A
male
age
41-50,
*eth840
writes:I have been seeing a woman for about 4 months. Things were casual at first but heated up quickly. My emotions took over and I started to fall for her. She didn't express very strong emotions for me, so after much consideration, I ended things for fear of loving someone who wouldn't love me back. I didn't want to be hurt again. She was obviously upset but we reconciled only a couple of days later, and we got back together. After this she expressed her love for me and things were going well. We even decided to become exclusive.Throughout the relationship I have been accused of having feelings for my ex who I no longer communicate with. I've been accused of doing drugs in the bathroom when I was just answering the call of nature. I've also been accused of being gay as I spend time with my male friends now and then. It seems that when I'm not with her, I must be doing something wrong in her eyes. She is also very passive-aggressive which makes it hard to tell if she's really upset about something.She told me from the beginning that she has trust issues and that she is very insecure. This past weekend we had a very small spat which resulted in a night of silence. I left the next morning and wished her a good day, etc... I was over it by then. I took my laundry basket so I could have some clean clothes at my home. I didn't contact her that day as I was waiting to hear from her. I'm always the one who initiates communication after an argument, so I figured it was her turn this time around. I didn't hear anything all day. She claims that she sent me two texts but I never received them.I emailed her the following day to reconcile, but I got accused of cheating on her as I didn't contact her at all the previous day. She accused me of ignoring her and that it made her "sad beyond words". Taking my laundry basket was a sign to her that I wanted to end the relationship, which I don't. I love this woman. I just wanted some clean clothes. We're talking again but it's awkward. How can I convince her that I'm not cheating on her? I've never cheated on her and I never will. I have no interest in anyone else. Sorry for such a long post but I felt a bit of history was necessary. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Wow. This situation is 100% familiar. To be completely honest. I do this to my boyfriend. I'm not an insecure girl. I am very satisfied with myself and I know that I have no reason to be insecure with myself. I do happen to have trust issues, as every single person in my life has hurt me one way or another. I am the kind of person who holds grudges, but only because I have realized that if someone doesnt care enough to avoid hurting you, they shouldnt be in your life. I have put every person who has hurt me behind me. But this situation is different. I am in love with this man. I accuse him of talking to ex's and cheating only because he always hides his phone, and always accuses me of doing it which makes me think he's doing it and trying to accuse me of it cuz he knows what he is doing and believes i must be doing it too. I accuse him of the drugs because he has a terrible past with them and I get nervous when he goes in the bathroom or is out of my sight at anytime. I just recently went through his room while he was out one day and I found a lot of bad things. He lied about everything for over 9 months straight. I even sometimes accuse him of the gay thing only cause he never wants to be intamate with me which gets to me, and he acts so different when hes with his friends. he just ignores my calls and texts and starts a fight. I know this isnt answering your question. but i found it very ironic and i understand wht youre girl is feeling. I do the same thing, thinking i always call and its his turn. but some people are just hard headed and dont wanna give in, i do it too. i just dont know what to do. i even caught him trying to hang out with his ex once when we were fighting, but he left the evidence out like he was trying to get caught on christmas. he always accused me of having feelings formy ex's. he sold presents i got him for christmas and his birthday for drug money. we just cant seem to get along. I am so angry with him and i just dont know what to do. i dont want to live without him but i dont know how to stop loving him, or just getting over everything and believing him. I dont want to pretend to believe him, when i dont. i just dont trust him at all. im not stupid. and everytime he does something i know it and accuse him. you would think he'd be nervous cuz i predict everything right on point. i just sense it. but he still lies.
A
male
reader, ijt +, writes (9 October 2009):
I'm currently having the same problem i know if i didn't love her i would have left her a long time ago. there is no real way to change her mind about her trust issuses it comes from within.
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A
female
reader, aphexinfinite  +, writes (3 July 2009):
 shes either got to understand that your not cheating or you are. and if she thinks your cheating then its over. if their is no trust it doesnt work its a hard lesson to learn and get over but their is only so much people can take of being called a liar or doing everything wrong. you need to have a long deep conversation with her. tell her how you feel, tell her that you love her but if she continues this way she is going to destroy anything good that could of happened between you two and she will regret it. it wont change over night if it does change. but she needs to change how she is because its not fair on you at all and you deserve being treated better. dont let her self esteem pull you down with her. help her give her a hand but at the end of the day she is the one who needs to take it and if she doesnt then its sad to say perhaps the best is if you walk away. keep us updated good luck aphex xx
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