A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear DC readers,Around 2years ago I hit depression and lost many friends and contacts. I stuck myself in my room and never saw anyone. Due to this, I lost confidence and selfesteem and my social skills deteriorated. Of course I battled with the depression and have overcome it. However now I need to overcome bad social skills. The problem I have is that I find it hard to say something that's on my mind. I think about a lot of things but I can't seem to put them together into words and speak my mind. This makes me v quiet around ppl and timid eventhough I know I'm not. I used to have plenty of friends back in the day and half were girls who I had on tap. I know I'm a very confident person. I can chat to ppl fine on msgs or msn but not words of mouth. How can I talk more? How can I be the loudest person in the group again (eventhough that's not always a good thing but I want to be popular again and the fact that I don't have plenty o friends anymore makes me ruminate about this situation even more, hence makes me more nervous and anxious about it.Help would be very much appreciated.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Dear DCsThank you for your answers, very much appreciated, however I do have some feedback to give. In response to the question of how I overcame my depression, I basically went to CBT sessions with the aid of medication. It came a point where I just have to accept what episodes happened in my life. Now it doesn't bother me at all. Secondly, noone ever abandoned me, I locked my self up in my room without communicating to anyone. The UK isn't as social as the US. Most people here are very conservative. Don't care about other peoples business. So having a conversation at the gym I dont think would be successful, and as the latest response said, "there are weirdos out there". My fundamental question still hasn't been answered. How do I process my thoughts into words? I may go up to someone in the gym or whatever but I wouldn't know what to say. This is hard to explain, even by keyboard (which I don't have a problem with at all I.e. Msn etc which I mentioned that I do not have a problem with that). I think this is getting scattered much. So I'll leave it there. Regards.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): I've been through the same but my depression was caused by workplace bullying. When I moved to a new job I didn't talk socially to anyone and I still feel awkward today bit I have two very close friends whom I could trust woth my life. What I've learnt is that the key is not quantity but quality. Seek out like-minded people and focus on them instead of yourself. Take a real interest in their life. I would say be picky because you're still going to be fragile so don't try and be friends with everyone straight away because there are weirdos out there! Don't be pressured into recapturing the old you. You've been through a life-changing experience and probably won't be the same person you were before. Above all, take it easy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Small steps. Maybe start by taking up a hobby, go to the gym, take a class. Some place where you are around plenty of people but don't HAVE to be social. And if all those people abandoned you when you were depressed, how good friends were they to begin with?Get out there! Start living life again. Don't expect to be Mr. Popularity, just be you.
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