A
male
age
36-40,
*c1985
writes:Im very confused of what to do. my girlfriend and i plan to move away together in july but i wonder if this is the right thing to do. i sometimes wonder i should be with her. i love her but maybe were not right for eachother. im quite outgoing, i like to go out to clubs with my friends but she wont come with me. she says that drinking is only a university thing????? seems crazy! she dosnt like to stay out late and gets picked up by her mother at 10 every night. were both nearly 23 and it seems rediculous that she has what seems like a bed time. she reads alot and says she would rather imagine people than meet them. i wonder that if we move in together nothing will change and she will want to turn in at 10 every night. sex is a problem too. she doesnt want to do it that often, its about once a month and its not enough for me.we have been together nearly 2 years and there have been good times. i wonder whether to let her go or not but if i do it may be a huge mistake. can intravert and extravert people have a relationship? this is very confusing and any advice will be good!
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male
reader, cc1985 +, writes (8 March 2008):
cc1985 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your help! we met up last night. i felt like i wanted her back but she seemed soo miserable and nothing i said could cheer her up. were not back together. she wants a couple of weeks away from me and i cant blame her. i have confused the hell out of her because i tell her my problems with her and then i want to take it back. my bedroom is covered in her things and photos of us. was i really right in breaking it off? how do i not see her after seeing her almost every day for 2 years? what do i do with her stuff? some of the things i have she has made for me and their really special to me but every time i look at them i feel upset. can any of this be easy?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (7 March 2008):
 Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through this pain right now. I want to write to support you in that I think you've made the right decision based on what you wrote in your original post.
You're both still young, and it seems to me that you've got some incompatibility issues that would not be resolved by moving away and in together.
Sex being one of them. She honestly doesn't seem like she's that into it, if she only wants it once a month. So that's one strike against a long term relationship. It's not likely to improve just by moving in together.
The other issue of how you want to spend your free time is also a problem. She doesn't like going out, would rather read about people than get to know them? And you are an extrovert who likes clubs and partying. That's not going to change, at least not now for her. You, on the other hand, may find clubbing becomes boring as you get older, but that is probably some time from now. She sounds like she's a homebody, not that that's a bad thing, but that's not what you're looking for right now.
Of course, you love her, and of course you have deep feelings for her, but that does not mean that you belong together in the long run. Sorry for being blunt about this, but it's true.
You're on two different paths, and trying to force the relationship to overcome these fundamental differences between you is just not going to work.
You made the right decision. I know it hurts a lot for you, and no doubt for her too right now, but you have done her and yourself a favor. Maybe someday, you two would be able to make a go of it, but you're doing the right thing in not forcing either of you to change your fundamental selves.
I hope you get lots of support from your mates and that she has people she can turn to for her own mourning process. This will take time to get over, but again, I think you were brave and intelligent enough to realize that this needed to be done.
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A
male
reader, cc1985 +, writes (7 March 2008):
cc1985 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for your reply. i broke up with her this morning and i feel soo bad about it. i feel sick, my head hurts, i cant stop crying. i feel like a pathetic child but i know that i really do want someone more fun and adventerous though i do love her. my head is soo messed up at the moment. i would love to hear from someone who has been with a girl like this???
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): Hi there, my ex, broke up with his ex ages ago after being together for 4 years cause she 1) didnt like going out 2) didnt want sex with him.
Im afraid moving away with your gf would be a wrong move, nothing will change, but you will be stuck in a new country/city with someone who is not right for you.
Do yourself a favour - part now before you will have shared bills and mortgage. Find yourself someone whos more outgoing - doesnt have to be a party pooper though. Drinking is a university thing though, but your only young once, right? I think you will realise that youve made the right decision by splitting up with her when you meet someone who is friendly and funny and social and likes crazy uni parties and you will enjoy yourself so much more when out.
Hope this helps :)
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