A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:okay so I have this friend I'm going to call her Anna. she has always been really desperate and boy crazy even in the third grade she brags that she tongue kissed a 8th grader. she was one of those girls who made everybody uncomfortable at slumber parties because she was always talking about boys you were way older way more popular and then she would sit in the corner and cry during gym class because everybody made fun of her.. our other friend, I will call her Rhonda do this, always felt sorry for her and said that because everybody thought she was ugly and she kind of was, she like to get attention from boys who lied and said she was pretty. when really it was just because they wanted to make out with her.we both tried really hard to make her pretty. Ronda was never really pretty anyway but at least I tried. Ronda never wore makeup and she always wore basketball shorts and a t-shirt or boys pants and a sweater and she never talked about boys and you had to force her to explain who she thought was cute and was always some really ugly guy.but anna is the biggest problem because even in junior high we would go out to the mall and she would ruin it because she would walk up to random guys and start flirting really bad and she would always tell them she wasn't allowed to have a cell phone until I called her on her lie and then she went and bought a fake cell phone that she never told her parents about. her parents still have not found out and she only uses that to talk to the guys. she has them in her phone like "Jacob the farmer" or "cody with blonde hair". she makes up all kinds of stories about herself saying that she comes from a rich family and she's bored with traveling all over the world or that she knows all these famous people and she kind of does because her dad is a truck driver and sometimes he takes her with him and he is also in a Christian biker group so she has met famous Christian band people.so obviously, she needs a boyfriend. but Ronda and I tried setting her up with a boyfriend so she would stop flirting so much and shut up about how cute guys are but she basically cheats on them because she still flirts all the time. Rhonda will call her out on her stuff by interrupting her when she talks to a boy and says hey look hows your boyfriend? usually that makes the guy go away but Anna always finds a way to talk yourself out of it and then he gets mad at me and so every boyfriend she had dumped her because she flirts and she says she doesn't want a boyfriend because she misses her freedom. she keeps complaining about how guys won't leave her alone and how they keep trying to talk to her and her only. she even has places she won't go to in case she runs into one of them. Rhonda said that some of the things the guys say on her phone are scary and stalker like. there was this one guy, I got a hold of her phone, and I told him where she really went to school and she freaked out because he was waiting for her and he got really mad when he saw her flirting with another guy so you just walked away after he went off on her. she ended up being really embarresed and she start crying it was scarier than I thought it would be the really I was just trying to teach her a lesson.school security escorted him off the property but she still never learned her lesson because she kept flirting anyway. this is why Ronda and I hate hanging out with her because she always talks to boys. she doesn't get that she needs a boyfriend so she will settle down already and maybe just flirt with her boyfriend. But like I said, she cheats because she keeps talking about other boys and everybody knows flirting is cheating. I have had boyfriends too and I'm looking for one but none of them are good enough because they always try to kiss me and I don't want that. I'm a Christian I don't kiss until marriage both of them got reported to my pastor or the youth group leader.Ronda is just as bad but the opposite. we always have to put makeup on her and get her to dress like a girl because she hangs around boys all the time and she ll even play tag football with them but that's her version of flirting. when we go out in public she wont even to look guys in the eye unless she's really rude to them and then I have to make her apologize because she doesn't get that she's trying them away. she needs a boyfriend too because there's rumors that she's a lesbian even though she denies it. I told her I would tell her parents she like girls instead and she begged me not to because they would ground her but she still won't even flirt with boys.what do I haveto do to get an Anna to realize she needs a good boyfriend so she will stop flirting so much? even people on Youth group are put off by it and our leader keep counseling her to stop being so aggressive with boys but she doesn't listen. are youth group leader is not that concerned about Rhonda but she is always getting talked to about how she should act more girly. I think I can solve that problem by telling her parents she's a lesbian but I would hate to do that to her because they hardly let her go anywhere as it is.
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female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (17 February 2016):
Hey there,Have you read the book 'Emma'? Please do not meddle in your friends' lives. Firstly regarding Ronda. Telling her parents that she is a lesbian is most probably, for one, a lie, and second, even if it might be true, it doesn't give you the right to say that to her parents. That is very disrespectful to the friendship that you two share. Why would you threaten your friend like that? Do you really understand what the word 'friendship' means? You will certainly need some maturing to understand that.Even for Anna, do not force her to do things that she doesn't want to. Telling the guy where she studied/lived was a gross invasion of her privacy, and as you saw, could even have been dangerous. Just let her be. If her behaviour is detrimental to her health or life, then you should tell her something. Otherwise let her live her life. Gossipping about your friend to someone else is certainly not beneficial for anyone involved and doesn't bode well for the friendship.I know that at this age boys seem very important, but there is a lot more to life than just romantic pursuits. Pay attention to your studies and make sure that you and all your friends are not doing anything irresponsible in your lives.All the best.
A
female
reader, Berry-boo  +, writes (16 February 2016):
Well its seems Anna is insecure. You could get the three of you together in one of your houses or somewhere local and talk to them about how you feel about this situation. Say to Anna that she needs to stop this behaviour towards boys or something bad may happen to her in the future for example she may get bullied. Tell her that she needs to wait for a guy to come to her and she will ind someone who loves her for who she is one day. Tell Anna about how other people feel uncomfortable around her. Say to her that she needs to change and get good grades and concentrate with her education instead of worrying about boys.With Ronda, don't make threats that you are going to tell her parents because that isn't a good way to have a friendship. Tell her there is nothing wrong with being a lesbian.YOU can't tell your friends how to dress or act. Tell both of them you are there for them and they can talk to you about anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): First of all, Ronda's main problem is that her youth group leaders and her friend are trying to tell her to be something she is not. It is possible that she's a lesbian, but it's also possible that she's a future veterinarian and enjoys watching vintage movies. Right now, it would be terrible for her if her parents thought that about her because obviously they don't approve and they would make her life very difficult.Threatening to "out" her for not cooperating and going after guys doesn't make any sense. Maybe she avoids eye contact and does not dressed feminly because she does not want to be objectified the way Anna and many girls in your social group are. More then likely, Ronda is just a tomboy and currently not interested or ready to date. Just leave her alone!Anna is somebody I am concerned about too, and I think Rhonda hit the nail on the head when she said Anna likes attention from lots of guys. Anna does sound like she's doing this purely for the attention and maybe some validation since she gets picked on in school. Ronda also is right to be worried if some of the things those guys say are stalker like. I shouldn't tell you how cruel it was to tell the guy to meet her outside school, but I'm glad it was not public place because his reaction was fighting.Anna is definitely putting herself in danger especially she feels better places you cannot go for fear that she will run into them! She is lying about her personal life, using fake names and keeping the guys away from each other because all that gives her a false sense of security. She is confident she will only see the guys on her terms. The hidden telephone is definitely something her parents need to know because clearly they would not approve of her talking to these guys the way she is because it is unsafe!I would try the kind approach, and I would have Ronda with you to back you up since she's a little more straightforward. You can say something like, "Anna, we are worried about your safety. these boys might not have information on where to find you but that does not mean they won't run into you and confront you when they catch you in a lie. If you feel like you have to make things up when you talk to them, and hide a cell phone from your parents, maybe it would be safer to flirt with guys you know. Because we are worried about the cell phone and your safety, we would feel better if your parents knew about it and we're willing to sit with you when you come clean to them." that's all you have to say, she will be forced to come clean but she'll be the one to do it and they can take it from there. You don't have to say anything about how annoying you think it is that she flirt so much. Her parents can let her know that her behavior is misleading to guys and is putting her in potentially dangerous situations. as for you, many guys probably feel misled when you won't even let them kiss you and they may be wondering about your sexual orientation too. how would you feel if somebody spread rumors that you were gay because you wouldn't kiss guys? most people would probably wonder why you were even dating in the first place! to me, it looks like you're looking for a best male friend without anything physical. well there's nothing wrong with that, it's not very popular today and you will have a hard time and you will be dumped by most boys. I'm also willing to bet that you consider those guys cheaters if they so much as talk to another girl. well you have the right to those feelings, but how would you feel if your friends kept pressuring you to loosen up? or they purposely put you in situations where you were alone with a guy and he kept trying to kiss you or more and you had no way of leaving or calling for help? that would be scary, right? that would be uncalled for, right? that is probably how your friends feel.
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