A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Sorry for the length, but I desperately need help!!!I'm 12, turning 13 in about a week. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for about 6-7 months now, and I guess for our age, we have a good physical life, but since summer started we haven't seen each other,and her IM, texts, calls, everything has slowly decreased to the point where I may get 1 call every 1-3 weeks. It has been 4 months since we have kissed/made-out!!! I have been talking to one of my best friends( a girl ) and I'm starting to lose some interest in my girlfriend. I talk to her friends a lot on AIM, and they are getting suspicious a lot of her close friends, (which are also my friends) have already figured this out. They want me to stay with her, but I don't know if I can with this other girl in my life. And the fact that we have almost no contact with her, and you may say, "Why don't you call her" Well I do, but her phone is always off or she isn't home.I am also afraid that she may be cheating on me. She sometimes expresses strong interest in other guys, and she is a bit promiscuous. So to sum it all up:1. I'm missing my girlfriend2. We haven't had any contact for about a month(physical/and we haven't talked at all, it is almost like not having a girlfriend at all)3. I like/love another girlSorry for the length but please help me, I don't know if I should break up with my girlfriend for the other girl.
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female
reader, PractiGal  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 A couple of things stand out for me in your letter. You say that you miss her, but then you also don't seem to have a very high opinion of her, eg: "She sometimes expresses strong interest in other guys, and she is a bit promiscuous". You also say that*her* IM, texts and calls have dwindled, but you don't say that you're doing much to improve things. This says to me that you like making out, but you don't like the actual girl that much.
Now, this isn't a judgement on you. At 13, you're not expected to have have developed a lot of nuance in relationships, but you should at least like and respect the other person. What I see is, you don't. That's all right, but you can't just ignore her and hope she'll go away, so you can start up with the New Girl.
So do the honest thing. You need to make sure that your soon-to-be ex-girlfriend knows that you think it's over. Otherwise, things get -- believe me -- messy. Find a way to get in touch with her. You can do that if you try. If her mobile phone is off, ring her landline number. Go by her house. If you have friends in common, give them a message to give to her. Write something down in a ~postal letter~ if you have to. But let her know the truth of the way things stand. Don't worry about the "friends"; nobody can make you stay in a relationship if your heart's not in it. Would they want you to ~lie~ to your girlfriend, just to make them happy?
You don't have to be -- and I don't recommend that you be -- nasty about breaking up. Far better to say something like "We've been seeing each other less and less over the summer, and I've realised that maybe that's OK..." Be quick, be honest... but don't tell her that you're interested in someone else. (That's just mean.)
When you've made sure that your old GF knows where you two stand, then you're free to think about a new GF.
Take care!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Just go where your heart leads you. You like this other girl, then go for her. It seems you really have nothing to lose since your girlfriend doesn't even answer her phone and shows little interest in the relationship. Break it off with her and try to ask this other girl out and DON'T listen to her friends comments about you doing this. At your age they will act highly immature and they will probably call you a jerk of some sort. Also, again because of your age, take things slowly and don't rush into a more intimate relationship. Wait till you're older or at least legal conscenting age.
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