A
male
age
41-50,
*aralyzed
writes:Written here before many times. My gf has broken up with me many times. We keep getting back togethre. During the last break up, which lasted a month, I met new friends thorugh some old friends. When my gf and I are together she is very jealous. I am not allowed to have female friends. During the last break up, I made plans to go skiing for a weekend with these friends. My gf and I are now back together again and I have mentioned that I planned on going skiing. I didn't let her know there would be other girls. She suspects there will be at this point and has flat out told me she didn't want me going if other girls were going to be there. So obviously I have a decision to make. If I keep the commitment I made to my friends, my gf will break up with me. That is a guarantee. If I cancel on my friends, they will probably not invite me anywhere again. I have asked my gf to join me on the getaway but she can't as she has prior commitments as well. I hate being in a situation where i have to give up friends I have made. The truth is my gf will probably end the relationship again in the future for another reason, and I will be left without a freind in the world. I have never given my gf a reason to not trust me. She is just too insecure, and I don't know how to fix that other than never have a female friend as long as we are together. I really want to go skiing, but I don't want to have to lose the woman I love in the process. Any advice or suggestions.
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (28 January 2009):
 Read what you have wrote and think if you were me how would you reply.
You have said that she will probably break up with you once again anyhow so my advice on this occasion is to go with your friends and live with any consequence.
Your partner is important as are your friends and sounds to me like you dont see a future beyond today for you and your girlfriend so im sorry it is clear that you need to go ski and enjoy yourself because soon you may need your friends shoulders to cry on even if you give in to her and stay home.
Im a jealouse person so can relate to what your girlfriend is going through and maybe if your relationship was not so rocky I would be advising differently but it is and im not so go and have fun!!
A
female
reader, love850  +, writes (28 January 2009):
I think your girlfriend is acting real childish and insecure. If you have never gave her a reason to doubt you than she needs to start acting a little bit more mature. Maybe you need to sit down with her and tell her how you feel with her acting like this. Tell her how you love her and all but how you should still be able to have a social life with your friends as well. Ask her how does she expect to have a future with you when she is acting petty and ignorant about a situation like this. Because believe me if it was her in the same situation she would be upset with you for not trusting her not to do anything!! I would go on the trip if I were you. She might get mad but she'll get over it. ~Good Luck~
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (28 January 2009):
i think you know the answer. im sure ive answered one of your posts before.. you seem lke a geunine guy for being so considerate but sometimes you can be pushed that little too far. she has you wrapped around her finger, what she says goes and this is not a healthy relationship to be in, you need a balance and from what ive read thats one of the main things you (both) lack in the relationship.
its normal for you to want to do your thing with your mates its not up to her to decide that for you. Insecure is a good word to describe her but the way you handle it is a different matter. youve realised how shes feeling but not why. Without trust your not going very far and already you predict a bleak future.
What you have with this girl is not going anywhere. go skiing i think it would work to your advantage- some time away can not only help ease your mind but will help the situation overall, maybe after some distance things will clear slightly?
Be good to her though, its understandable that you dont want to keep defending yourself for nothing but she needs constant reassurance. so be firm but fair, tell her that you need this break in order for you both to progress to a future, wihtout it you see no way forward. Youve given her options but what about yourself? The up and down cycle you are in will carry on, as you say, so why not get away and get your head sorted so you can look at the relationship differently and come back with a different outlook. I think its something you both need. you need to look at the relationship closely its failing and your wathing it carry on time and time again, do you want this still in 5 years time? Unless a change is made i think this will be ongoing and from what youve said it seems shes has no intention of 'changing' anything soon. If your unhappy then theres problems. If you have no trust your not going to go far together.
A fresh start is what you need, whether it be together or apart Best of luck -
If you do go, enjoy your holiday! i think you deserve it! a guys mind is nver usally focused on how the other is feeling, very considerate and i think time apart she will realise it for what you really are and what you both have/can have.
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A
male
reader, Paralyzed +, writes (28 January 2009):
Paralyzed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is going to be a group of people. Guys and girls. In fact the first person I invited was a guy that I work with. We will all be staying in the one house for the weekend.
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (28 January 2009):
 If you were going skiing with ~A~ girl or even a group of girls and you, then she would have a valid point. But if this is a group of people, men and women both, and you are just one of many than she is being ridiculous and childish. There is no way you can live your life without ever encountering another woman! What if it were a group of only guys going? Well, guess what! There STILL would be other women at the resort! You STILL could meet, talk to and (omg!) hook up with someone if that was your true desire. She has been invited along, but cannot make it due to a prior commitment. Well, this was a prior commitment of yours and there is no reason you should not attend the outing.
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