| A
male
,
anonymous
writes: HiI am 21 and my girlfriend is 19. Whenever we're out and about she always takes photos of other guys' legs and I don't understand why she does it.She won't discuss it with me and I think it is obscene that she does this. What do I do?Neil (21) from Stockport, Greater Manchester, England Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): I'm guessing that your discomfort about her fixation on other guys' legs is based on a sexual response to the sight of body parts other than your own. Is this correct?
..it could very well be nothing of the sort.
She enjoys photography, which to me suggests an artistic perception of shapes, colour, light and texture.
Perhaps your girlfriend views the lines of her subject in a way that has nothing to do with sex ~ or trying to find something better-looking than you... which is what I'm guessing is the major issue for you.
Perhaps ask her this: "what does a legs picture mean artistically to you?" .. emphasize ARTISTICALLY.
Maybe one reason she doesn't like telling you about it is exactly what happens: you get angry and she feels judged. If it's nothing erotic, she could also be impatient with the fact that you seem to be assuming it is about sex.
My two cents, hope it gets well-spent.. :-)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2005): well i can't blame her for that. there really is nothing sexier than sexy legs on a guy. i'd sure like to see some of her pics of them !! i think you should just ask to see her pics and enjoy them as well.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): I don't have a problem with her interacting with other men, and I don't get angry with her much.
As for raising the topic, I do it gently but she still refuses to discuss it!
I just don't understand why she does this!
Neil (21) from Stockport, Greater Manchester, England
...............................
A
reader, communicatrix +, writes (19 September 2005):
 She won't discuss it; does that mean you haven't expressed your feelings of discomfort/revulsion with her?
If it's really upsetting you, it's imperative that you two talk it over, if only to let her know how much it upsets you.
If you have brought it up and she's been unresponsive, how are you raising the topic? If it's something she's uncomfortable discussing, being angry or hostile probably won't help her to open up.
I'd suggest bringing it up gently but firmly at a time when you two are not out, and she doesn't have a camera in her hand. Neutral ground, along with a calm attitude, is much better for honest, open communication.
When you do discuss it, try to phrase your issues in terms of how what she does makes you feel and not in ways that make her sound bad or evil. And try to soften the way in by taking responsibility for any part you might have had in making the disagreement worse.
For instance, instead of saying:
"What's wrong with you? I told you I hate it when you take snaps of guys' legs!"
you might try:
"I'm sorry if I've yelled or put you on the defensive when I've tried to bring this up before. I'm obviously so upset by this that it's hard to conduct myself with civility. The truth is, when you look at other guys' legs like that, it makes me feel (your emotion here)."
If she still won't talk about it or change her behavior and it's still upsetting to you, you'll have to decide whether or not you want to continue seeing her.
Good luck.
...............................
|
