A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am happily married to my best friend. There is nothing wrong between us.However, I had a good friend I met almost 5 years ago at college. Almost the whole time I knew "college guy" I was dating my current husband. I did have a crush on "college guy" but nothing major...I've had crushes on many of my guy friends. Two years into college he joined the army. We still talked and were still good friends. I got frustrated though he wouldn't return phone calls among a few other things so I decided I'd stop calling and just let him call. He didn't call for 5 months. We talked. I was annoyed then but everything was fine. Its been 2 years since then. He hasn't called. Its ok,I obviously wasn't in love with him and people loose friends all the time.The problem is though, it still bothers me that we were such good friends and then nothing. There was no closure, no falling out, no drifting apart, no fight... and it bothers me I don't know what happened and still can't get over his friendship. How do I get over a friend I can't contact that there was no closure?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2008): Maybe he didn't see you two's "friendship" as seriously as you saw it. What kind of friendship was this? What would you guys do, watch chick flicks and go shopping for cute outfits together?
The truth is that men want to be friends with men. And most men can't be great friends with girls unless they have known them their whole life, since childhood. Other than that, guys will most likely just be friends with you cause they see the potential for sex. That's not TRUE friendship. He probably realised that you were serious about your boyfriend so he stopped returning your calls cause he figured he would never have sex with you. That's the god-honest truth.
Its a tricky thing to be "friends" with men. If you are looking for true friendship you are better off befriending women or gay guys. But men? They most likely are just looking for sex or a relationship, but unless he is gay, he is not looking to spend a sunday afternoon with you painting your fingernails, styling your hair and listening to all about your guy problems. It wasn't a true friendship that you two had, sorry to disappoint you.
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (9 July 2008):
 Hi
Just accept that he has moved on and sometimes people dont say goodbye when they do that.
We have all had friends that just dissappear. Usually thats just the way life goes and we dont give it much thought, because you had feelings for this guy, that wasn't so easy for you.
But you are with someone now, and he most probably is too. Just accept it for what it probably was, that he has a new life now, and you dont feature in it. Its nothing personal or a statement against your character.
Over analysing wont change things.
C xxxx
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