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male
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*R1N9L3
writes: Hello , I am 17 and in a very serious relationship but my girlfriend cheated on me a month and half ago when she went away for a weekend. She blames it on being "caught up in the moment". She has been lying to me about the facts and I finally got some truth out of her the other day. I have just recently found out today that she has been texting him and he has been texting her very often and recently. As you can probably guess I am very hurt and upset and I tend to not sleep, because I can't stop thinking about her cheating. I just get upset even more. Please can some one give me advice on what to do? I love her so much and and we had sex for the first time last week. I never want to leave her and she does love me too, and she doesn't want to lose me either. Every time I think about this I end up hurting myself because I get so angry. Please please please give me advice on what to do to help through this ... Thank You ...PR1N9L3 xxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2006): hey man... i am 22 and have been with my girl for about 14 months now... we get along so well when we are together but when were not i cant trust her, for me trust is so important and ive told her before about the trust issue and she gets touchy about it... i am up at 3 am right now due to the fact she told me 2 hours ago shes going out at 2am with 2 girls...10 minutes later on the phone she says 3 girls then she says about 20 mins later "oh i gotta go the guys are waiting in davids car" .... WHO THE F*** is david!? you told me you were getting the bus? I wouldnt worry man, my ex cheated on me with me :S she had a husband, found out after 8 months... life is all a learning curve, you`ll eventually find somebody who will respect you and wont wanna hurt you.. you are 17 and its good youve learnt so young really , i know it hurts , ive been there but trust me mate its worth it in the long run ...dump her IRISH PRIDE!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2005): Dude, I'm 27 years old and until recently, was engaged to the world's biggest bitch.My mother passed away last year and I asked her to come to the hospital because I really needed her there and instead she went out.When I asked her why she turned things around to make herself the centre of attention, completely oblivious to the pain i was feeling.After that she actually told me that her parents said I'd never amount to anything and because of my ethnicity. I was working hard at the time to build enough contacts to start my freelance business but the money was not coming in yet, so because of what she said, I took a job I didnt want to take,hurt my back, got very sick physically, mentally and emotionally to the point of suicide.I had to find out the truth about her on my own. After 2+years of misery, she's off happy and I've lost my career,the respect of my peers and any hope of happiness in my life. At least yours told you. Now what you have to do is have a black heart until you find a woman who respects you and even after you do, keep it black until after you get married, remember it will happen one day.You're not alone dude, you really aren't.Stay strong and if you can, find a hobby that you love.Make sure it requires you to use your hands, that way you don't have to think too much.You're 17 and you've got your whole life ahead of you. Try and learn from this mistake.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): Dude you're only 17. Don't get so worked up over some girl who have cheated on you. She will do it again. Grow some balls and move on. You deserve better. She's your first, so right now you feel like she's so perfect for you...blah blah blah. You got alot to learn, experience and feel. Don't be blinded by the infatuation you have. You can do better than that.
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female
reader, amylynn +, writes (23 October 2005):
im sorry to tell you but your gf doesnt love you and once a cheater always a cheater because she knows she can get away with it there are many other girls out there and youll find one thats right for you remember your only 17
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female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (22 October 2005):
If she loved you then she wouldn't need anyone else therefore she doesn't love you. You're 17, very young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Don't get upset because she isn't loyal, consider it her loss. If I was you I would find someone who is truly worth loving. Good luck to you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2005): She claims to love you but think again..she's cheating and likely still is, she's lying-all that is not the the usual behaviour of a devoted, loving gf. I would ask other guys what they think. They likely wouldn't give 2 cents for a woman that cheated. Ask any woman who found out their man cheated-they would say the same thing. Hun, you are just blinded by your love for her. I know it hurts, and its going to get worse before it gets better, but you need to end this now. If she was serious about wanting to stay with you she would know there is no way that she could continue texting this guy she cheated with. She assumes that you will do nothing about it so she has no reason to stop cheating and lying-its time for her to hit the road. Sorry to be harsh, but cheaters never get kind words from me. And I hate seeing you get "crapped on" like this. Take care and Be strong.
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female
reader, not again +, writes (22 October 2005):
Hello! Sorry to hear about your situation. I guess there are two things here. 1) do you want to stay with someone who has cheated on you and hurt you and could do it again? and 2) if you do stay with her (which it sounds like you will because you obviously care about her a lot) then how are you going to trust her and deal with your anger.
Cheating is one thing, but if she was really sorry would she still be texting that guy? I don't think so. I think you should definetly say to her that that is NOT ok. She should be having no contact with that guy!! If you carry on with her then you need to have a talk to her and say that you are really committed to making this work, but ask her if there is any doubt that she might be unfaithful to you again then she has to tell you so that you can work out whether you stay with her. I guess the biggest risk is that you keep going out with her and she would hurt you again, aye? Some say once a cheater always a cheater, I spose you have to make your own decision on that one.
Now for the anger/ lack of sleep. I can sympathise with that. When I got cheated on I would lie in bed and it would go round and round my head and I would get so angry!!! There are three things I suggest, and do these all privately- this is your own journey in getting skills to deal with hurt (we've all been there!!) Ok, so when you find yourself dwelling on it and thinking about it too much you need to consciously change your thoughts. Just say to yourself- I've thought about this enough and i'm gonna think about soemthing else. Then think about something positive like something you've achieved or all the blessings you have in your life. It sounds cheesey but it's important to "train" yourself to think different thoughts. Another thing you should do i writing. Get a blank journal and just write and write and write!! let everything come out, don't censor what you write, and don't stop writing. You might cry and you might get angry but just write and rite and write. Afterwards you mught want to burn what you write and as you watch the smoke go up you can watch your problems go with it. again, i know it sounds kinda wacky but freestyle writing is very good for you, and you start writing stuff that you didnt quite know that you thought- its very clarifying. And thirdly it is important that you physically release your anger cos otherwise it will build up inside you. Go to a beach or a park or somewhere by yourself where no one is around (I'm from NZ so it is easy for me to find somewhere isolated, I don't know about you) and get physical! Scream if you have to. Throw rocks and stones into the water or grass with all your might and yell at the same time. Get old plates and smash them or scream into a pillow! You need to let out what you're feeling or it will eat away at you- and thats not fair on you or your body.
I hope this helps :-).
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