A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i'm in serious need of some help and advice. please. so i've been with my girlfriend for about four months now and love her to death.well it's a known fact that she hates one of my other friends. there's absolutely nothing going on between us, but she is really insecure about her. i try to reassure her but she still just really can't stand her. anyway, about a month ago, she had asked me if she could use my phone to look at something on the internet. i handed it over to her. well when she handed it back, it seemed evident she'd gone through my text messages. i asked her point blank if she had and she insisted no. but she kept asking me if i'd ever confided in anyone about our problems, which i thought was odd. i told her no over and over, because to the best of my knowledge, i really hadn't recalled talking about our problems to anyone. well a months span of time passes and yesterday she's at work, and i text her telling her i'm feeling like we've been having a lot of problems lately and have been upset and insecure. i was asking for reassurance. then she SNAPS on me and tells me that a month ago, when she asked to use my phone, she DID read my texts (which she lied about) to my friend who she hates and saw where i had confided in her about our problems and also that she had apparently sent me some sexy pic of herself? she claimed i just trash talked her and said horrible things. and that she didn't want to be with me anymore because i was a liar for saying i hadn't confided in her, and i'm a cheater who just receives pics from "whores." and she'd been holding it in for so long, she was just bursting with anger at me. it was a bombshell. and i was so caught off guard that i didn't even think to look through my texts to confirm if this had even taken place. in my confusion, i thought i had deleted them already.i wait til she gets off work and i try to talk to her face to face that evening, but she insists she is done and wants me to leave her alone. so i left. it broke my heart. and crazily enough, it wasn't until this morning that i realized i still had all of my texts from my friend. so i scrolled through them all to see what my gf had seen. i had in fact vented to my friend, but it was nothing i hadn't already told my gf i was feeling in the past. it shouldn't have been a surprise to her. and i wasn't saying horrible stuff; i was saying how i felt and that i was upset. i was confiding in a friend. that's what friends are for, afterall, if you ask me. and she had no business reading it in the first place. that's why i don't believe in going through each others stuff. things get taken out of context just like that. anyway, i also had no "sexy pics" from her at all. she had sent me a pic of a girl she was seeing who was in a tight black dress who kinda looked like her because i had asked for a pic of her new gf, and her girlfriend resembled her. there were a few other pics like that in my phone from her, but nothing scandelous. all girls she was currently seeing and none of her. which is NORMAL, and should go to show there's nothing going on! in fact, i'd sent her a pic of my gf when we first got together cause she was curious what she looked like and i told her how beautiful i thought she was and how lucky i was to have her. the only other thing i had in my phone was way back in the beginning of july when she sent me a pic in a dress asking me if she looked good because she was going to a club and meeting up with a girl. and i did tell her she looked good! but my god! she's my friend! there's nothing sexual going on and she's accusing me of cheating and it's driving me insane. she also is accusing me of intentionally lying to her and saying i'd never confided in her about our problems, when in reality, i had. but truth be told, it was weeks later when she asked me, and i didn't remember!! i'm not a liar. so she's dumped me for all these false allogations. and i've spent all day trying to get her to talk to me but she's insisting i leave her alone and she's got too much work and school to deal with. i'm blown away. i love her so much and i can't seem to make this right. please help me. was i wrong? do i deserve this? advice please!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): You feel you did nothing wrong.. But let me post my point of wisdom, I have been with my husband for 23years, I'm just coming into my 40's. and never ever would I take our problems and broadcast them to my friends.. Why not? Because when your angry, you will vent of course and that's natural, you will say stuff you do not mean.. And you will portray your partner in a very negative light, this is human nature..Your friends then have insight into your house, that they have no right to, arguing is as intimate as making love, would you put on a display for your friends of the latter, No.. Then you shouldn't have opened your mouth . You should have spoken to your gf and aired the issue until it was resolved without going behind her back.As for the pictures she lucky she didn't cut of your knackers and make christmas decoration out of them.. Who in their right mind wants pics of anyone's else's chicks unless their an interest of some sort.. You need to grow up and move on.. Leave her well alone..I hope your female friend is worth the Argo ..Take care
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): I don't vent about my partner to friends and I would be very upset if I found out that he did behind my back. My friends and I don't send each other photos asking whether we look hot in certain dresses and I would be very upset if my boyfriend sent his buddies pictures of me. So, yes if I were dating you, I'd end things as well.
If you're looking for justification for your behavior you'll surely find it. I'm sure that some people will see absolutely nothing wrong with what you did. Go find one of them.
You and this woman are incompatible. You and she have very different values. Please leave her alone and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2012): I would give her some time & space. Don't contact her for awhile & let her calm down. She shouldn't of been looking at your message but if I used my boyfriends phone & found him communicating with another girl (whom I didn't like) and it was about our problems, I would be hurt too.
You did nothing wrong, but maybe she can't handle you being that close of friends with another female. So if you do really care & want to work things out, you might want to distance your friendship with this other girl, for the sake of this new relationship. Good luck.
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