A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I broke up the other night.She says she does still love me, and her feelings for me have not changed at all. She has a very serious medical condition, and at the minute she is very ill. She does not have the energy for a relationship at the moment, and needs to concentrate on herself for a while and get better.She has asked me to try and move on, so that she can try not to think about me or relationships, as she just needs to think of herself right now. But I have loved her for 5 and a half years, and she the same, and I know that it will not change.I really hope that when she is ready for a relationship we can be back together again. She says she will just have to see if she still feels the same way when she is better. In the mean time, I have to wory that she is out meeting other guys, and falling out of love with me.I love her so much, I have loved her for 5 and a half years, and I know it won't change. What can I do? I hate the thought of her with someone else. I just hope she can be better soon and come back to me.
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female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (3 August 2008):
 What you should try to worry right now is about her and her health. Take care of her. Be there for her, even when you two aren't together. Your ex needs suppor for her health condition and the reason why she ended things with you is that she may not want to see you suffer.
That's the reason why she may say she needs to concentrate on herself, because if she sees you suffering, she will suffer even more and feel responsible. But what she needs is support, care, and love from the people she knows. If she doesn't want you to get involved, talk to her family to let them know you how you can help in any way. Tell them that you love her and want to help her as much as possible. Be honest with them.
Now, why would you worry that she'll go out with someone else when you said yourself that she's really sick? Sorry, but that sounds just selfish to me. You worry about her going for someone else, but you don't mention any worries about what impact her illness will leave on her. Or if she's going to get better at all.
But what she said is also troubling, because it's just such a negative to say and what I think makes you feel she'll run with someone else. It can be three things: she said it because she meant it. She said so you would give up and go with someone else and she will see you not worried about her, or it's all in your head and you added words of what she said. Either way, you have to accept her wishes and hope for the best, for both her health and your relationship.
My guess is that she's just really scared of what's happening to her and didn't know how to handle it otherwise. I can't stop repeating it, but just be for her.
Be patien. Help her get trough this. And wait. Good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): Well, if at the moment she does not have the energy for a relationship, and since you must know her pretty well since you have been together five years, why don't you do her the most good you could? Right now, she has needs that she cannot fulfil by herself, let alone think about the needs of someone else (you) So if you want her close, act selflessly, and try to still give her what she really needs, without asking nor implying anything back from her. If she feels you are truly there for her without her needing to think about you, then when she gets better, she'll know who was really there for her when she needed it the most! But I do stress not to expect instant gratitude, since she is so ill, and also don't do too much: just what she really needs and what pleases her truly. Too much attention can be exhausting too!
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