A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a 11 year relationship. The first few years were good. She treated me with love and was really nice and kind to me. Fast forward 10 years, and she started taking me for granted, cursed my parents, treated everyone i knew badly. On one argument, she told me that i was supposed to start a family and will not be allowed to spend time with friends. After countless arguments, I asked for a breakoff, but she didn't agree. We argued a lot, and we were not happy.I met this other girl in the company, which worked in another building. At the time we met, she had just broken off with her boyfriend. We went out a couple of times, and something developed. We ended up sleeping with each other and was happy for almost 3-4 months. But all this while, she knows I am attached. And that I didn't manage to call it off. 4 months later, she falls in love with this other guy in her office. She starts finding fault with everything i do and say. We started arguing like 2 weeks ago, because she spent the whole saturday going out with the other guy and insisted that i allowed her to have freedom. I agreed. She went out again with him this saturday. And when she got back, she told me that she wanted to be with him. I guess this is all karma. Do that to others, and expect that to be done back to you. She cried once, cos she was afraid to hurt me. She told me once before, that if she ended up with me, she would be the most fortunate girl in the world, but not the happiest. With the other guy, she wont be fortunate, cos he doesn't treat her as well, but she would be the happiest. She is meeting me for dinner tomorrow. And she is giving me her decision. She will tell me, if she still wants me in her life tomorrow. Somehow, I am not optimistic of the results. I guess, what i really need advice in, is why am i so useless that i cannot end a shattered relationship, why is it so difficult for me to hurt my gf, why does she look for someone else when she is with me, why do i love her yet let her go, why did the guy know we were together from the start yet go after her, and most importantly, what should i do, when she tells me tomorrow, that i am no longer needed in her life.Sigh.
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 First off you are not useless, I think you just lack a bit of backbone. I don't agree with the whole cheating on your wife thing but I know desparate people do desparate things and in your case you are desparate to be happy. My advice is this. Forget about the office girl she isn't so concerned about your feelings so don't waste your time on hers and don't try to analyse the other guy cause you'll die trying to figure that one out. Once you've got all that out of your system then you need to focus on yourself!
Somewhere along the path of life you have gotten the message that you are not worthy of respect or happiness and because of that you allow others to walk all over you including your wife. I really urge you to go to counselling to try and build your self esteem in this area.
Finally you must must must find the courage to get out of your marriage. There is no point staying in this relationship. The minute there is disrespect in a marriage it erodes the foundations. Make a date to end this. Mark it on your calendar and stick to it. You don't have to make it a long drawn out process. Simply announce that you feel unloved and direspected in this marriage and that you are leaving. Then simply walk out. Don't hang around for an argument. Crash at a friends place if need be or get that all sorted before you make the announcement. But you HAVE to get out!!
Good luck my friend stand strong. Make a decision to be there for yourself today!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): If your wife was that bad of a wife,then why did you stay as long as you did? Are you just using that as an excuse to have cheated on your wife? You are asking why does you gf look for other guys when she has you...she doesn't have you, that's the thing. You are married, you are taken, you are accounted for..you are NOT single, thus you should not be carrying on as if you are. You will never have a decent relationship when you act out in this manner---I wonder how your wife feels.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): You made a commitment to this woman by marrying her, for better or worse. Now you must follow through and try to make it work, whether it's better communication of how you feel or couples therapy. She is still the woman you married so try to get back to the way you two were together before all this started. Is she going through depression? It doesn't sound like you've done anything to help your situation here.
If that doesn't work, put your cards on the table - tell her you just can't keep at this and you would like a separation. If she won't leave YOU will. If she flat out refuses I guess you could always bring the affair up, but as they say it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.
Then you're free to run around with whatever woman you fancy. But seriously, don't get into this mess again, and don't give it the opportunity to come up. That girl you're dating was most likely on the rebound. And as for a girl who knows you're married and still wants to sleep with you? Well, not the best idea to invest your trust in her in the long term. Women like being number one you know.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): You deserve to be treated like that, your doing the same to her.
Karma!! Gutted
...............................
|
