A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A little background info...I've been dating my girlfriend maybe 4 months, known her for 2 1/2 years before that. I'm 16, will be 17 very soon. I have depression, insomnia, and a bunch of other crap. My girlfriend is 19, will be 20 before I'm 17, soon. Don't know if that's relevent, I'm not one to use age as a measure of maturity. She also has depression, much worse than mine though. She has one leg and is 4'1". She's a very pretty girl, but these things seem to have gotten her under some belief that she's "not normal" or "a freak". She's incredibly smart, funny, just an overall wonderful person.Of course, there are problems...First off, she can be very rude at times. It's mostly in her nature. She doesn't take crap from anybody and will not hesitate to snap at people. I'd really love alot more respect. It makes me feel like I'm not doing a good job as a boyfriend, which I'll tell her (I never hide my feelings from her, well, most of the time) and she'll tell me to "man up" or something similar, then will apologize hours later.Another thing, she's terrible with her emotions. Horrible. She always bottles them and seems to have extreme difficulty expressing them to me. She likes to talk about my feelings though... why not hers? I want her to open up to me, be more confortable talking about anything to me. I tell her she can, that i'll be available to her. She says Im really sweet for that, and that shes happy I care about her, but has yet to ever ask me for any help. She's not usually ever happy. This makes me feel very depressed because I want to make her happy. I can make her smile, but the happiness never lasts. I love her, I'd do anything for this girl. She said she "wants to love" me but "its difficult for me to love anybody, but Im trying so hard." What does that even mean? I know love doesn't just pop out of nowhere, but how do I come to possible make her love me?Another thing, though not important, maybe, is that I don't think she has any plans after highschool (shes 19 and a senior in highschool, not because she was held back but because she was adopted about 5 or 6 times as a child and was moved around alot). I was trying to suggest maybe she move in with me (I have ALOT of money for my future from a lawsuit) but she says she has some sort of emotional attatchment to her twin sister and its hard for her to be without her, but says shes trying to stop this attatchment. Basically, I want her to open up more, accept my feelings towards her, eventually love me. I want our relationship to go far, because she and I near perfect for each other, but I want to get more... connected with her. All help appreciated!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010): Hey there buddy.
I've also entered a relationship and after a while i started suspecting that my girlfriend is depressed. She gets very upset about little things that make can make her world crack down in a second. A simple word might be enough sometimes, the way someone looks at her and laughs, or whatever she does and fails at.
I have had no experience with depressed people before so at first I had no idea how to deal with this and handle the situation. At first I thought there was something wrong with me, that it's me who's not making her feel good enough, and the thought really had me staying up a lot of nights thinking about it.
Then I started to educate myself about depression. I started reading books, checking the internet for it, and slowly I was beginning to understand that it's really not my fault at all. She has always been telling me that she feels better when I'm around, but it breaks my heart everytime she starts to get miserable, which tends to happen a lot.
I keep telling her that I'm there for her whenever she needs me and respect her time alone when she tells me she needs that. She started opening up a bit more recently, telling me more about how she feels about things.
What you have to realise is that when you're heavily depressed (I'm not sure about how a mild depression works) you start to mix up feelings or stop feeling them. That's why your girlfriend might sometimes be harsh towards you, but you shouldn't take it against her, it's not her talking, it's her condition.
And she might really love you, she just doesn't realise it as she's too occupated with other things in her mind. You need to be there for her, but you also need to know that it might take a lot of time for her to get stuff straightened out if ever. If you're in this halfway it might destroy you.
Even after a long while she still can be very insecure about herself, and might have issues trusting you, try not to force out things from her too much and be patient. Every little nice thing that you do for her will make her feel more appreciated and therefore more likely to open up to you.
Don't let it get you down too much, even thought I know it can be overwhelming sometimes.
Wishing you all the best
A
female
reader, terrifenby  +, writes (16 April 2010):
 The thing with depression as you well know is it is not easy to live with. Firstly you know to some scale how she is feeling. When she is ready to talk she will. Just let her know you are there and ready to listen. She will be the way she is because that is how she has had to be in the past i imagine her life was hell. Just support and be there the best you can. Maybe you should look into getting some serious help with your depression as two people with depression been in a relationship will not help. I hope that it all works out for you. Best of luck
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