A
female
age
26-29,
*hescute
writes:Hi agony aunts, I've been with my girlfriend for almost 6 months which I know isn't a long time, but she's been my best friend for 4 years. We decided to start dating because, we've always sort of been in love with each other. But, she's in the closet and I'm not. At school, she's out, but with her parents/family- no way. Which I understand, and would never try to make her do what she didn't want to. But her dad has a suspicion that she likes girls and that we're dating, and he yells at her about it even though she denies. He makes her feel unsafe and last night she told me we couldn't hang out for a long while because he thinks it's weird. Homecoming is coming up and we had planned to go together (she got a fake date) but now she doesn't even want to go out of fear for her father and so I'm planning on asking a couple friends to go, but if the same thing happens come Prom- I'm gonna want a date, you know? Should I disregard what's going on and have fun at Homecoming/Prom, and suffer through this with her? Or will I be suffering for too long? She says she doesn't know when she would come out, not until after college maybe, and she's planning on going to law school. That's over 4 years. But I love her, and even talking about breaking up makes me feel empty. Should I try to stick it out even though it hurts? Or cut it off and try to remain friends and suffer alone? I'm just really confused. Thank you.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 September 2015):
 She isn't ready (nor able) to come out safely. Nothing you can do will change that. She feels SHE can't even change that.
You will have to accept that she is limited in what she can do and what she can give. (as far as relationships goes). It might not BE enough for you, and then aren't you better off dating someone who CAN and WANT to be with you?
I would give her some space, but I would also look at this realistically. You WANT to go to prom with a date, she CAN'T go to prom with a female date. So for now.. you are not compatible in certain areas.
IF you can stay friends and support each other, it will still hurt (both of you) but since you go to school together a clean break isn't really possible (I presume) neither, is dating the way you want to date.
I know that might not be what you want to hear, but as I see it you don't really have much of a choice. (neither does she).
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2015): considering you are both so young you are being rather demanding especially as she has told you how things are at home.You cantclick yourfingers to change everything so you should try to tone down your exuberance and respect her situation a bit more, especially as youve been friends for years.Allow her to handle her own affairs...as she has the right to bethe person she wants to be.
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