A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:After questioning her, my girlfriend admitted to having a crush on another guy two years ago, which was still ln our relationship. I kind of expected it but still, it hurts. Is this acceptable?
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female
reader, Audry09 +, writes (14 January 2013):
You should actually be very glad it was just a crush. We are human beings therefore even if we are in an amazing relationship we are bound to find other people attractive. It doesn't mean we are going to go ahead and leave our partners it just simply means we are human. You might have also gotten crushes on other girls as well so why judge her? She didn't cheat on you, I mean she came to you and told you about it. So be glad she trusted you this much to tell you even this little things. And don't sweat it, it happened a long time ago. Plus she's still with you meaning her feelings for you are stronger than any other crush she could have (:
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I'm married. I'm 52. I have crushes. Its' not about HAVING the crush, that's normal. It's about what you DO with the crush. IF YOU DO NOTHING... then it's ok in my book, especially if you tell your partner.
If you come home and gush "oh honey the new girl is so funny and cute" that's the start of a crush.
as long as it's just a crush and you don't take it any further I see no harm no foul.
we are married NOT DEAD.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Once again Mr Anon_e_mouse, you're missing the point I'm making. I wasn't saying its the same thing, I was saying people have no control over who we develop a crush on, whether it be a person closer to home or even a celebrity. But feel free to try and continuously degrade me if it makes you feel better about yourself. Its no skin off my nose.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy girlfriend reassured me today that she has matured since the beginning of the relationship (when she had the crush) and that we are stronger now and no one will get in the way. Since I love her I guess I'll go ahead and believe her. I hope I'm not a fool. Thanks for the responses
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): I don't see how having a crush is even a voluntary feeling in the first place. People don't have to want to get a crush to get one. They don't have to ever meet the person for that matter. People get crushes on celebrities who live 3000 miles away in mansions with armed guards.
It's a totally different story if your GF is acting on that crush and trying to cozy up to this person. But just having the feeling is harmless IMHO.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 Having a crush on a celebrity is NOT the same as having a crush on a "normal" person I must point out.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (14 January 2013):
Errrrm... I disagree. It is definitely NOT acceptable. But here you are saying "I should probably try to overcome my insecurities".
Grow a pair and walk away. This one is looking for the next guy. When she finds him you're OUT.
When a woman talks about fancying some other guy this is a BIG RED FLAG.
She is in the wrong here. Not you. Yes, you need to man up and leave this one. Mark my words, you'll be dumped when she finds the one she wants (maybe she already has and is waiting for him to make a move?).
Either way, your girl cannot be trusted. If the shoe were on the other foot and the boyfriend admitted to fancying another girl to his girlfriend she'd go MAD! Everyone will be saying "he's a dog", "he's going to wander this one", etc.
This girl is no good. The fact she admitted it to you shows no class, no respect, no integrity and it's a matter of time before you get the heave ho.
I know my response isn't going to be popular but that's the reality here I'm afraid.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Minor crushes are okay OP in my opinion but you must make up your own mind. I've read a lot of opinions from women, especially in porn related articles that absolutely detest the idea of their partner thinking about someone else sexually for example, that's an okay point of view if it works for them. Not the way I see things but I only point that out so you know that not accepting it is okay too.
Does it mean she'll have another crush in the future, maybe, maybe not. In my mind it's okay as long as she doesn't obsess, act on it or feed it. I mean my fiancée has a bit of a crush Hugh Jackman, her eyes light up when she's topless pictures of him etc. Doesn't bother me at all. Because it's not actually a crush in the sense that it hurts because she can't have him, it's more fantasy thing she likes to explore in her mind, a minor admiration or his sexiness.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Its likely that she probably will develop a crush in the future for somebody else, you may even do the same, whether that be a real person or someone like a celebrity who is out of reach, these things are beyond our control. The most important thing to remember is not to act on them when you're in a relationship, and declare your undying love for your boyfriend/girlfriend. That's when things become unacceptable.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. It just drives me crazy because how am I supposed to know she won't have a "crush" again in the future? I don't want something like that to happen again. Thanks again, I should probably try to overcome my insecurities.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): I agree with yupthatsme. It was pretty much along the lines of what I was thinking.
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A
female
reader, yupthatsme +, writes (14 January 2013):
Um, its acceptable if you let it be. If you love her, then I guess you'd just have to get over it, as sad as it sounds. As long as she has no feelings for him anymore and isn't keeping any contact with him.
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