A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First off i just wanna say thank you for all the help, i'm in an awkward situation, so any advice is greatly appreciated.Situation: About 4 weeks ago, my girlfriend of just under 3 years broke up with me. We had been dating for roughly 2 and a half years with no problems at all, then when we started college some guy started "talking" to her. I thought it was ok cause we loved each other and I trusted her. She then tells me one night about three months after she started talking to this guy that, "I'm not in love with you, I don't wanna be with you, I'm in love with him, I wanna be with him." I was so confused so I ask her what was wrong. She says, "Our relationship was perfect, you were perfect, you did nothing wrong, the next girl you meet is gonna be a real lucky girl." That was just so confusing. So I stop talking to her for about 2 weeks to clear my head and give her some space. When I talk to her again, I just try and be nice and say, "ok you don't want me as your boyfriend, but I still wanna be friends." She replies, "I don't want you in my life, I don't want you as my friend. These past 2 weeks have been perfect, and I'm happy without you."I just don't understand what went wrong. I'm not trying to tute my own horn, but I'm a pretty nice guy. I treated her with so much respect and love, I would/did anything for her. I never forced her to do anything, helped her with anything, and was just always there for her. I don't really know this new guy she is with, but from what I hear, he's kind of "shady." There is no way he treats her with as much respect and love as I did. I'm just so confused cause I still love her and care about her, and I don't wanna see her get hurt. How come she doesn't still care about me? How come she can just move on like that after 3 years? What is going on?Thanks again for all the help.
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male
reader, BALIK +, writes (2 August 2008):
after carefully reading the problem and all of its responces, a big weight lifted off my shoulders, i realized im not alone, i used to think i was the only person that this has happened too... i had a girlfriend for about 3 years, its been a whole year since she broke it off, nd i think about her everyday... the problem is she never gave me a reason why she broke it off, another problem is she lives two blocks down my street so i cant stop thinkin about her... whatever... i wish u all well...
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): Ok so my girlfriend broke up with me just the last weekend and we were trying to work everything out and just the other night after being with her friends she wouldnt answer my calls so i called her aunt and had her aunt talk to her. I found out that she wanted to call it quits for good and that she didnt want to ever talk to me again. She used to date a guy awhile back in high school and she says shes with him already. The key thing is that I hit her when I was drunk and i dont even remember that happening but it did. I told her that I would fix everything and quit drinking and take all the work that shes done and put it on my shoulders for me to fix and handle. I love her to death and we were with each other for 2 1/2 years and now she says that the only reason she wanted to go out with me was bc she felt sorry for me. She keeps trying to rub it in that she has always cared for this guy and she has never mentioned a word about him until they started talking again. Im just curious on if she really means that she doesnt want anything to do with me and that she wants me to be jealous bc thats what i think is happening. I told her i still atleast want to be friends. Maybe if i get a good job and start doing better do you think that maybe then when we are talking she'll notice me again. but i know i will have to take it slow and not push. She has my number blocked and said not to blow up her phone but I think it is her friends and that guy that is messing with her head. I am totally sorry and regretful for what I did but she means the world to me and I know i've done wrong but theres no way she still doesnt have feelings for me. So let me know what you think bc this will be very helpful and plz dont leave stupid comments. thank you.....I am 19 and she is almost 18.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 It may be a case of being too 'predictable' and no surprises in this relationship or the love has gone stale.
This did not develop over night. She could have probably decided to leave you a few months back but was unable till this new guy came into the picture.
Don't chase after her. You will be heaped with more scorn only.
If you love her, let her go......
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A
male
reader, whatsTrueLove? +, writes (18 February 2008):
Hey, this is the original poster, and I just wanna say thank you again. To help an anonymous person in their time of need is true character and I just wanna say thank you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I was in this kind situation few years ago. My ex and I worked in the same company and we see each other everyday. Our relationship was perfect, we were together for 2 years. We were so much in love and planned to get married the next year before he left me. It happened so suddenly that he admitted he's seeing someone and the girl is pregnant that he had to choose the other girl. It broke my heart big time, i tried to kill myself because i was really hurt. Later, after i got out from the hospital, i found out that the girl she replaced me is only a waitress from the canteen we used to eat lunch together. So then i realized that i need to be strong, move on and get a better man than him that i could be proud of. Now, i'm very happy with my husband and i just laugh at him and the situation i was been. Actually i'm so glad that i didnt marry him because he is a cheater who knows, hes now cheating on his girl too?Anyway, what i am trying to say is that, maybe its for the best she broke up with you. Maybe she's just not the right one for you. Great and wonderful woman will come along who will appreciate and love you million times she did for you. Stop thinking about her she doesnt deserve it. Fix yourself, smile and go out . There are many wonderful things and great people to be seen outside.Good luck and hope you feel better soon :-)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (18 February 2008):
 Breaking up is never ever easy for either party. You gave lots of information about how you feel but there's really no knowing what's going on in her head or life. I'm sorry that you're feeling so much pain.
I don't know why she would want to give you up but maybe it's better that you've been given a clean break. My advice is to try to keep yourself busy and not spend all your waking moments thinking about this. I realize that this is much easier said than done, and in the past, I've been in the same situation and obsessed about what happened and what I should have done differently. Two of the ex boyfriends contacted me later (years later, not months) and said they should not have let me go, but by then, I had moved on. And I really didn't care enough to take them back by that point. Funny how total involvement can morph into indifference when enough time has passed.
You are still young and obviously have good qualities that another woman will treasure. Don't let this experience keep you from dating again or turn you bitter. She is gone, and has tried to make it a clean break, I think. The best thing you can do is mourn the break up, stay sweet and caring and a really wonderful woman will come along and totally appreciate you and your heart.
Then some years down the road, you'll run into this ex and you'll wonder what you ever saw in her.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (18 February 2008):
 As hard as it may be right now, and I know you have a lot of emotional investment in this girl, just let it go for the time being. She'll eventually find a crack or two in her new Knight's armor and wonder what could have been with you. The "friends" concept is such a treacherous path. There is no way you can truly be friends with someone like that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): heya
maybe things were getting to serious for her, im with my boyf of 4 years, im only 22, and theres talks of weddings and his family are doing my head in, some times i feel like cutting off all ties even tho i care for him loads. I reckon theres more to this situation. I feel this could be some kind of test to see how strong your relationship is. Maybe she needs to know you aint prepared to give up that easliy, prove your love. It is so easy to say 'let go'..but it is in fact really hard. 2 years is a long time.
Are you sure you havnt said something to upset her? missed an important date like a anniversary? insulted her without knowing?
Maybe there is a new fella on the scene?
Give it one more week, and then send her a letter, a long meaningfull one, think about what you are going to write during the week. In this letter, explain to her that if she does not contact you, that you will always love her but it is your final attempt, explain to her what she means to you, send a photo with it:S both of you having a gud time..sounds so cheesy, but its the cheesy things that make someone smile...
All in all, if this fails, then it is best to 'live and let live'... one day she will miss you. maybe you can use this time to focus on yourself, what your indiviual needs are, takin up sports hobbies..get pissed lol?!...
i wish you all the best
god bless
Friend xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2008): To be honest, this is confusing me too. I don't understand why pretty much all of a sudden, she'd stop things with you. But I think she's not accepting being your friend maybe because she knows an old flame might burn again. She might just need time to get over you, and she's scared that if she starts seeing you again, then she won't get a chance to move on. You could also take into consideration, maybe her new boyfriend doesn't want her to see you - which is understandable really.. You are her ex.. (Although I'm not saying this is right - it's not, in my opinion.)
But whatever happens, don't let your heart break over it honey. What she did wasn't nice of her, but just give her a little space, and then see what happens. I'm so sorry to hear that you're a great guy, but have been treated like this.. Good luck honey, mail me if you ever need me :]
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