A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend Cheated on me and i seeing the circumstances I don't know if I should take her back. We are both in love and have talked about getting married and had some details planned out.we talked about our kids and how we would want to raise them. Everything was going great with this girl. We were serious about our relationship. I was truly happy with her and so was she. Then….she went back home this Thanksgiving (8 hours away) to visit her sister and dad. She goes out with her sister to a party gets way to drunk (she’s never done that before since we started dating) and blacks out. The next day she doesn’t remmember anything about the night before including why she doesn’t have her shirt on and or why she’s in this guy’s bed. Like this wasn’t bad enough, she freaks out or whatever and asks her dad for advice, he tells her NOT to tell me!Anyways long story short, i had a feeling throughout her leave that something bad had happened. When she came back we got caught up in making up for all the time we missed together blah blah blah. but still that question was in mind. Finally a week thru her coming back I asked her if she had done something I wouldn’t like and she spilled it out about her cheating on me. I broke up with her that minute and I still can’t believe she did that! She’s been crying and writing me letters apologizing texting and calling saying she would do anything to have me back. She even said she would never drink again in her life. As far as I go, I have so much anger in me for what happened and I don’t know if I could ever forgive her for cheating on me. I just can’t bare imagining some other fuckhead messing around with her. I don’t know what to do…I’ve never seen someone more sorry about something they did more that her, But i really don’t know what to do. Love is not enough to keep a relationship going. I feel that by doing this she throw her and my self respect to the ground. my pride was stepped on and everything our relationship stands for. Any words of advice would be great. especially if its from a guy who has maybe went through something similar. Do second chances work???Also she says she would know (as a girl) if she has had sex or not the next morning and she says that she apparently didn’t. But doesn’t know at all what happened. She was topless though
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broke up, cheated on me, drunk, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts totally the opposite of what I though I would hear. The only guy reply was get her back and all the females agree not to. this is really hard. My muncho muscline side says yea kick her ass to the curb! My civilised side sees how sorry she is. that she's literally been crying non stop for four days now and she was asked to go back home from work yesterday and that she's willing to do anything there is to work it out. GAH i've never been undecisive in my life its torture. for anyone out there that is thinking or has a little tendacy to cheat DON'T!!! Really DON'T!! BReak up then hook up!! Anyways Thanks everyone for your answers...it helped a lot. I just wish i never met her but now im just stuck. Any more male responses would be appreciated!
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (5 December 2009):
The last thing she remembers is catching up with him? Hahaha. Yeah, she's lying. The blackout is an excuse of "I didn't know what I was doing" deal. She remembered talking to him then all of a sudden she went blank when they hooked up? How convenient!
I've been cheated on and his excuse was "the drugs." My answer was, "Cool, have fun doing your drugs. Later!" I was upset of course, but I never talked to him again. You'll get over it, espeically if you two haven't been together that long. Less than a year I usually don't consider to be too long.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): its possible she was drugged (gbh). If she came forward and told you, rather than you finding out on your own, that means she regrets it and the other guy meant nothing. You can take her back as a girlfriend but if you decide to marry her, one day the passion between you could lessen and then you will feel great resentment over this random act she did years ago. So if you are normally an unforgiving person, then dump her. Because it will never leave your mind... Even on your wedding day you will remember what she did.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Yeah, right. Was "this guy" a fat, bald guy with crooked teeth or the hot guy she had a crush on? Kick her to the curb and fast.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies everyone, the more the better. Your answers will really make a difference cause I have never been so confused before in my life. I am usually a decisive person but that just threw em off. Anyways keep the feedback coming so I can get more opinions on the mattar. again thanks!
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (5 December 2009):
Yeah right she doesn't remember. I know many girls who pull the "I blacked out" excuse and it's complete BS! One of my good friends does this, I believe her to an extent, on the other hand a person with this type of behavior is exhibiting a lack of self control. It's not because they don't know what they are doing, it's because of poor judgement they just don't care and do it anyway. I have been drunk out of my mind many times while my boyfriend at the time wasn't around...did I cheat on any of them? No. It's because I had enough self control even while having the opportunity while being completely sloshed to know that this could totally hurt my boyfriend and I didn't want to do it.
Let's think about things realistically. Yes, you are young. So why stay with a cheater when there are plenty of fish in the sea and you have yet to experience all that is out there? Also, yes, she will drink again. She'll think that she'll finally have things under control and go and have more drinks and "black out" again. Then she'll probably just hide it completely from you again. It sounds to me like she did you a favor.
Do whatever you want. But I'm just trying to give you an idea of what you could be in for. Personally, I think sloppy drunks are annoying and if they can't control their alcohol then they probably shouldn't be drinking in the first place.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo it wasn't rape, that did come to my mind, but apparently she hasn't seen that person in two years and the last thing she remembers is sitting with him catching up. They were both really drunk and she calls it a mistake.I can't get myself to talk to her, am i overreacting? i've never been cheated on before. does no one thing its her fault for getting that drunk?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo it wasn't rape, that did come to my mind, but apparently she hasn't seen that person in two years and the last thing she remembers is sitting with him catching up. They were both really drunk and she calls it a mistake.I can't get myself to talk to her, am i overreacting? i've never been cheated on before. does no one thing its her fault for getting that drunk?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Don't get back together with her unless you can forgive and forget completely. That wouldn't be fair to either of you. Unfortunately it seems you will probably never know what happened. Where was her sister when all this was going on?!
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 For heavens sake man take her back. You are both young, she loves you, she did something foolish when drunk, she regrets it. Take her back and don't over stress the issue and don't play the victim - in other words be a big boy. I think you will find that she will love you all the more and will make it worth your while. AND of course this gives you a "get out if jail free card". You may not think that you need it because you will be a faithful loyal husband but, unless you are a saint, you are sometime going to do something that you regret and you are going to be greatful to have that Get Out if Jail Free card.
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female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (5 December 2009):
 From what you described, it sounds like your girlfriend was raped, not that she cheated.
How do you know that something wasn't put in her drink? Even if she was simply drunk, it doesn't sound like she was given a real choice in whether or not to have sex with this guy. Think how she must feel to suspect that someone took advantage of her, and to have no recollection of it.
And, when she tells you about it, you get mad at her! Does that strike you as fair?
I understand you being hurt and confused, but I can guarantee you that she feels the same, only 10 times worse. She needs you to be there for her right now, not judging her.
I may have read this wrong, but I don't think so. The person you should be mad at is the guy who took advantage of her.
You are right, you need more than love in a relationship. You also need respect, understanding, and trust. You need to show her those traits right now, b/c as I said it sounds like she was taken advantage of.
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