn of events at all. If she was my friend in that situation that was awake a second ago wanting to go home, I'd wake her up again and get her moving. if she was too drunk to get up at that the time then there is no chance she would have been sober enough to even see her phone nevermind write a text.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): I'd move on in your situation.
Here are the facts.
1. She lied about being at home, why oh why would she say that if she fell asleep on the couch? Is she a sleep texter? The fact she did so before she supposedly fell asleep or even after is a huge lie.
2. She then realizes how easily her lie will be figured out so she decides to cover her ass with a half truth. I mean the most effective kind of lie is one that most closely resembles the truth.
3. She just stayed overnight, really drunk at the home of a guy who is known to like her, not only that but when her friends went home and she had a chance to go too she stayed on instead.
If I were you I'd take note of the time she sent that text, did she send it last night? This morning? You see if it was last night then what innocent reason is there for a girlfriend to lie about where she was staying that night?
She's covered her ass twice here OP, and I don't believe her cover story for a second.
My girlfriend would never do that and she has fallen asleep on couches in friends places plenty of times, she would never lie to me about it and then change her story the next day.
Your girl thought drunkenly that lying about where she was would work, then when she woke up this morning she knew you'd find out from someone else where she was so she got her cover story in early.
Regardless of anything happening, that is such a huge lie, how can you trust her after that? You never know if she's telling the truth anymore when she's out and texts you.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 has she ever lied to you before?
did you know this guy before hand?
see i'm torn.
I think she's telling the truth.
if you don't believe her, then you have no choice but to end it with her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): So, she expects you to trust her despite the fact that she lied to you? Interesting...
Yes, there should be trust in a relationship but it is earned as well as given. I would not have a problem with my gf staying overnight on a male friend's couch IF she was up front about it. I would have a problem if she said she was at home when she was really at some guy's place AND he was someone who has tried it on with her before. There are boundaries of respect as well as trust.
I would move on and find someone else, sorry.
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A
female
reader, Buzzi  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 i don't tink she is lying to you.....maybe she told you the initial one so u won't think much about her and then she dcided to tell u the truth face to face......jst forgive her atleast she came around to talk to u and don't start digging if not u end up hurting urself.......
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A
female
reader, NaeNae  +, writes (5 December 2012):
the anonymous male reader has an interesting point but at the end of the day, we cant know for sure what really happened so i still insist to talk to her about it and if you do decide to continue this relationship or even pursue another in future, please talk about each others feelings on certain boundaries, because even if she is telling the truth that type of behaviour is inappropriate for people in a relationship, and persons in a relationship need to understand each others feelings towards boundaries and respect for the other party. again best of luck
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): i think she's lying to you. what tipped me off is the fact that she said "if he does tell you something happened, he's lying." if nothing happened, she wouldn't even think to say that. i think she got drunk, went home with this guy, in her drunken state texted you saying she made it home because she wasn't thinking clearly and wasn't feeling guilty about lying at the time, and then hooked up with this guy. then the next day, when they woke up, this guy prob admitted to having feelings or threatened to tell you. so she decided to "come clean" and let you know. i think you're doing the right thing by not believing her. i think she only "felt bad" about lying and admitted it happened, because she was afraid of getting caught. otherwise, i doubt she would have said a word. good luck, man.
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A
female
reader, NaeNae +, writes (5 December 2012):
Maybe you are overreacting, she just might be telling the truth, i am no physic but she could have not mention anything to you but she did, but two major things downfalls in this relationsihp, you seriously sound like you dont trust her and you seriously have a communication problem, two very very very important this for a strong relationship, if you dont have trust, waste of time for both of you, if you cannot communicate effectively detrimental. So please sit down with her and have a conversation, dont get too hasty, dont start shouting or get abusive and all that, simply ask her to listen tell her your concerns how you feel, etc, listen what she has to say and try to work things out as adults,dont accuse each other, you may be still a bit young but you both are intelligent people im sure,dont go to attack this other guy either whether physically or verbally, no one has to konw you guys issues which is another unhealthy thing for relationships, its been six months try to build a good foundation if you really want this relationship, so best of luck hope i helped let me know what happens.
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