A
male
age
30-35,
*.G.Amal
writes:My age 19 and my partner age 16. I love her for the past 1 and a half year. Until the first half of the year everything was going well,she used to obey me,doesn't harass me etc. But after she changed her school,her character is totally changed. She got a friend who was my facebook friend(girl). Now what ever i say to her has no value. She harass me like a stray dog and doesn't obey me at all except she will do anything for my facebook friend. They had become so close and now she ignored me but still says that she loves me.Please help me,should i love her or leave her??
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I am hoping your use of the word 'obey' is simply a language issue and not as I would normally read it.
To expect your 16 year old girlfriend to be obeying her 19 year old boyfriend is not acceptable. Neither of you should be obeying the other. There should be equal communication and balance in the relationship.
Now, on to your facebook friend, your relationship might be in trouble if she is listening to them rather than you, but if they are ganging up and she is now talking to you like a stray dog.
If your facebook friend is a boy, maybe your relationship cannot be saved, he might have interested her, you need to talk to her without telling her, or expecting her to obey. Listen to her answers.
If your facebook friend is a girl, maybe she is trying to show your girlfriend she does not have to 'obey' a boyfriend, or maybe your facebook friend is nasty and trying to cause trouble. Again, you need to talk with your girlfriend and listen to what she is saying without expecting her to simply accept everything YOU say without her being able to question.
Just remember, nobody has to obey anybody else in a relationship, equality and balance is what makes a good relationship even better.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I cringed about the idea of a girlfriend obeying a boyfriend. She is still growing. It's normal for a young girl to be fickle. I think she is enjoying her new friendship, probably because she doesn't have to obey her. I don't know what harassing here means. Maybe she got influenced by her friend telling her that relationships are supposed to be equal.
You are getting this answer from a person who doesn't believe in power play in relationships. I just don't think love is congruent with an unbalanced power relationship. Her "harassing" you might be a way of acting out, or rebelling against your control. She still has feelings for you but might be backing out because she is not sure if this is what she wants in a relationship.
I think it is very hard to find a girl who still abides by old traditions. I believe it is healthy for a woman to have her own voice and that loving means mutual sharing, and not just obeying and being submissive. When you obey it is out of fear, which is the opposite of love.
If you really love her, then you find out by communicating whether she is happy in the relationship, and what you can do so that she will continue to be happy in the relationship and therefore spend more time with you.
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