A
male
age
36-40,
*ovice778
writes:Hi everyone...I started going out with this girl around 2 months ago but before that we were really close and known each other for almost a year. Eventually we got together and we're both virgins. I really love her and I try my best to be a good boyfriend. This is my first relationship.The problem is that I have strong sexual desires but she has literally none...even before we gone out she has told me that she doesn't want to have sex until she is married which I totally respect. Sometimes when we are alone and we make out I start touching her chest or waist and she would always pull my hand away. We don't engage in any sort of sexual acts at all during our alone times. I am not hoping to have sex with her but as I mentioned before I have strong urges and it's really killing me how she has a phobia when it comes to physical contact. I am content with oral sex or masturbation but she feels totally uncomfortable about stuff like that. We talked about it but she didn't seem very happy (even though she pretended she was fine) and I really don't want to give her any more pressure than I already have! I really don't want the relationship to end because of a lack of sexual activities but my heart and my hormones are having a hard time coming to terms with each other. What should I do??? Sorry for the long question and I appreciate any advice, thanks!!
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male
reader, novice778 +, writes (28 July 2008):
novice778 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answer guys! She is definitely more important than getting laid!!! And yes, we're about the same age, only a couple months difference. When we are together I feel very very comfortable and I really feel that we could last. But I am still very immature when it comes to relationships and I see the lack of contact as a missing chunk of the puzzle...As for more details about her, she is a loose Catholic but she said that its a personal rather than spiritual choice to remain a virgin. And as I said before I have no problem with not having actual intercourse, I am just frustrated that even touching is off-limits. And one thing that totally makes me confused is that she often teases me and says stuff like "let's have sex tonight" or something when I know she doesn't mean it. I am really trying not to let this get between our relationship and I hope you guys understand. I really love her and I will hopefully get my mentality right but as it is right now it's gonna take time!!!Thanks again everyone for listening because I don't have anyone to talk to about my inner feelings because I feel it is too personal.
A
female
reader, Mrs.Darcy  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Well without knowing more specifics on your girl it's a little hard to work this out. But with Women, it's never one thing. I agree with Danielepew that I'm sure the urges are there for her. I also agree that obviously YOU want to have sex with her, there is nothing wrong with that. Why does she want to wait until marriage? Is it just a personal choice or is it a spiritual choice? Because the difference is huge. Also I would start being a little more open with her about your feelings. I'm sure she picks up on the fact that you're not as ok with not having sex as you say you are and that may even be a part of why she is pushing you away... Bottom line is there could be any number of reasons why this is what she has chosen to do or not do rather, you have to talk to her about it. Openly and honestly. Tell her the truth about how you feel about her and then let her tell you how she feels, what she wants, and ask her why she feels that way. Once you both put down all your cards it's a lot easier to move forward.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 Novice, I hope you don't get my comment wrong, because I do not mean to be bad to you. But... it is very clear that you are INDEED hoping to have sex with your girl. And that is not wrong. Feeling like having sex with a woman is pretty natural.
Now, let's move to the hard part: it's not that your girl doesn't have any sexual urges. It's that she has chosen not to give in to sexual things before she marries. You can take it or leave it.
By the way, if you choose to leave, it won't be all your fault. She put you in that situation. I assume you're dating someone who's about your age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2008): What's more important to you: her or getting laid?
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