A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 31yr old single guy who has strong feelings for a girl who is 21yrs, I have known her for 4 yrs now and we have been very close for much of this time, an up and down relationship mainly due to her not wanting to accept that she has fallen for someone 10 yrs older than her.Things have happened sexually in this time and she has told me that she loves me and that she has never felt like this about anyone else. Other times though she feels she has to put her "barriers up" in order to convince herself its not what she wants.She will quite happily phone me and we can talk for hrs on the phone but when it comes to meeting up in public she is not comfortable with it as she's worried what people will think and feel her parents and friends would not approve if they knew either.I have told her a few times now that this is not fair on me and I have distanced myself from her on several occassions and tried to move on, only to miss her and then we end up getting close again. She is one of the most honest, kind, caring and conscientious people I've ever met and know how strong her feelings are for me. However I also know that this cannot work whilst she continues to fight these feelings as it puts a strain on relationship but also dont just want to let her go...
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirstly, thanks to you both for your advice. It'a been on my mind for a while now but when I came across this website and started writing my question I felt I already knew what response I would get as putting pen to paper made me realise how stupid i've been. Dont get me wrong, your advice is just what i needed to make me see that i cant wait for her forever. I am optimistic about the future but know it wont be easy to move on but it's what i must do.
Thanks again
A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 Hi
Im 20 and my bf is 31. I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. We have been through alot with people (including my parents) but we fought to stay together. Im not ashamedof him and would go anywhere with him. It is the best relationship that i have ever been in and the"age-gap" doesnt bother me. It seems like this girl is ashamed and doesnt want to be seen in public wit you (sorry if that sounded harsh). She enjoys speaking to and having communication with you but not the physical meeting. You should ask her to make up her mind, if she wants to continue to worry about what people say and how they would react when they hear of your relationship then you should let her go (as hard as this may seem).Find someone that loves you and appreciates you for who you are,someone that would go anywhere with you. I dont think she deserves you if she is ashamed to be seen with you.How long are you willing to keep yourlls relationship away?
Regards,mail me if you wana chat
Sexi
...............................
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (22 April 2008):
 The age gap really shouldn't be a problem if both of you are adults and both of you accept the difference. It seems that it is an issue for her. She appears concerned with what others will think IE: her parents and the people around her. As long as this "barrier" is being put up by her I only see misery for you long term. She will run hot and cold and you will be on the roller coaster. I think the two of you should have a long talk and if she is still concerned and can not follow her heart then she has to let you go and you have to move on. It is too bad that some people care so much about what others will say and they themselves will miss out on what could be a really good thing. This woman should know that if SHE is comfortable with you it would not be an issue for one person in the world. When I was 21 I dated a guy who was 34. We used to shoot pool at a neighborhood bar. We were in love completely. One night the bartender came up to us and said "you two are the best looking couple I've ever seen and I see a lot of couples through here." I hope things work out.
...............................
|
