A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I will be 16 in june, and my boyfriend is 8 months older than me. We both live in Florida and have been together for 2 and 1/2 years. I truely love him, and I'd love for us to get married before we're eighteeen, but that surely won't happen. So we have a plan to get married that summer of my 18th birthday. But, my problem is that my parents will be very unhappy with me. For most people, they'd ignore there parents' wishes and uncaringly tie the knot. I just hate letting down my parents. Plus, I wouldn't get my inherritence, which I have in our plan too. Ofcourse, my relationship with them is most important and I really want to assure them that he is the one. How can I get it across to my parents w/o upsetting them?Thanks for reading :) Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 January 2013):
 You can only convince them that he's the one with time.
IF he is the one what's the rush to get married? If he's truly the one... then time won't matter. Look at all the gay couples that waited 25 years or longer to get married this year when Gay marriage became more readily available after the election.... some of them were together longer than I've been on this earth and I'm 52!
Tell me what the magic in the piece of paper that says you are married is...
I've been married FOUR TIME. I married my first husband at 21.
What you want at 15 is not what you want at 18 ( I know my first boyfriend was when I was 15.5 until I was 18)
what you want at 18 is NOT what you want at 22
and what you want at 25 is probably not what you are going to want at 30.
Stay with him. date him. be exclusive... buy brides magazine and plan the wedding of your dreams... PLAN it but don't spend any money on it yet.
when you are 18 you and your boyfriend can go to your parents after you get engaged (with a ring to prove you can afford this) and show your parents your plans: (personally i would love to hear the responses to these questions too as you say you want to marry but I doubt you have much of a clue what it really entails)
where you will live (an apartment or a home, no living with mommy and daddy and NO ROOOMMATES... married couples have to have their own place)
how much rent or mortgage is
how much renters insurance or mortgage insurance is
how much you budget for food
how much is for entertainment/fun (must have a line item for fun)
how much you budget for transportation (car expenses and insurance or taxis or buses/trains)
how you will support yourselves WITHOUT YOUR INHERITANCE because I can tell you as a trust fund baby myself, the inheritance will go not nearly as far as you think it will. In addition, I'm 52 and still have not gotten my full inheritance... my kids are 26 and almost 29... they have not seen it either although it helps pay for my son's group home and it paid for my other child's proper university education.... I don't count on my inheritance for anything now.... it's there. I have no clue how much but hopefully I wont' find out for another 20 years or so.
your plans for birth control so you don't get pregnant and have a baby you can't afford.
how at 18 will you afford this? what are your job prospects at 18?
what about education?
I can understand totally how you feel. It's a love you have never felt. A love like no other. He's your first, you are his... it's special. Will you answer my questions?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): The fact that you're only 15 and don't have much life experience at your age, yet you believe this guy is "The one" and you're wanting to be married before you're even 18, suggests to me that you're living on planet goo gah, and your parents are unlikely to take your judgement of this guy very seriously at all. They probably just think its kinda cute, but mostly immature, naïve and far fetched.
The way you could prove to your parents he's the one for you is if he IS actually the one for you and you are happy together from this day forward, until death do you part. There's no point assuming that just because you fit together with someone so perfectly in your mind, that the person is the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with. You are both still only kids, people grow up and become adults and change. He may want to go a different direction from you in life by the time he reaches 18, and you're thinking of being married and living happily ever after with him.
I'm sorry, I'm with your parents on this one. It would be foolish for people who are far older and more experienced in life than you are, to believe the word of a 15 year old girl living in a fantasy land.
My advice to you is not to think too far ahead at this stage, and just take each day as it comes. Planning for such a future and getting your hopes up at your age is 99% of the time (in my opinion) only going to lead to bad disappointment and heartbreak. Your parents can already see that.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Ha, I like the way you have thought ahead to getting your inheritance and building it into your plan, style! I bet your parents aren't even that old yet so don't go wishing them dead to make your dreams come true!!
You are too young to get married. It's great to dream but it's good to fully enjoy your youth too and not think too far into the future at all.
Enjoy each day as it comes and see how things turn out naturally.
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (14 January 2013):
The best way to convince your parents this guy is "the one" is to, for the next ten years, show how faithful and responsible both of you can be to each other. Then when you're 26, you can get married and say to everyone "I told you so." If you dont, then my guess is others will be telling you the same....
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 If he is 'the one', then it wont matter when you get married, because your love will last forever so the marriage can happen at any time. Getting married shouldnt change your relationship, it simply cements it. So getting married at 18 wont be any different to getting married at 24, he will still be the same man and you will be the same woman, just a bit more mature.
So if you know you will be together forever, and you know you are going to love each other forever, then getting married should simply be a way of showing your friends and family your love for each other. And the key there is friends and family - will they want to see their 18 year old getting married? Chances are the answer is no, because adults know that one of the biggest causes of divorce is people getting married too young. And 18 is definitely too young!
So what should you do now? Nothing. Your parents dont need to know that he is 'the one', they will just think it is young love and think its cute, they wont take you seriously aged 15. I know that's not nice, but us adults have all been there before - when I was 15 I thought my boyfriend was the one, he was the love of my life and I was besotted with him. Guess what? It ended after 1 year. So as a general rule most teen relationships fizzle out, and adults know this so they wont take you seriously. You have been together over 2 years so you are already bucking the trend, but then again having a boyfriend when you are 12/13 isnt a real relationship, more like friends who hold hands!
If you say anything about marriage now your parents will think you are being silly, so there is no point in talking about it. You wont be 18 for another 2 and a half years, so what you are talking about is WAY down the line in the future.
So what I suggest is that when you are 17, if you are still with the same boy, then you can start talking about marriage and weddings. But aged 15, when you wont be getting married for nearly 3 years, there is NO POINT WHATSOEVER in talking marriage now.
If you have a happy relationship with your boyfriend, and a happy relationship with your parents, then why rock the boat now for the sake of something that isnt going to be an issue anytime soon? Your parents dont need to know he is 'the one' yet, keep it between you and your boyfriend and just enjoy being together. Enjoy life and stop worrying about marriage and 'the one', you are still a teenager and you should be having fun with your boyfriend, not trying to grow up too quickly and playing grown ups.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (14 January 2013):
Trust me, there is nothing you can say to make them believe that he's the "one". You're 15 years old. It's okay to fall in love that early, but getting married is just not a good idea.
Why not stay with him, even be engaged? You may not be able to imagine that things can change but they do. There is so much to tell you about how that may happen but it doesn't really matter, you just need to trust that they will.
Now, don't get me wrong. You may have found "the one" even at your age. But there is literally no way for you to know that at this point and there is nothing you can say to convince your family or anyone else that you know for sure.
Do yourself a favor. Stay with your boyfriend, even act like you're married when you turn 18, but trust your parents and pretty much every other person in the world who's been there: wait.
...............................
|
