A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I am really frustrated and stuck. My gf and I have been together about 5yrs. When we got together she was unemployed, I was studying. We have not lived together since after 2yrs due to money I could not afford having her. (she was very good, never asked for money, was very considerate and just sweet). I planned for us to build a career and move in as money builds.Its now been 5 yrs and she finds herself doing cleaning jobs (part time). In the last 5 years I have gotten 3/4 promotions and landed myself a good pay. So i am trying to build it up so we can put down a contract to buy a house within a year.Although I would like to move in, she does not know this. Over time she is becoming annoying, texting me everyday with problems, her weight has increased by 4 stones, she has barely any friends, eats and watches tv and works. If I go out to eat, she tells me off that i am wasting my money. so i secretly spend my money (because i find i earn more so i should treat myself). We used to meet weekly, I would wine and dine, but I have recently stopped this due to amount of money i waste. So my question is....I do not have any other female on my mind, I love her, but not only does she not look after herself, she doesnt seem to care about anything other than how and when we are living together.if i tell her, i feel like she will be relaxed. so i dont want to,although i am expecting no money from her. i will provide. but at least she should be doing something. i.e maintaining her health.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (29 April 2018):
 Honestly?
If you want to buy a house buy it for you, have it in YOUR name only. IF she is NOT contributing financially it's NOT her house. Doesn't matter how long you have been together. You are NOT married.
You say you love her, but all you really do (in your post) is point out all the things you DO NOT ) like about her. Like, not having a full-time job, no ambitions, gaining weight, not taking care of herself and not being interested in anything besides living together with you.
So WHAT do you really LOVE about her? That fact that you two have stuck it out for 5 years?
Why will you provide for her? She is your GF, she doesn't put ANY effort into ANYTHING in life.
Can you imagine having children with this woman? Do you think she would take care of the kids and house? Or do you think when it came down to it, she would expect YOU to also do that AS WELL as bring in the bacon?
I honestly think you need to take a good hard look at this woman as your long term partner. And the relationship overall.
A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (29 April 2018):
 Is she behaving in any way different from when you first started dating? Because you are finding her behaviour annoying now - and you haven't even started living together - it will only get worse when you move in together. You had better start having some open and honest conversations before you make any long term commitments to each other. Especially as you're both already judging one another, and you're keeping secrets. Think long and hard about what you want from life, and then start talking.
Take care xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2018): ". . . so WE can put down a contract to buy a house . . ."
Are you kidding??!! When you finally wise up and dump her you'll be on the hook for thousands of dollars that she'll likely demand as "her share" of a house into which she put no money.
I suspect her attitude is in part because she begrudges your ability to treat yourself while she can't because she's too lazy to get off her fat ass to improve her lot in life. If you are foolish enough to shack up with her then she will make your life miserable on a daily basis.
Retain your freedom and your ability to enjoy the fruits of your hard work. You've earned it; she hasn't and is unlikely to ever do so. She'll only get older, fatter and more annoying as time goes on. Get rid of her and find somebody compatible who shares your values and goals and can enjoy herself without guilting you.
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