A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:whenever my girlfriend and myself have a disagreement her first answer is always well maybe we should just end it? or well shall i move out then? I almost feel like she wants me to say yes.I have been there for her through everything. Looked after her and even helped her financially and thats all i get she cant just talk things through. Its not even that i get this answer in an argument its when discussing simple things. Do i keep going or should i wait till the next time i get that answer and tell her to pack her bags? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Smileypants  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 OK, I kinda do this with my BF. He's called me on it too! I don't threaten to end the relationship, but I just wanna grab my shit and go home. (We don't live together, but I'm at his house A LOT). This is why: (for me)1. I've been through rocky relationships, and one in particular where my ex was an alcoholic. He would get drunk and berate me, fight, and nothing I would do or say would help. (Probably because reasoning with a drunk person is futile.) For me, this makes arguements something that makes me stressed to the point of feeling sick. And I want out at that point.2. My BF is moody, and when he gets in a "mood" it's like talking to a brick wall. Nothing will fix it until his mood changes, and I get SO frusterated trying. I just want space until he calms down and quits being argumentative. Be honest with yourself: does that describe you too?? If so, then space when things are heated is a great idea.3. I have my own place. I pay my own rent. When I feel like he's being unreasonable, I want nothing more than to be in MY home, thank you very much!Space to calm down after an arguement is fine. Threatening to end the relationship over every disagreement is not. Talk to her (NOT during a fight!) And let her know that you want to be with her, even when you're mad and that you hope she feels the same way. If she says that she does feel that way, let her know how much it hurts you and makes you feel unimportant that you could be so easily dumped over a petty disagreement. Ask her to please just take some space if she needs it, but don't put the entire relationship on the line just because she's mad at the moment. Listen to what she has to say about it all, and be willing to accept some of the blame, if that's the case.If she still never stops doing that- yeah, call her bluff and tell her you'll help her pack.she'll either backpedal, or leave- then you have all the answers you need.Good luck to you both!
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 May 2011):
 I think it less means she wants to break up and more means she's feeling insecure about the stability of the relationship. I think she more just wants to hear you say that you still want to be with her even when you're both angry. It's very passive aggressive, but I'd assume that's why she does it more than because she wants to end things.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): What type of relationships has she seen growing up?
I ask because I do this with my boyfriend all the time,and he hates it! I may not have the same reasons as your girlfriend, but here's why I do it:
1. I grew up in a single parent household. Meaning I have never seen examples of adult relationships growing up. I've never seen two people work through and communicate their problems effectively. So when trouble comes, my first instinct is to run the opposite direction. But! after I've tried to break up with my boyfriend I totally regret it.(maybe she will feel the same?)
2. Growing up my mother (i hate to say) turned me into a quitter. If I was playing a sport or involved in an after school activity and something went wrong she never made me go back. So it also becomes instinct to quit if there is a problem or the situation becomes to tough.
Some great advice I've heard from an old married couple on Oprah.com : "Separate after an argument. It takes someone about 20 minutes to calm down."
So maybe try going off on your own for a bit after a fight? Also instead of just letting her go when she tries to leave, stick with her. She needs an example of someone who is truly dedicated.
I hope I helped. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 May 2011):
 when I ask my bf if he wants to end our relationship it's not about my wanting to be without him but more about my wondering if he wants to be with me...
so when she asks if you want her to leave... you turn the tables on her and ask her... why she thinks that...
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