A
male
age
30-35,
*cott JD
writes:My girlfriend is constantly becoming depressed and complaining about her low self esteem. She says she is fat way too many times in one day and I try to convince her that she's NOT fat but she just doesn't seem to get it. Overall she just lacks self esteem and refuses to cheer up no matter how much I point out her perfections or tell her how nice her body actually is. What are some ways I can maybe cheer her up? I really want nothing more than to make her happy but it's hard when she's constantly bashing her body and her mind, please help. I understand it can be someone futile in trying to cheer up an emotionally fluctuating 18 year old girl but I at least want to make her feel A LITTLE better about herself. I have seriously pointed out everything good in her and she just doesn't want to cheer up.
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female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (7 March 2008):
 I love DoubleMs answer!!!!!!!!!This is exactly what my man does when I am sad (for any kinda reason) and everytime he does it ... it makes me feel sooooooo much better about myself and everything else ,cause at that moment I know I am loved and wanted and I am exactly the person he wants me to be!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): Women are born and raised to feel inadequate about our appearances. The pressure to be thin is unbelievable.
It is insurmountable for some, and they develop severe self-esteem problems, then eating disorders, etc.
It will take a long time for her to get over it because chances are she has been faced with this since she was a small child. It is deeply ingrained in her. She is completely convinced that she is fat and ugly and not good enough.
You need to make her believe that you like HER body, and no other kind.
Tell her that she is your "type", that you find her body type very attractive. Tell her that you don't find skinnier girls attractive, that they are not your "type". Try to explain to her that different men have different tastes and that as far as you are concerned, her body is perfect as it is and that it does not need changing. Tell her you wouldn't care if she were 10, 15, 20 pounds heavier, because you like the way her body feels. Tell her you don't want to be able to see and feel her bones. Kiss her and hug her lots. Always be touching her, hell spank her ass while you're walking through the mall or something. These sorts of things will make her feel like you just can't keep your hands off her, and that will make her feel gorgeous.
Of course all these things are a temporary comfort.
Mostly she wants to feel sexy, beautiful, desired and wanted. She wants to feel perfect and comfortable in her own skin. It will take her a lot of self-reflection and growth to be able to feel this way. Usually women become more self-confident as they get older. Young women are especially insecure, but over time, she will develop a strong sense of self and the way her body looks will become less important to her. She will learn to love every curve, every stretch mark, every bit of extra flab.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Put your arms around her about twice as much as you have been doing, hold her close to you for a long time and kiss her all about her cheeks and neck, and tell her that you love her (if you do). You are the one to nurture her, to make her feel good and wanted. This is what a woman cherishes - love, acceptance and attention. Give it.
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A
female
reader, cb +, writes (7 March 2008):
One of the big problems is that society tells girls that they must be skinny and pretty to be liked. Women are bombarded with images of girls with beautiful hair, pretty faces and perfect bodies. A lot of girls don't realize that that is a lot of air brushing and photoshop. Girls are given these images so they WILL feel bad about themselves. If they feel bad and compare themselves to others then they will buy whatever product is being sold. It's all about making money. Those low rise jeans don't help either. It is hard not to feel fat when all the jeans don't fit right. All the stores sell really low tshirts ( gotta buy two of those) and ultra low jeans. Go to the dove site and tell her to look at the dove beauty commercial. It shows how an average girl is turned into a supermodel with the help of makeup and computer alterations. I think you should focus on how much you like her being real. Make it a point to talk about how fake a lot of girls are. When you see a thin girl make a joke about her needed a donut. Remind her that she would look sick if she was too small. Make sure you spend more time looking into your girlfriends eyes, rubbing her back and playing with her hair. Make her laugh. Keep her mind off it.
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