A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I recently moved in with my girlfriend. we have been dating off and on for 3 years. about six months ago she told me that she no longer had feelings for me in more than a friend way anymore. at that point i told her that i didnt want to see her anymore because it devastated me and that i would contact her if or when i was ready. a few months ago i decided to get up and move out of state with my friend since i just graduated college and i wanted to get out and explore life. she found out that i was moving away and freaked out. she called me crying telling me that she could not lose me and is willing to quit her job and leave everything behind to be with me. We met up and we had sex and started dating again. I knew that it would be way harder for her to give up everything and move with me since she has a 3 year old and no education. so we discussed it and we decided to compromise and move to another state, it is twice as close to our hometown as the one i was planning on going to and she has family that can help out and a chance for a promotion out there, and i am confident that i can find a job out there as well. we made the move a month ago, and everything was great, but recently she has been very short with me, doesnt want to be around me as much, doesnt show affection, gets upset over little things, is being very selfish, and doesnt seem to care like she used to. I have been very unhappy, and the other day we talked and she said that she is no longer feeling the feelings she did for me at first. she says she tries every day to find out why, and spends hours thinking about what makes her feel this way and what she can do to get that feeling back. we talked and she said she wants to be with me so bad but she just doesnt have that emotion that she used to and its killing her. she said some days she is happy but most days she isnt. she knows i treat her great and am always there for her and that i put a lot of thought and effort and take great care of her and get along well with her family and child. she wants the feeling she had before with me so bad, but she just doesnt feel it. i decided last night i would go back to my hometown and i told her that we shouldnt communcate at all in any way until i come back out to visit her one more time which is about 10-14 days away. she isnt sure what that is going to do and i told her we talk every day and maybe if we dont communcate for that long and we see each other maybe the feelings will come back because she will realize what she lost and miss it. it was a very emotional talk and then we kissed goodbye. literally 20 minutes later she text me saying that she loved me (i didnt specify before but we both love each other and say it to each other all the time so this isnt a big deal). I didnt respond because we had an agreement not to talk at all till i visit again. She then texts me again an hour later saying have a safe drive, and again an hour after that for me to text her when i get home. It is now the first day without talking at all and already she broke the rule 3 times! i desperately want to respond but i feel that would defeat the whole purpose of her trying to live without any contact with me and realize what she had with me. am i doing the right thing? is there hope? is there any chance that when i come back in 10-14 days she is going to have that feeling again? any advice would be greatly appreciated. i know this is a very long question, but i feel this girl is the love of my life and i want to do anything i can to make this work so i am being very detailed.
View related questions:
moved in, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): Could be she didnt really understand what you meant by "no contact" maybe she thought that'd start after you arrived home?
Anyway, this is tough, but she needs to figure out things. I can only wish you the best of luck and know that you gave it your all, but it's up to her now.
A
female
reader, mtv.1985  +, writes (28 November 2009):
this will become an endless game. you need to move away, or at least move on. she loves you, but she is not in love with you. the spark is gone, continuing to see her will just break your heart. i tried to do this with someone for 6 months. disaster.
...............................
A
male
reader, Miguel-Montana +, writes (28 November 2009):
 this seems like a really good thing to do cuz shes gona miss all the things u do for her and not take them for granted but how long the feelings will last after this 10-14 day trip is up to her. she could be really happy to see you and probably do the most insane things wen u come back but then they might go away again so the best thing to do is to keep pushing her away so when u come back dont kiss her give it time so she can truly develop feelings for u and they can last. When u feel its the right time to go for a kiss make sure its something like a peck nothing more and only do it once!!!!!!!! then when u feel like u can do it twice a day do it and so forth until you reached the bed and from ther start ovr i hope this'll work but make sure u think about whats going to happen if u do this!!!!
...............................
|
